My friend once used laughing gas as deodorant.
He smelled funny the whole day.
I don't use shampoo when I wash my hair.
I'm a man - I use real poo.
What did one soap molecule say to the other soap molecule in prison?
"Get out. This is micelle"
What do you call a perfume that missed its deadline?
Eau de too late.
Told my wife I’m going to take a shower.
She said, dn’t take it too far!
I go through so much shampoo it's just ridiculous!
I don't know, maybe my head is bigger than most but it does say to use a cap full.
What do you call a turd made by the captain of a vessel?
The Captain's Log
What did the flirty shower head say?
"Every naked person I see turns me on!"
Did you see that meteor shower?
No, I respect others’ privacy.
I tried to turn on a tap. It was a bit stiff though...
So I had to faucet.
What kind of doctor checks ghost poo?
A ghost-roenterologist.
This lady at the supermarket is staring at me, like she's never seen anyone put on deodorant...
And then put it back on the shelf.
Dialysis is a blood bath.
Why are urinals the worst place to spend time?
Because it’s where all the di**s hang out.
I used my credit card to buy 1-ply toilet paper.
And now I'm paying for it.
Police have reported that a baseball themed perfume factory has blown up under mysterious circumstances.
They said it smells like Foul Play.
My Buddhist friend just gave me a “Nirvana” scented perfume.
It smells like Teen Spirit.
What cosmetic does DNA put on?
Genetic makeup.
Why is your nose in the middle of your face?
Because it's the scenter.
How does a napkin sneeze?
Tissue.
Why could the toilet paper not stop?
Because it was on a role.
Why didn't the toilet paper finish the race?
Because it was wiped out.
If you take a dump on a stump...
Does that make it a toilet tree?
You're not allowed to eat teeth
It's for-bitten.
I just dropped my phone in the bath
Now it's syncing.
How does the tooth fairy survive a hurricane? She braces for it.
My wife asked me to help her apply mascara...
It was an eye-opening experience.
"Have you seen our toilet roll?" asked my wife.
"Don't be silly," I replied.
"A toilet is a stationary object."
I tried to tell a joke about towels...
But people don’t like my dry humor.
I just won local "Worst Body Odor Contest".
No one else came close.
Campground bathrooms are always behind the times.
They're all past tents.
What do you call spooky mascara
Mascarea.
Did you hear about the wisdom tooth who got smart with the dentist?
[removed]
If you think the 45 degree ski slope is tough,
Wait until you try the 110 degree hot tub!
Turns out our washing machine DOES have a “baby poop” setting.
It’s called “Heavy Doody”
I found a side job collecting dog poo from people's yards.
It's not much, but business is picking up.
I asked the kids to pickup the dog poo out the back
They did a crap job.
Prince Charles is selling his towel.
If anybody wants a heir dryer...
My friend explained how powerful (yet invisible) farts work via demonstration.
I was blown away by his transparency.
Dad asked if he could borrow my deodorant.
I said "sure, no sweat."
If a clown farts...
Does it smell funny?
What do you call coffee made from poo?
Crappuccino.
Have you ever heard of the book "They Yellow River"?
It was written by I.P. Daily.
I once knew an arrogant sponge.
He was very self absorbed
What do you call a food waste disposter installed in the sink?
In-sink-erator
Whats A tooth fairys favorite movie?
Jaws.
Did you hear about the new book called "100 Miles to the Next Restroom"?
It's by Will E. Mayket and Betty Wunt.
This can of deodorant said it "Lasts 24 hours"...
So the next day I bought another can.
What do you call a tree without teeth?
A gumtree.
Did you hear about how deodorant lead to the capture of a cold war agent?
The scent of old spies gave him away.
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