6:30 is hands down the best time on a clock
I have a heart-on for you.
That girl must be a premature contraction as she makes my heart skip a beat.
I love my wife with all my butt! I should have to say heart, but my heart is actually smaller than my butt.
What is a skeleton’s favorite plant?
A bone-zai tree.
You’re my sweetheart, and I’m so pumped about that.
Why are fish so smart?
They spend a lot of time in schools.
What do you call it when a cardiology student flunks out?
Heart failure.
My friend built an aromatherapy vaporiser with a built-in brain scanner
Seems a bit out there, but makes scents when you think about it.
What did the skeleton say to the French soldier? Bone Jaw
What human body part is long, hard, bendable, and contains the letters p,e,n,i,s?
Your spine.
What is a red heads favorite drink?
Ginger Ale.
Exasperated, I threw my hands up in the air and shouted at my wife, "I'm not a complete idiot!" She smiled at me and purred, "I know honey."
"Some parts are missing."
Where do skeletons go hang out at night?
Anywhere, as long as it's a hip joint.
What's a skeletons favorite activity?
Boning.
What did the dinosaur say to his lover?
You make my heart saur!
Where do you learn about bones?
Osteoclasst.
Why are bones so calm?
Nothing gets under their skin.
Why did the brain go into a group of trees to sleep?
For rest. (forest)
What do you call a crazy blood-sucking parasite?
A lunatick!
Why didn’t the skeleton scare the trick-or-treaters on Halloween?
He didn’t have the heart.
Why does a skeleton always tell the truth?
He wants tibia honest.
Son: What happens when white blood cells fail to protect us from an infection?
Dad: Their effort goes in vein.
What does a skeleton play in a band?
A Trom-Bone.
Have you heard of the story about the campanologist without arms?
Doesn't ring a bell.
What does the visual system use to play basketball?
Eyeballs.
A golfer had a heart attack and died on the way to the hospital. He was on a fairway to heaven.
No body has ever won a skeleton race.
Why did the little girl color her paper heart pink rather than red?
She was feeling lighthearted.
I thought I broke my leg when I tripped over a box of Kleenex last night
But the doctor said it's only tissue damage.
What does a zombie say as he squishes your brains between his fingers?
Got your knows.
What do you get when you cross a "bad idea for using fur" with 86 billion neurons?
A hare-brained idea.
Why did the pianist have to be rushed into surgery after his latest performance?
He played his heart out.
What are the two most profane bones in the human body?
The blasfemurs.
Asked my son what his favourite thing about Popeye was.
He said, "Forearms."
I said, "No, he only has two."
How does the spinal cord hammer a nail into a wall?
With a series of spinal taps.
My dad told me to finish his bird painting. He painted the head, torso and legs.
To be honest, I just winged it.
Why does the spinal cord belong in the brass section of an orchestra?
Because of its dorsal and ventral horns.
What dinner dish does a developing neuron use?
A neural plate.
What can't cows stand on their hind legs?
Because they lactose.
I'm surprised you all aren't talking more about that drug with the side effect of making scalps wrinkled.
I mean, it's been making a LOT of head lines.
Why did the skeleton go to the daycare?
To get his Kidneys.
How many bones are in the human hand?
A handful of them.
I broke my spine in an accident last year. Had a life saving operation to fix my neck which permanently locked my head in place.
Since then I've never looked back.
"Let's have some skele-fun."
Why did the pig have a heart attack?
Too much bacon.
I caught the chef sticking his hand in the cooking pot. He looked at me and said...
"I was just feeling a little chili."
What are the magic words for a brainy magician?
Hocus sulcus.
I can't stand people who don't wash their hands.
They make me sick.
What did one skeleton wrestler say to the other?
You better watch out for my special move. It will verta-break your back!
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