I got shampoo in my eyes while showering today.
My husband said, "That must've been an eye-soapening experience."
Guess what I got my toilet for its birthday?
A Urinal cake.
Do perfumes expire?
In essence, they do.
How does the tooth fairy survive a hurricane? She braces for it.
What did the toothpaste wear to the club?
A tube top!
I couldn't shave this morning because someone stole my mirror.
The police are looking into it.
What do you call it when you need a break at work and go to the bathroom even though you don't need to go?
A sham poo.
Why are the tiles in your shower so jolly?
They're having a grout time.
What did one soap molecule say to the other soap molecule in prison?
"Get out. This is micelle"
Why did the sponge wake up early?
To get the moist out of the day.
I want to open a doctors office with a nail salon inside.
It’ll be called “Many Cures and Manicures”.
I need more soap puns!
Because all the good ones keep slipping through my fingers.
When you walk into the bathroom...
Urine there.
Where do cow farts come from?
The dairy air.
Cosmetic surgery used to be such a taboo subject.
Now you can talk about Botox and nobody raises an eyebrow.
Our local store had a problem with people stealing their feminine hygiene products,
so they installed a padlock.
How do sponges talk to the devil?
They use a squeegee board.
If you think the 45 degree ski slope is tough,
Wait until you try the 110 degree hot tub!
Saw a sign for bath plugs. I didn’t know that was electric!
I asked my friend for a tube of toothpaste. He gave me the smallest tube I’ve ever seen.
Next time, I’ll ask for teethpaste.
France gave perfumes to countries it dominated in the past...
That was classic Colognialism.
Someone stole my fragrance-free lotion...
It was a scentless act of cruelty.
What do you call it when a doctor puts a camera inside of a bottle of perfume?
A cologne-oscopy.
I had to unclog my sink today.
I found it to be very draining.
Why did it take dad an hour to choose which skin cream to buy?
He didn't want to make a rash decision.
What do you call James Bond taking a bath?
Bubble 07
Why Don't Gymnasts Use Towels?
Cause they dumbbell dry.
My mother always told me that the best place to mend clothing is in a wash basin
but I don't sink sew.
I entered an auction on Ebay for a water butt cleaner.
But, I got out-bidet.
Which letters stand in line to the public restroom?
What do you call a bathroom line?
A P,Q.
What happens if you miss the toilet while trying to take a pee?
Urine trouble.
Did you just hear that perfume bottle talk?
I think it's becoming scentient.
There's a programme about the history of perfume on TV tonight.
It's on at 8pm on Chanel Number 5!
I’ve been working on my poop art recently...
It’s pretty sh**.
Why didn’t the teacher want to fart in front of anyone?
He was a private tootor.
Mother Superior had to crack down on sisters wearing perfume in the convent.
She said she would not tolerate such nun scents.
It wasn’t my idea to get bidet...
But now I kinda like the little squirt.
What's the difference between sanitizer and moisturizer?
One will burn your eyes, the other will moisturize.
What’s that Nevada city where all the dentists visit?
Floss Vegas.
The scariest day of my life was when we ran into a bear taking a dump inside our campsite.
That sh** was in
I found a wooden shoe in my toilet today.
It was clogged.
I'm good at manicures but bad at languages.
Although I think I would nail Polish.
As summer approaches, I think it’s a good idea to use two deodorants, one under each armpit.
But that’s just my two scents.
I just installed a brand new Luxe bidet!
I’ve been having a blast.
When is it okay to wash your shoes in the toilet?
When there's a bidet. People use them to wash their booties.
Why can’t a tile walk very well?
He has square feet.
I found a side job collecting dog poo from people's yards.
It's not much, but business is picking up.
Dung Beetles know how to keep their sh** together.
What must a witty perfume have?
Scents of humor.
My dentist said that my oral hygiene wasn't up to scratch, so she recommended me a new toothpaste.
Now all I need is a toothbrush.
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