I was sick and tired of the kids leaving their business in the toilet, so I yelled at them.
They immediately flushed with embarrassment.
A thief stole my toothbrush.
It left a bad taste in my mouth.
Why did the model bring her lipstick and eye shadow to school?
Because she had a make-up exam!
What bird is blue and is great at taking a bath?
A scrub jay!
What do you call it when a doctor puts a camera inside of a bottle of perfume?
A cologne-oscopy.
Only a**holes use bidets.
When a guy sees another guy at a urinal and makes sure to go two spots away, it's called "social pisstancing".
Dialysis is a blood bath.
What do you call a small turd?
A dumpling.
What do you call a man who lives in a bathroom?
Lou.
I bought a larger sink with a built in subwoofer.
My current one doesn't have enough basin.
My friend explained how powerful (yet invisible) farts work via demonstration.
I was blown away by his transparency.
What type of onion can't hold in moisture?
A leek.
Went to the toilet earlier and took a poo...
Not sure whose it was, but it's mine now.
Why did the sponge wake up early?
To get the moist out of the day.
I saw a sign above the urinal that read: "This is a urinal."
"No Sh**".
Have you ever heard of the book "They Yellow River"?
It was written by I.P. Daily.
I recently opened a building with an exhibition of dermatological skin cases.
It’s a real gallery of the fine warts.
What's more important, shampoo or conditioner?
Is it the foamer or the lather?
What did one soap molecule say to the other soap molecule in prison?
"Get out. This is micelle"
What do you call a food waste disposter installed in the sink?
In-sink-erator
Here’s my best advice for getting a job in the lotion industry:
Apply daily.
What do you call a faucet in the capital of Belgium?
A Brussels spout.
After trying out floss for the first time, I couldn't believe how nice it felt.
It truly was a breath of fresh air.
My brother sprayed on some of his new deodorant. "How do I smell?" He asked.
"With your nose" I replied.
You wanna know how I remember every poop I take?
I keep a log.
Do people have strange scents of humor if they laugh at their own farts?
I used to be addicted to soap.
I’m clean now.
My sinks been on deaths door for the past week or so...
I finally decided to pull the plug.
My farts don’t smell, they don’t have noses.
I'm burning a gold-scented candle.
It has a very rich aroma.
I just got a new bathtub
But we dont have to get into that right now
My dad dumps expired peas down the drain. Then he looks at me and says:
“Hey, I peed in the sink”
I can't find my scrubber in the shower
It's aloof-ah
My neighbour didn't like it when I told him off about hoarding toilet paper
To be honest, I think he was being very anal about it.
Made a shoe out of tea bags for my wife, she said she needed to wipe her nose.
I could have sworn that my skin had changed color
But it was just a pigment of my imagination.
What did the toilet say to the urinal after it was hired?
“Urine!”
I made a bridge out of Kleenex.
I have truss tissues.
My family and I like to sleep during the day.
They are my napkin.
My sister just bought a set of odorless perfumes.
It doesn’t make any scents.
What do you call a turd made by the captain of a vessel?
The Captain's Log
All farts...are laughing gas.
There was a group of ants that always went on parties together, but one smelled way worse than the others.
He was de odor ant.
I was at the doctor, complaining about constipation. The doc seemed upset with me. He said,
"You don't give a s**t, do you?"
To all ya'll without tap water,
Get well soon.
I was in the toilet for so long, I finally said to myself...
I'm getting too old for this s**t.
Whats A tooth fairys favorite movie?
Jaws.
Why did the tooth see a therapist?
To get to the root of their problems.
Today I learned some people have a phobia of flushing the toilet.
That must be a sh***y phobia to have.
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