I was thinking about hopping in the shower...
But I realized that I might slip and hurt myself.
"Is it the tar that smells like farts?"
"No, it was your asphalt"
If you poop in your sleep...
You have sleep crapnea.
What do you call a disabled paper towel?
A napkan't.
Which one of Sneezy’s kids hid his tissue paper?
Runny Knows!
Did you just hear that perfume bottle talk?
I think it's becoming scentient.
How does the tooth fairy survive a hurricane? She braces for it.
When you walk into the bathroom...
Urine there.
"Hey dad, my electric toothbrush is broken!"
"No son, it's just gone acoustic."
Why didn’t the toilet paper cross the road?
Because it got stuck in a crack.
Why is it a bad idea to give a cat a bath?
It will surely end in a cat-astrophe.
A lot of people can't figure out the right way to dry their towels.
It's just something they tend to get hung up on.
People who pretends to never go taking a dump are full of sh**.
What's the difference between a peeping tom and somebody getting out of a bath?
One is rude and nosy, the other is nude and rosy.
I used my credit card to buy 1-ply toilet paper.
And now I'm paying for it.
How does the moon take a bath?
It has meteor showers!
I saved the exact location of my toilet on my computer.
It's labelled as my 'I Pee' address.
"Have you seen our toilet roll?" asked my wife.
"Don't be silly," I replied.
"A toilet is a stationary object."
If your hair is long enough when shampooing...
Does Head & Shoulders then become Knees & Toes?
Heard a joke about urinals, but it didn't make me laugh.
I guess you had to pee there.
I asked the kids to pickup the dog poo out the back
They did a crap job.
What condiment needs to go to the restroom the most?
Must-turd.
What do you call coffee made from poo?
Crappuccino.
My Dad always told me to stand on a bottle of shampoo at job interviews...
That way I'd be 'head & shoulders' above the competition.
I was on the way to the gorcer when I remembered, I need to put toothpaste on the grocery list.
My dad said, "Don't do that! It'll be all messy!"
I accidently sprayed deoderant in my mouth
Now every time I speak I have a weird Axe Scent.
Why did it take dad an hour to choose which skin cream to buy?
He didn't want to make a rash decision.
Why do vampires clean their teeth three times a day?
To prevent bat breath.
There was a knock at the door this morning. I opened it and there was a wash basin on the doorstep.
I thought, "I'd better let this sink in."
My wife is furious at me for buying an expensive make-your-own-perfume kit.
But it just made scents to me.
Did you hear about the new book called "100 Miles to the Next Restroom"?
It's by Will E. Mayket and Betty Wunt.
Campground bathrooms are always behind the times.
They're all past tents.
Why does it cost $1 to use the urinal at the Department of Homeland Security?
If you pee something, pay something.
You're not allowed to eat teeth
It's for-bitten.
Told my wife I’m going to take a shower.
She said, dn’t take it too far!
My husband won't let the kids take toys with them when they go potty, but I do.
It is a toy-let, after all.
What did Archimedes's girlfriend told him when he hadn't taken bath for several days?
Eu-reek-a
I've seen a meteor shower,
but never seen a meteor take a bath.
I always start my day with makeup. It's the foundation for a good day, y'know? It covers up anything from yesterday and really sets things in place so I can powder through my work.
Woke up this morning to a tap on my door.
That plumber has some sense of humour.
I got this new chapstick today...
It's the balm!
What did the clean DNA say to the dirty DNA?
Hygiene!
Why did the model bring her lipstick and eye shadow to school?
Because she had a make-up exam!
Dialysis is a blood bath.
I was sick and tired of the kids leaving their business in the toilet, so I yelled at them.
They immediately flushed with embarrassment.
What’s that Nevada city where all the dentists visit?
Floss Vegas.
I wanted to do the dishes and wasn’t sure where I put the dish soap.
Then it Dawned on me.
Ever use one of those expensive toothbrushes?
It's breath-taking.
Have you ever heard of the book "They Yellow River"?
It was written by I.P. Daily.
I was in the toilet for so long, I finally said to myself...
I'm getting too old for this s**t.
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