Moisturiser is good for your skin...
Let that sink in.
Why did the baker go to the toilet?
Because he kneaded a poo.
People who pretends to never go taking a dump are full of sh**.
A kitchen sink that treats you right?
That's a Farrah Fawcett.
I'm developing a new fragrance for introverts
It's called "Leave me the fuh cologne".
I once knew an arrogant sponge.
He was very self absorbed
Why was the dung beetle mad at the store clerk?
Because the clerk sold him shampoo.
I could have sworn that my skin had changed color
But it was just a pigment of my imagination.
What is the invisible man's favorite shampoo?
Clear.
I got tear-free soap in my eye.
It hurts like heck but at least I’m not crying.
I ran out of toilet paper last week, tried the closest thing I could find: the newspapers. Now the realisation has kicked in...
The Times are really Rough!
Some people stand up off the toilet before they flush, but I don’t
I don’t want to see that sh**!
If a wine connoisseur is called a sommelier then a perfume connoisseur should be called a smellier.
When is it appropriate to sleep in a bathtub?
When you're feeling drained.
I overheard some guys talking about wether they prefer to use urinals or toilets to do their business, then one says "I prefer to sit down".
Another friend, shocked, says "I though you were a stand-up guy?"
Mascara and lipstick broke up last week.
Now they are trying to make-up!
Why do you use an old towel to dry your dog?
Because it's a little rough.
Once we were so poor, we only had a calendar to use as toilet paper.
Now those days are behind me.
My brother sprayed on some of his new deodorant. "How do I smell?" He asked.
"With your nose" I replied.
What do you call someone who acts like a piece of fish poop?
A bassturd.
I tried to turn on a tap. It was a bit stiff though...
So I had to faucet.
The instructions on this stick deodorant said "remove cap and push up bottom"...
I can hardly walk!
Guess what I got my toilet for its birthday?
A Urinal cake.
My wife asked me, “Did you fog up the bathroom mirror again?”
I said, “I don’t see myself doing that.”
The doctor told me to get in a bathtub full of milk to soothe my sunburn, I asked him 'pasteurized?'
He said 'No, just up to your neck'
What kind of day ends with no toilet paper?
A bidet.
What did the flirty shower head say?
"Every naked person I see turns me on!"
Gave my pet leopard a bath every day. Now he’s spotless.
I don't like strong perfumes...
I guess I'm inscentsitive.
People who take good care of their hair with just shampoo and water...
Must love it unconditionally.
All the toilets in the police station have disappeared and they are asking for witnesses.
They currently have nothing to go on.
I found a wooden shoe in my toilet today.
It was clogged.
Campground bathrooms are always behind the times.
They're all past tents.
what's the best day of the week to poop?
saTURDay.
Toilet jokes aren’t my favorite...
But they’re a solid number 2.
What do you call a man who lives in a bathroom?
Lou.
I just installed a brand new Luxe bidet!
I’ve been having a blast.
I ran out of deodorant.
I guess I'll go online and odor some more.
I designed a new toilet but cannot find anyone to test it out.
No one gives a crap.
Never fart in an apple store
They don't have windows.
Don't ever think dentists are perfect individuals
They most certainly have floss.
I went to the hardware store and told the cashier I had to replace the plumbing for my sink. "Water pipes?" She asked.
I replied, "The round tubes that liquid flows through."
Which letters stand in line to the public restroom?
What do you call a bathroom line?
A P,Q.
What do you call two beautiful cat that sit together in the basin?
Purrfectly in sink.
Noticed the ladies' restroom door was missing the 'W'.
Told my daughter that sign was a bad omen
What bug has 100 legs and lives by the outhouse?
Scenta-Peed.
I bought a larger sink with a built in subwoofer.
My current one doesn't have enough basin.
What makes it okay for bats to just poop wherever they want?
For a bat, every room is the batroom.
What did the copy machine say when it spilled it’s skincare?
"Oh no, that was my toner"
Said to my husband I'm going to take a hot tub. He said...
"When are you going to put it back?"
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