What’s it called your backpack messes up your spine?
Schooliosis !
What can't cows stand on their hind legs?
Because they lactose.
Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
Because he didn't have the guts.
Why are hands so reliable?
Because you can always count on them.
Two blood cells can meet and fall in love with each other, but it is all in vein.
What did the skeleton say to the French soldier? Bone Jaw
Why didn’t the skeleton feel like patching up his broken ribcage?
His heart wasn’t in it.
What did the vampire say to the vampire hunter that missed his heart.
Well wasnt that an unfortunate missed-stake.
A lady stormed off when I asked about her hand bag.
Maybe the question was to pursonal.
I caught the chef sticking his hand in the cooking pot. He looked at me and said...
"I was just feeling a little chili."
Don't you just hate it when it's 212 degrees outside? It really just makes my blood boil.
My dad told me to finish his bird painting. He painted the head, torso and legs.
To be honest, I just winged it.
What do you say when you go to a dinner with a bunch of osteopathologists?
Bone appetit!
I highly encourage you to have more brain farts
It develops mental fartitude.
How did the woman react when the doctor suggested she have a brain biopsy?
She gave him a piece of her mind.
Why did the blood sucking insect learn Latin?
It wanted to be a Roman-tic
"Lazy bones."
Why does the skeleton wear skinny jeans?
Because it’s got a marrow waistline.
My wife bought me a scalp massager for Christmas, but I couldn't figure out what it was.
Turns out it was a real head scratcher.
What did the stimulus do to the neuron after they got married?
Carried it over the threshold.
What do you call a cow with two legs?
Lean beef.
A knew a guy with such a bad gambling addiction, that he gambled his arms, legs, and torso away.
I told him to quit while he was a head.
happens when you bother the parietal lobe?
It gets very touchy.
What do you call two spine bones that are friends?
Vertebros.
How did the gambler know his hand would stink?
Because he was holding deuces.
What do you call two spine bones that are friends?
Vertebros.
What happens if you break the brain scanner?
I need to stop being such a numbskull.
What happened to the pirate who lost his peg leg?
He couldn't find it, so he was stumped.
When does a brain get afraid?
When it loses its nerve.
Where do you imprison a naughty skeleton?
A rib cage.
A person without arms and a knife in their mouth is still technically armed,
but only to the teeth.
Doctor said I’m at risk of having a heart attack due to high sodium intake.
I took what he said with a grain of salt.
What do you call it when you try to woo someone with 50% of a Valentine?
A halfhearted attempt.
No body has ever won a skeleton race.
You’re so beautiful, I can heartly believe my eyes.
I thought I broke my leg when I tripped over a box of Kleenex last night
But the doctor said it's only tissue damage.
Near the town of Hannah Montana people found a dinosaur skeleton.
Scientists identified it as a Mileysaurus.
Why was the skeleton so lonely?
He had no body.
You must be a defibrillator because you are sending shocks directly to my heart.
Scientist are shocked after discovery of a new african bee species that can keep on flying even after their heart stops.
Local tribes in fear of a zombee apocalypse
A friend of mine lost the right side of of his brain in a car accident, but he wouldn’t stop drinking and driving.
No one in their right mind would do that.
Did you hear about the skeleton that was almost picked apart by a group of wild dogs?
He marrowly escaped.
My son was injected with poisoned blood from a person from Finland
He said "I am finnished."
Why does a skeleton always tell the truth?
He wants tibia honest.
My hypochondriac brother just told me he thinks he's got a brain tumor.
I told him not to worry, it's probably all in his head.
"Bone to be wild."
What do you call a martial artist who injured his leg?
Bruised Knee.
A mime in our town was arrested yesterday after he got into a bar fight and broke his left arm.
He still has the right to remain silent.
My wife tried to unlatch our daughter's car seat with one hand and said, "How do one armed mothers do it?" Without missing a beat I replied, "Single handedly."
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