What are the two most profane bones in the human body?
The blasfemurs.
What do you say when two red blood cells get married?
Coagulations!
I'm surprised you all aren't talking more about that drug with the side effect of making scalps wrinkled.
I mean, it's been making a LOT of head lines.
What is a good pick-up line an axon terminal can use on a dendrite?
"Let's connect."
There’s a man in Florida with no arms or legs who is armed and on the run
Asked my son what his favourite thing about Popeye was.
He said, "Forearms."
I said, "No, he only has two."
Every time I see my vegetable girlfriend, my heart just beet faster.
When we put our two hearts together, we can’t be beat.
A pile of books fall onto Sean Connery's head
He exclaims: "I only have my shelf to blame!"
What do you call it when the axe in your hand falls on your feet.
An AXEIDENT.
What did the right hemisphere say to the left hemisphere when they could not agree on anything?
Let's split.
A man walks into a bar with a chunk of asphalt under his arm.
He goes up to the bartender and says "A drink please and another for the road."
Saw my dad outside with a tv antenna on his head
When I asked him why, he said he was trying to get more in tune with nature.
I have a heart-on for you.
I’m directing a play about a boy who broke his arm.
You should see the cast.
What do you call a skull without 86 billion neurons?
A no brainer.
I took a blood test today
It was easy. I got A+, and I didn't even have to study!
I just found out that my son got a tattoo of spades, diamonds, hearts, and clubs on his arm.
I might have to deal with him later.
Why do action potentials make good volleyball players?
They are always spiking.
Why did the neuron like to sleep in the top bunk bed?
It wanted to have a high resting potential.
I heard about a football player who had a heart attack and collapsed on top of his opponent.
He was dead on a rival.
What do Mexicans wear on their heads in the pool?
Swimbreros.
Where does a neuron keep its money?
In a brain bank.
Son: What happens when white blood cells fail to protect us from an infection?
Dad: Their effort goes in vein.
What do you call a person missing 75%, of their spine?
A quarterback.
A friend failed his medical exam when he X-rayed his lower torso.
He didn’t put his heart into it.
I didn't want to have brain surgery but I had to.
I guess it changed my mind.
Why did the skeleton start a fight?
He had a bone to pick.
What did the angry brain say to the nociceptor?
"You're a real pain."
Exasperated, I threw my hands up in the air and shouted at my wife, "I'm not a complete idiot!" She smiled at me and purred, "I know honey."
"Some parts are missing."
Why did the blood sucking insect learn Latin?
It wanted to be a Roman-tic
What do you call two spine bones that are friends?
Vertebros.
Well, you have to hand it to relay runners, don't you?
"Let's have some skele-fun."
What vegetable lives in your heart?
Beets.
I can't stand people who don't wash their hands.
They make me sick.
What kind of fish performs brain surgery?
A neurosturgeon.
Started reading a book called “The Pirate’s Wrist”
I’m hooked.
Why couldn’t the skeleton get out of bed?
He was bone tired.
So my blood test came back positive.
Turns out I’m full of the stuff.
Before I became a dad, I was terrified I wouldn't know how to be a good one. Oddly enough, it turns out, it's in my blood - I come from a long line of fathers.
What dinner dish does a developing neuron use?
A neural plate.
I'm glad I have my 2nd Amendment right to bear arms.
Otherwise, I'd have been amputated at birth.
Just been to the funeral of a close friend who died when he was hit in the head by a tennis ball
Great service.
Did you hear about the guy who got his left arm and left leg cut off?
That’s okay, he’s all-right now!
happens when you bother the parietal lobe?
It gets very touchy.
"Lazy bones."
I highly encourage you to have more brain farts
It develops mental fartitude.
What is a brain's favorite kind of boat?
A cranial blood vessel.
Why are blood physicians so rich?
Because blood cells.
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