Why do brain cells grown in a dish attend the ballet and opera?
Because they are very cultured.
I was doing brain surgery to a patient the other day
He was rather open-minded if you ask me.
What did one deoxygenated blood cell say to the other?
We're all in vain.
What did the doctor give the lollipop when he broke his leg
A candy cane.
How does the Pope dry his hands?
He uses a Papal towel.
What do Mexicans wear on their heads in the pool?
Swimbreros.
Did you hear about the guy who got his left arm and left leg cut off?
That’s okay, he’s all-right now!
I had to give an impromptu speech on a piece of cloth that encircles the wrist...
I spoke off the cuff on the cuff.
What did the vampire say to the vampire hunter that missed his heart.
Well wasnt that an unfortunate missed-stake.
There’s a man in Florida with no arms or legs who is armed and on the run
When does a brain get afraid?
When it loses its nerve.
What is the best toothpaste for the brain?
Neural crest.
Does anybody remember the joke I posted about my spine?
It was about a weak back.
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs floating in a pool?
Bob.
Where do you learn about bones?
Osteoclasst.
What do you call a barbecued, blood-sucking insect?
Mesquite-o.
I need to stop being such a numbskull.
What do you get when you throw a hand grenade into a French bathroom?
Linoleum Blownapart.
A friend failed his medical exam when he X-rayed his lower torso.
He didn’t put his heart into it.
What happens when you anger a brain surgeon?
They will give you a piece of your mind.
Two blood cells can meet and fall in love with each other, but it is all in vein.
You wanna know the way to my heart?
A scalpel and a bone saw.
What did the osteopathic medicine doctor bring to the potluck?
Spare ribs.
What do you call a fake bone?
A faux-knee.
You really gotta hand it to short people, because they can't reach it on their own.
My cranium is empty. I'm running bone-dry here.
I bring my knees to my head and lean forwards.
That's just how I roll.
Sigmund Freud used to always wear a piece of jewelry on his wrist...
It was an id bracelet.
A fly fell down out of nowhere on my wrist
It died on my watch.
Have you heard about the guy who made a bomb out of a brain?
It was pretty mindblowing.
I tried making a machine that shoots bullets out of your fingers, but it shot out my spine instead.
Well, that back fired.
An action potential takes the train to school. What is the name of the train station where it gets off for school?
Axon terminal.
What did the right hemisphere say to the left hemisphere when they could not agree on anything?
Let's split.
Why didn’t one skeleton want to look at the other skeleton?
He didn’t have the stomach for it.
How do a group of skeletons drive to work?
In the carpal lane.
What do you call a father who’s against hand bags?
Antiperspirant.
I auditioned to be a carpenter’s hand.
Nailed it.
I used to get heartburn when I ate birthday cake until a doctor advised me to take the candles off first.
My friend has an insect parasite that can't stop fidgeting as it sucks blood.
He has a nervous tick.
Honey! I know this can be a bit cheesy, but you will always have a big pizza my heart.
Nurse: Here’s our list of donor hearts and livers in alphabetical order.
Doctor: wow. Looks very ORGANized.
My local pizza place is selling heart shaped pizzas for Valentine’s Day
I find it to be a bit cheesy.
What does a brain do when it sees a friend across the street?
Gives a brain wave.
What do you call a man with no legs and no arms resting on a porch?
Matt.
What is a red heads favorite drink?
Ginger Ale.
What did the stimulus do to the neuron after they got married?
Carried it over the threshold.
My doctor forgot to document my blood type.
It was a typo.
You’ve stolen my heart. I hereby place you under cardiac arrest.
What’s the coolest part of a skeleton?
The hip.
I love my wife with all my butt! I should have to say heart, but my heart is actually smaller than my butt.
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