I need more soap puns!
Because all the good ones keep slipping through my fingers.
Why did the model bring her lipstick and eye shadow to school?
Because she had a make-up exam!
I saw a show where all the man did was sit on the toilet.
It was a s**tshow.
Getting tired of all this laundry. I’m going to throw the towel in.
I cant use the urinals when there's a person next to me, I get pee-er pressure
What do you call a man who lives in a bathroom?
Lou.
Toilet jokes aren’t my favorite...
But they’re a solid number 2.
Why do they put lotion in tissues?
To soften the blow.
I always wanted to keep my wisdom teeth but I just went to the dentist and it looks like they're gonna have to be removed...
To be honest this is pretty de-molar-izing.
I saw a sign above the urinal that read: "This is a urinal."
"No Sh**".
Why are urinals the worst place to spend time?
Because it’s where all the di**s hang out.
A man walks into a zoo, there was only one animal in the zoo.
It was a Shitzu.
Two flies were sitting on a urinal. Everything was going well between them, until one got pissed.
I'm looking to sell my toothpaste collection.
Don't worry, they're all in mint condition.
Why don’t Satanic boats ever sink?
Because they’re Unholy.
What is a dung beetle's favorite holiday song?
"All I Want for Christmas is Poo"
What do you call a tariff on skin?
A tax-a-dermis!
I tried giving my cat a bath and it sucked...
I couldn't get the fur off my tongue for a week.
My mother always told me that the best place to mend clothing is in a wash basin
but I don't sink sew.
There was a knock at the door this morning. I opened it and there was a wash basin on the doorstep.
I thought, "I'd better let this sink in."
I tried to tell a joke about towels...
But people don’t like my dry humor.
What did the copy machine say when it spilled it’s skincare?
"Oh no, that was my toner"
Why do perfumes always hang out in pairs?
Because they don't want to get cologne-ly!
What kind of doctor checks ghost poo?
A ghost-roenterologist.
I do not like lotion at all.
It really gets under my skin.
When you buy a bigger bathtub....
You have more bath room, but less bathroom.
Why didn’t the teacher want to fart in front of anyone?
He was a private tootor.
Here’s my best advice for getting a job in the lotion industry:
Apply daily.
I had to unclog my sink today.
I found it to be very draining.
"Is it the tar that smells like farts?"
"No, it was your asphalt"
Why didn’t the toilet paper cross the road?
Because it got stuck in a crack.
A plumber and his coworkers finally fixed his own sink after years of not having access to tap water. He started crying, and his coworkers asked why.
He said with a trembling voice, "Because water works!"
My doctor told me to drink two glasses of red wine after a hot bath...
But I can't even finish drinking the hot bath.
Police have reported that a baseball themed perfume factory has blown up under mysterious circumstances.
They said it smells like Foul Play.
Never fart in an apple store
They don't have windows.
I tried to visit the house where the guy who invented toothpaste was born.
Sadly, there was no plaque on it.
France gave perfumes to countries it dominated in the past...
That was classic Colognialism.
I couldn't shave this morning because someone stole my mirror.
The police are looking into it.
I won a contest extracting the most water from a towel, I'm now known as the....
Lord of the Wrings.
Don't ever think dentists are perfect individuals
They most certainly have floss.
Some people stand up off the toilet before they flush, but I don’t
I don’t want to see that sh**!
Where do killer whales go to get their braces?
The orca-dontist.
Why did the girl put lipstick on her forehead?
She needed to makeup her mind!
If you poop in your sleep...
You have sleep crapnea.
Turns out our washing machine DOES have a “baby poop” setting.
It’s called “Heavy Doody”
What do you call a toilet perched on top of an active volcano?
The lavatory.
My dentist says I don't brush enough but hey-
We all have our floss.
What’s the leading cause of dry skin?
Towels.
What is it called when you're singing in the shower and shampoo gets in your mouth?
A soap opera.
My wife asked me, “Did you fog up the bathroom mirror again?”
I said, “I don’t see myself doing that.”
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