Why did the skeleton start a fight?
He had a bone to pick.
A friend of mine lost the right side of of his brain in a car accident, but he wouldn’t stop drinking and driving.
No one in their right mind would do that.
Why can’t a legless skeleton win an argument?
They don’t have a leg to stand on.
How does the spinal cord hammer a nail into a wall?
With a series of spinal taps.
What did the heart say to the brain before an exam?
You look nervous.
My wrists hurt whenever I drive to work with my co-workers and we go through a tunnel.
I think it's carpool tunnel syndrome.
A surgeon was about to perform heart surgery when he received notice that the replacement was delivered to his house!
Home is where the heart is.
What Do You Say To A One Legged Hitch Hiker
Hop In.
What do you call a martial artist who injured his leg?
Bruised Knee.
What do you call the shirt a neurosurgeon wears to every brain surgery?
His specialty.
Where do you imprison a naughty skeleton?
A rib cage.
Recently, my friend had his ankle bone crack.
I told him he shouldn't be so broken up over it.
What do you call glia when it is happy?
Smyelin.
Started reading a book called “The Pirate’s Wrist”
I’m hooked.
I tried making a machine that shoots bullets out of your fingers, but it shot out my spine instead.
Well, that back fired.
What is the brain's favorite television channel?
The Neural Network.
How did the mother know her child would become a neuroanatomist?
He was constantly staining stuff.
A mime in our town was arrested yesterday after he got into a bar fight and broke his left arm.
He still has the right to remain silent.
Why do brain cells grown in a dish attend the ballet and opera?
Because they are very cultured.
Sigmund Freud used to always wear a piece of jewelry on his wrist...
It was an id bracelet.
I used to get heartburn when I ate birthday cake until a doctor advised me to take the candles off first.
I lub dub you with all my heart.
A brain aneurysm would be swell.
What bone does a dog not eat?
A trombone.
Baking and Fire Safety can go hand-in-hand.
Stop, drop and roll
Why do skeletons never move?
Because they have too much Skelatonin.
What is a myelinated neuron's favorite type of music?
Wrap music.
What did the brain say after it got an electrical shock?
"This was a stimulating experience."
My son asked me why our sailboat is named Blood
I yelled back: "Because it’s a bloody vessel!"
I bought a bunch of antique spears online, but they arrived without their spear heads.
I got shafted.
Why were the two retinas such good friends?
They always saw eye-to-eye.
I was walking down an alley in Scotland when I found a severed man's hand...
I wonder if he was kilt.
Where does a neuron keep its money?
In a brain bank.
One day, I looked to my spine and said
Thanks for all the support! Thanks to you we've grown to new heights.
What did the stimulus do to the neuron after they got married?
Carried it over the threshold.
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs floating in a pool?
Bob.
What bug has 100 legs and lives by the outhouse?
Scenta-Peed.
Son: What happens when white blood cells fail to protect us from an infection?
Dad: Their effort goes in vein.
Have you heard of the story about the campanologist without arms?
Doesn't ring a bell.
I'm going to get the numbers 1 through 30 tattooed up my arm.
That way people can always count on me.
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
I think I'm getting curvature of the spine...
I haven't seen a doctor yet, it's just a hunch.
Always think hard before you get married because on one hand you have a cool ring but on the other hand you don’t.
I broke both my legs yesterday and now I have to use a wheelchair
I really can’t stand my situation right now.
I find that the quickest way to man's heart
is with a very very sharp knife.
What do you call two spine bones that are friends?
Vertebros.
What did the right hemisphere say to the left hemisphere when they could not agree on anything?
Let's split.
What do you call a guy that hands out free kebabs to the hungry?
A Döner.
What is a profession involving spine realignment in Egypt?
A Cairo-practor.
When we put our two hearts together, we can’t be beat.
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