Working the poker table at the casino with my new prosthetic hand is going to be a challenge,
But I’ll learn to deal with it.
What reassuring advice did the meninges give to the brain?
"Don't worry, I've got you covered."
Why did the brain go into a group of trees to sleep?
For rest. (forest)
"I would make a skeleton joke, but you wouldn't find it very
humerus."
6:30 is hands down the best time on a clock
What is the brain's favorite television channel?
The Neural Network.
An action potential takes the train to school. What is the name of the train station where it gets off for school?
Axon terminal.
My dad has the heart of a lion...
and a lifetime ban from the zoo.
My skeleton girlfriend dumped me the other day. She had the hottest spine I have ever seen.
I just want her back.
What do you call a hat for the brain?
A thinking cap.
I had to give an impromptu speech on a piece of cloth that encircles the wrist...
I spoke off the cuff on the cuff.
The Mad Hatter and the Queen of Hearts had a rental agreement
A lease in Wonderland.
If your canoe turns upside down in the water, you can wear it on your head.
Because it’s capsized.
What has four legs and one arm?
A rottweiler at a park.
What’s the coolest part of a skeleton?
The hip.
Near the town of Hannah Montana people found a dinosaur skeleton.
Scientists identified it as a Mileysaurus.
I think I'm going to remove my spine.
It's only holding me back.
I don't mind leg day at the gym.
It's just the two days after that I can't stand.
What does a pirate with heart failures need?
Anti-arrrrrrrrrrhythmics.
What has four legs and an arm?
A happy pitbull.
What’s the least honest bone in the body?
The fibula.
Don't you just hate it when it's 212 degrees outside? It really just makes my blood boil.
My son asked me why our sailboat is named Blood
I yelled back: "Because it’s a bloody vessel!"
Son: What happens when white blood cells fail to protect us from an infection?
Dad: Their effort goes in vein.
How did the cardiologist figure out what she wanted to do with her life?
She just followed her heart.
I boiled a funny bone once.
It turned into a laughing stock.
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs floating in a pool?
Bob.
Did you hear about the man who had nothing else to do so drilled into his own head?
He was bored to death.
How does the spinal cord hammer a nail into a wall?
With a series of spinal taps.
It doesn’t help that my doctor keeps making fun of my broken leg. He’s just adding insult to injury.
What’s a skeletons favorite wrestling event?
A rib cage match.
My family visited a rude psychic, with degenerative bone disease, who insisted all of us had bad breath.
She was a super callous fragile mystic expecting halitosis.
There's a microchip you can transplant into your brain to boost your memory
You should keep that in mind.
Just been to the funeral of a close friend who died when he was hit in the head by a tennis ball
Great service.
My daughter was just complaining about washing dishes by hand
I told her, “well... it’s better than washing them by foot.”
What do you call someone who loves dark beer?
Stouthearted.
What do you get when you throw a hand grenade into a French bathroom?
Linoleum Blownapart.
If your dog was a neurologist, what would it do all day?
Perform PET scans.
What happens when you anger a brain surgeon?
They will give you a piece of your mind.
Breaking a leg during an audition ensures you're in the cast.
Why aren’t skeletons good at poker?
You can see right through them.
My mate Gavin passed away from heartburn last week.
Still can’t believe Gaviscon
Earlier today someone sent me a bunch of flowers, but all the heads had been cut off.
I think I'm being stalked.
Why did the blood sucking insect learn Latin?
It wanted to be a Roman-tic
A monk, a priest and a rabbit walk into a blood bank.
The rabbit says "I think I'm a type o"
Why are sponges and brains similar?
They both like to soak up "material"
What do you call a barbecued, blood-sucking insect?
Mesquite-o.
This year, my brain and my heart are Valentines to each other.
What’s the best tool to have when your heart sinks?
A Jack of Hearts.
One or two hours warm my heart,
But 24 hours make my day.
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