My wife is mad at me because I took a dump on the roof...
How can I wipe the slate clean?
I had to wait in line for 20 minutes just to buy some really cheap toilet paper!
It was a pain in the a**
I've seen a meteor shower,
but never seen a meteor take a bath.
What would you call a familiar scent?
Nose-talgic.
I wonder...
How much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.
Cut a piece of poo into three pieces today.
Now I have turds.
When a guy sees another guy at a urinal and makes sure to go two spots away, it's called "social pisstancing".
What do you call a disabled paper towel?
A napkan't.
The doctor told me to get in a bathtub full of milk to soothe my sunburn, I asked him 'pasteurized?'
He said 'No, just up to your neck'
Why did the painter take a dump on the floor?
It was the work of fart.
I wanted to redo the flooring in my bathroom, but I did not have enough tiles...
It was a few'tile effort.
There's a programme about the history of perfume on TV tonight.
It's on at 8pm on Chanel Number 5!
In a recent study, NASA scientists confirmed that Uranus smells like farts.
My friend said he got a package containing soaps from around the world...
But it was a pack of lyes.
I don't understand why Bed Bath & Beyond is considered a non-essential business.
Don't they carry essential oils?
The world tongue-twister champion just got arrested.
I hear they're gonna give him a really tough sentence.
What did the poop shoveler say when he quit his job?
"I'm dung with this sh*t!"
If you take a dump on a stump...
Does that make it a toilet tree?
What did the toilet say to the urinal after it was hired?
“Urine!”
What's the difference between a peeping tom and somebody getting out of a bath?
One is rude and nosy, the other is nude and rosy.
Noticed the ladies' restroom door was missing the 'W'.
Told my daughter that sign was a bad omen
I always take a dump at 11:59 PM. That way, when the clock strikes midnight it’s the same sh**, different day.
What do you call a duck that steals soap from the bathtub?
A robber ducky.
The girlfriend said she had to go file her nail because it was bothering her.
I asked, "Would that go under N for nail? Or M for Manicure?"
I tried to make a poo but could only squeeze out a p**.
I must be missing some bowels.
If your hair is long enough when shampooing...
Does Head & Shoulders then become Knees & Toes?
I asked the kids to pickup the dog poo out the back
They did a crap job.
Why does it cost $1 to use the urinal at the Department of Homeland Security?
If you pee something, pay something.
Did you just hear that perfume bottle talk?
I think it's becoming scentient.
Putting on makeup and putting on glasses serve the same purpose...
They make the person look better!
What do you call a basin full of denim?
A gene pool!
What do you call coffee made from poo?
Crappuccino.
Once we were so poor, we only had a calendar to use as toilet paper.
Now those days are behind me.
Guess what I got my toilet for its birthday?
A Urinal cake.
Dung Beetles know how to keep their sh** together.
Every time I flush the toilet...
Sh** goes down
It wasn’t my idea to get bidet...
But now I kinda like the little squirt.
What do you call a faucet in the capital of Belgium?
A Brussels spout.
I wanted to do the dishes and wasn’t sure where I put the dish soap.
Then it Dawned on me.
My kid keeps forgetting to flush the toilet after he takes a dump.
"That s**t is getting old," I told him.
What did the showerhead say to the conditioner?
"Get outta hair!"
What kind of degree can you get at a urinal?
A Pee h.D.
A man has to go, but has no toilet paper. His friend says to wipe with a dollar. He comes back all dirty, so his friend asks "What is that horrible smell?". So the man says,
"Hard to wipe with 3 quarters, 2 dimes and a nickel"
Cosmetic surgery used to be such a taboo subject.
Now you can talk about Botox and nobody raises an eyebrow.
What’s the leading cause of dry skin?
Towels.
Scientists have just discovered a fossilized Dinosaur fart...
They say it’s a blast from the past!
What do you call a little tune about atmospheric moisture?
A humi-ditty.
what's the best day of the week to poop?
saTURDay.
Having to wipe with a hemorrhoid is a pain in the a**.
Why do you use an old towel to dry your dog?
Because it's a little rough.
Go to BabaMail
