What do you call a dog that likes to dig up bones?
A barkeologist.
Why are bones so calm?
Nothing gets under their skin.
Always think hard before you get married because on one hand you have a cool ring but on the other hand you don’t.
So my blood test came back positive.
Turns out I’m full of the stuff.
Where do you learn about bones?
Osteoclasst.
"I have a joke about hearts, but I don't think you will get it."
"Why?"
"Because it is an inside joke."
One day, I looked to my spine and said
Thanks for all the support! Thanks to you we've grown to new heights.
My son was injected with poisoned blood from a person from Finland
He said "I am finnished."
I can't stand when people kick me in the back of the leg.
What do you call a hat for the brain?
A thinking cap.
"Bone to be wild."
I'm so Midwestern, it's in my blood
I'm type Ohp!-ositive
It doesn’t help that my doctor keeps making fun of my broken leg. He’s just adding insult to injury.
Two meth heads start a relationship, is that considered speed dating
or just mething around?
I banged my head on a low bridge.
Would have been ok if viaduct.
What do you call a blood vessel that's mad with power?
A Megalovieniac.
I think I'm going to remove my spine.
It's only holding me back.
Every time I see my vegetable girlfriend, my heart just beet faster.
Sigmund Freud used to always wear a piece of jewelry on his wrist...
It was an id bracelet.
What do you call a skull without 86 billion neurons?
A no brainer.
I find bone puns very
Humerus.
Why did the skeleton go to church?
Because it didn’t have any organs.
What human body part is long, hard, bendable, and contains the letters p,e,n,i,s?
Your spine.
Restrooms in restaurants often have a sign saying "Employees must wash hands".
But after waiting hours, no one has ever helped me with mine!
Why didn’t the skeleton feel like patching up his broken ribcage?
His heart wasn’t in it.
What happens when a neurotransmitter falls in love with a receptor?
You get a binding relationship.
What do we call two birds that are in love?
Tweet-hearts!
What do you call two spine bones that are friends?
Vertebros.
What bone does a dog not eat?
A trombone.
I heard about a football player who had a heart attack and collapsed on top of his opponent.
He was dead on a rival.
What do you call two spine bones that are friends?
Vertebros.
When it came to tilling his garden by hand, he put a lot of heart into it.
He was gung hoe.
What street does the hippocampus live on?
Memory lane.
Why didn't the brain want to take a bath?
Where does a brain go on vacation?
To a hippo camp us.
The head surgeon shouted at me for accidentally severing the patient's spine.
I think I struck a nerve.
You must be a defibrillator because you are sending shocks directly to my heart.
What’s the best tool to have when your heart sinks?
A Jack of Hearts.
What kind of tree fits in your hand?
A palm tree!
How did the gambler know his hand would stink?
Because he was holding deuces.
Why aren’t skeletons good at poker?
You can see right through them.
What has four legs and one arm?
A rottweiler at a park.
What happened to the pirate who lost his peg leg?
He couldn't find it, so he was stumped.
I got hit in the head with a can of soda yesterday. Luckily for me, it was a soft drink.
Why are neuroanatomy classes the smartest?
They have lots of brains.
I was walking down an alley in Scotland when I found a severed man's hand...
I wonder if he was kilt.
The guy who invented the watch must have had a lot of time on his hands
How does the spinal cord hammer a nail into a wall?
With a series of spinal taps.
Where are neurons put in jail when they commit a crime?
A nerve cell.
Guy walks into a tailor shop to pick up his suit. The tailor hands him a jacket and pair of pants. The guy says “But I had a 3-piece suit.”
Tailor says “The vest is yet to come.”
What did the Hollywood film director say to the young neuron that wanted to be an actor?
"Hey kid, you've got potential."
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