I was on the way to the gorcer when I remembered, I need to put toothpaste on the grocery list.
My dad said, "Don't do that! It'll be all messy!"
What did Archimedes's girlfriend told him when he hadn't taken bath for several days?
Eu-reek-a
There's a programme about the history of perfume on TV tonight.
It's on at 8pm on Chanel Number 5!
What's it called when a perfume climbs up the stairs?
Ascent.
How does the moon take a bath?
It has meteor showers!
To all ya'll without tap water,
Get well soon.
This can of deodorant said it "Lasts 24 hours"...
So the next day I bought another can.
I need more soap puns!
Because all the good ones keep slipping through my fingers.
I've seen a meteor shower,
but never seen a meteor take a bath.
I recently opened a building with an exhibition of dermatological skin cases.
It’s a real gallery of the fine warts.
I thought I broke my leg when I tripped over a box of Kleenex last night
But the doctor said it's only tissue damage.
What do you call coffee made from poo?
Crappuccino.
I finally realized why trees don’t have teeth.
Turns out, they’re all bark and no bite.
My wife asked me, “Did you fog up the bathroom mirror again?”
I said, “I don’t see myself doing that.”
What do you call an East-European cosmetic?
Nail Polish.
What do you call spooky mascara
Mascarea.
How does the tooth fairy survive a hurricane? She braces for it.
Toilet jokes aren’t my favorite...
But they’re a solid number 2.
Why does it cost $1 to use the urinal at the Department of Homeland Security?
If you pee something, pay something.
What do you call a sleeping paper towel?
A napkin.
I tried giving my cat a bath and it sucked...
I couldn't get the fur off my tongue for a week.
Why is it a bad idea to swallow toothpaste?
Because you’ll destroy your stomach cavity!
What did the flirty napking say to the dinner guests?
"Let me sit on your lap"
I got this new chapstick today...
It's the balm!
What did the clean DNA say to the dirty DNA?
Hygiene!
I tried to make a poo but could only squeeze out a p**.
I must be missing some bowels.
Dialysis is a blood bath.
What kind of day ends with no toilet paper?
A bidet.
What do you call a turd made by the captain of a vessel?
The Captain's Log
I can't find my scrubber in the shower
It's aloof-ah
Why is it a bad idea to give a cat a bath?
It will surely end in a cat-astrophe.
What makes it okay for bats to just poop wherever they want?
For a bat, every room is the batroom.
Dung Beetles know how to keep their sh** together.
There was a knock at the door this morning. I opened it and there was a wash basin on the doorstep.
I thought, "I'd better let this sink in."
I ran out of toilet paper last week, tried the closest thing I could find: the newspapers. Now the realisation has kicked in...
The Times are really Rough!
What did the duck say when she purchased new lipstick?
"Put it on my bill."
My friend explained how powerful (yet invisible) farts work via demonstration.
I was blown away by his transparency.
Why didn’t the toilet paper cross the road?
Because it got stuck in a crack.
The magazine my daughter gets each month always smells like perfume. I wondered aloud if they scent it.
Then I realized, of course they sent it. Otherwise it would have never come.
Scientists have just discovered a fossilized Dinosaur fart...
They say it’s a blast from the past!
what's the best day of the week to poop?
saTURDay.
What's the difference between a peeping tom and somebody getting out of a bath?
One is rude and nosy, the other is nude and rosy.
How do sponges talk to the devil?
They use a squeegee board.
Saw a sign for bath plugs. I didn’t know that was electric!
The other day my wife asked me to pass her lipstick, but I accidentally gave her a glue stick....
She still isn't talking to me.
Heard a joke about urinals, but it didn't make me laugh.
I guess you had to pee there.
I always hate having to unblock the toilet.
I’m never quite ready to take the plunge.
France gave perfumes to countries it dominated in the past...
That was classic Colognialism.
What cosmetic does DNA put on?
Genetic makeup.
What condiment needs to go to the restroom the most?
Must-turd.
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