Did you hear about the wisdom tooth who got smart with the dentist?
[removed]
My wife is furious at me for buying an expensive make-your-own-perfume kit.
But it just made scents to me.
What bug has 100 legs and lives by the outhouse?
Scenta-Peed.
What did the toothpaste wear to the club?
A tube top!
Saw a sign for bath plugs. I didn’t know that was electric!
If you don't use a bidet...
You're doing a half-a*sed job.
Mascara and lipstick broke up last week.
Now they are trying to make-up!
As summer approaches, I think it’s a good idea to use two deodorants, one under each armpit.
But that’s just my two scents.
My friend said he got a package containing soaps from around the world...
But it was a pack of lyes.
I'm developing a new fragrance for introverts
It's called "Leave me the fuh cologne".
My friend bought a different toothpaste this time...
It was a nice change of paste.
What did the judge say when a skunk walked into the courtroom?
"Odor in the court!"
What condiment needs to go to the restroom the most?
Must-turd.
I just installed a brand new Luxe bidet!
I’ve been having a blast.
I go through so much shampoo it's just ridiculous!
I don't know, maybe my head is bigger than most but it does say to use a cap full.
I usually sing with a deep voice. But when I wash my hands,
I sing faucetto.
I just dropped my phone in the bath
Now it's syncing.
I was sick and tired of the kids leaving their business in the toilet, so I yelled at them.
They immediately flushed with embarrassment.
Police are appealing to the man who stole all the soap from the supermarket
To come clean
When your poo goes into the sewers, it's not yours anymore.
It becomes pooblic domain.
Have you ever heard of the book "They Yellow River"?
It was written by I.P. Daily.
I just won local "Worst Body Odor Contest".
No one else came close.
What's the difference between sanitizer and moisturizer?
One will burn your eyes, the other will moisturize.
My wife was at the store earlier and she texted me saying, “Should I buy new beach towels?”
I wrote back, “Shore.”
I entered an auction on Ebay for a water butt cleaner.
But, I got out-bidet.
I’ve been going through a lot of sh** lately
I hate my job as a plumber.
I was washing the car with my son, until he said...
“Dad, please, can’t you just use a sponge?”
What did pharaohs use to wipe?
Poo-pyrus.
You wanna know how I remember every poop I take?
I keep a log.
The other day my wife asked me to pass her lipstick, but I accidentally gave her a glue stick....
She still isn't talking to me.
What's it called when a perfume climbs up the stairs?
Ascent.
My dad was fixing the basin in the bathroom and accidentally broke some tiles.
My mother said, "I told you that method would be fewtile".
The world tongue-twister champion just got arrested.
I hear they're gonna give him a really tough sentence.
There was a knock at the door this morning. I opened it and there was a wash basin on the doorstep.
I thought, "I'd better let this sink in."
Why do vampires clean their teeth three times a day?
To prevent bat breath.
What do you call a turd made by the captain of a vessel?
The Captain's Log
If you’re Russian to the bathroom, Finnish when you leave, what are you while you are in?
European.
My neighbour didn't like it when I told him off about hoarding toilet paper
To be honest, I think he was being very anal about it.
When is it appropriate to sleep in a bathtub?
When you're feeling drained.
I tried giving my cat a bath and it sucked...
I couldn't get the fur off my tongue for a week.
If you take a dump on a stump...
Does that make it a toilet tree?
What do you call two beautiful cat that sit together in the basin?
Purrfectly in sink.
Many people believe liquid soap is more hygienic than soap bars.
Don't listen to them, it is only a slippery soap argument.
Why do people say "hit the showers"
What did the showers ever do to you?
Have you heard what happened to unemployed perfume makers?
They are not making any scents.
Made a shoe out of tea bags for my wife, she said she needed to wipe her nose.
After letting elephant dung dry in the sun, it's nearly indestructible.
In fact, I'd say it's pretty heavy doody.
I saw a show where all the man did was sit on the toilet.
It was a s**tshow.
I ran out of toilet paper last week, tried the closest thing I could find: the newspapers. Now the realisation has kicked in...
The Times are really Rough!
I tried to make a poo but could only squeeze out a p**.
I must be missing some bowels.
Go to BabaMail
