A pile of books fall onto Sean Connery's head
He exclaims: "I only have my shelf to blame!"
No body has ever won a skeleton race.
I find that the quickest way to man's heart
is with a very very sharp knife.
Scientist are shocked after discovery of a new african bee species that can keep on flying even after their heart stops.
Local tribes in fear of a zombee apocalypse
Why was the neuron sent to the principal's office?
It had trouble controlling its impulses.
I had a birth defect where they had to relocate my heart
I guess you could say my heart wasn't in the right place.
Why did the T-Rex only sell hand-guns?
He was a small-arms dealer.
How did the cardiologist figure out what she wanted to do with her life?
She just followed her heart.
It's better to amputate at the shoulder,
Its twice as much work to cut off forearms.
How heavy are your bones?
They are scale-a-ton.
Why are blood physicians so rich?
Because blood cells.
You really gotta hand it to short people, because they can't reach it on their own.
My dad told me to finish his bird painting. He painted the head, torso and legs.
To be honest, I just winged it.
"Bugs and hisses."
A mime in our town was arrested yesterday after he got into a bar fight and broke his left arm.
He still has the right to remain silent.
What do you call someone who loves dark beer?
Stouthearted.
Every time I see my vegetable girlfriend, my heart just beet faster.
Did you know there's a college in the brain for hippopotami?
It's called the Hippocampus.
A man who makes tie dye shirts was trying to borrow money to expand his small business. While filling out the paperwork, he had a heart attack and collapsed, spilling bottles of colored dye all over his documents.
The poor man dyed a loan.
What is the best toothpaste for the brain?
Neural crest.
What is a sleeping brain's favorite musical group (rock band)?
REM.
What are the two most profane bones in the human body?
The blasfemurs.
Have you heard about the guy who made a bomb out of a brain?
It was pretty mindblowing.
So my blood test came back positive.
Turns out I’m full of the stuff.
My doctor forgot to document my blood type.
It was a typo.
Why did the pig have a heart attack?
Too much bacon.
I lost my wrist watch somewhere near my house.
Now it’s the neighborhood watch.
My family visited a rude psychic, with degenerative bone disease, who insisted all of us had bad breath.
She was a super callous fragile mystic expecting halitosis.
What’s the coolest part of a skeleton?
The hip.
A friend failed his medical exam when he X-rayed his lower torso.
He didn’t put his heart into it.
I tried my hand at cinematography, but it didn't really pan out.
What do you call a fake bone?
A faux-knee.
What do you call a toddler running towards their mother with arms high up in the air?
A quick pick-me-up.
My wife bought me an expensive umbrella and she’s been holding it over my head ever since.
I broke my spine in an accident last year. Had a life saving operation to fix my neck which permanently locked my head in place.
Since then I've never looked back.
What do neurons use to talk to each other?
Cellular phones.
What
What kind of car did the heart surgeon drive to work?
A beater.
Why was the skeleton so lonely?
He had no body.
"You can't skele-run from my skele-puns."
If a woman with big breasts works at Hooters, where does someone with one leg work?
IHOP.
How did the mother know her child would become a neuroanatomist?
He was constantly staining stuff.
The Queen of the Nile was said to always show a bit of leg...
but Nefertiti.
Why does the spinal cord belong in the brass section of an orchestra?
Because of its dorsal and ventral horns.
You know, the heart’s the hungriest organ.
It has the heartiest appetite.
What did the right hemisphere say to the left hemisphere when they could not agree on anything?
Let's split.
If your dog was a neurologist, what would it do all day?
Perform PET scans.
Bonnie Tyler has released a video all about cardiology.
It’s totally clips of the heart.
Exasperated, I threw my hands up in the air and shouted at my wife, "I'm not a complete idiot!" She smiled at me and purred, "I know honey."
"Some parts are missing."
I'm glad I have my 2nd Amendment right to bear arms.
Otherwise, I'd have been amputated at birth.
What do you call two guys with no arms and no legs and hang on the wall?
Curt 'n Rod.
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