What condiment needs to go to the restroom the most?
Must-turd.
Woke up this morning to a tap on my door.
That plumber has some sense of humour.
I always hate having to unblock the toilet.
I’m never quite ready to take the plunge.
After my wife had a stressful day at work, I drew her a bath. She wasn't content.
I'm so upset, I even used color pencils for this.
I'm developing a new fragrance for introverts
It's called "Leave me the fuh cologne".
"Hey dad, my electric toothbrush is broken!"
"No son, it's just gone acoustic."
I don't like strong perfumes...
I guess I'm inscentsitive.
What cosmetic does DNA put on?
Genetic makeup.
What do you call a bear with no teeth?
Gummy Bear.
What did one soap molecule say to the other soap molecule in prison?
"Get out. This is micelle"
I'm looking to sell my toothpaste collection.
Don't worry, they're all in mint condition.
I don't understand why Bed Bath & Beyond is considered a non-essential business.
Don't they carry essential oils?
Why did Chanel sue a company which came out with its own "No. 5" perfume?
They thought it was a fragrant violation of the law.
What type of poo smells good?
Shampoo.
The other day my wife asked me to pass her lipstick, but I accidentally gave her a glue stick....
She still isn't talking to me.
A dung beetle spent an entire day rolling a ball of dung up a hill, only to have it fall down to the other side...
Needless to say, he lost his sh*t.
All the toilets in the police station have disappeared and they are asking for witnesses.
They currently have nothing to go on.
My wife was at the store earlier and she texted me saying, “Should I buy new beach towels?”
I wrote back, “Shore.”
I passed my dentistry tests with an A in my written paper.
In Oral, B.
Crooked teeth are criminal!
Luckily a few years behind bars usually straightens them out.
If you don't use a bidet...
You're doing a half-a*sed job.
Have you ever heard of the book "They Yellow River"?
It was written by I.P. Daily.
Cold showers are the best...
...Once you warm up to them
What happens if you miss the toilet while trying to take a pee?
Urine trouble.
I could have sworn that my skin had changed color
But it was just a pigment of my imagination.
My friend claims he works in a soap factory, adding a key ingredient to the process...
He's a lye-er.
What did the duck say when she purchased new lipstick?
"Put it on my bill."
I've stopped paying $6 for sham poo
After all, I make my own DIY genuine poo every morning.
Have you heard about the new his & hers toothpaste?
The flavor is "mint to be".
I forgot to put on deodorant this morning, so I went to the store on my way to work.
It was a quick pit stop.
The magazine my daughter gets each month always smells like perfume. I wondered aloud if they scent it.
Then I realized, of course they sent it. Otherwise it would have never come.
You wanna know how I remember every poop I take?
I keep a log.
Whats A tooth fairys favorite movie?
Jaws.
When you buy a bigger bathtub....
You have more bath room, but less bathroom.
You're not allowed to eat teeth
It's for-bitten.
What did the copy machine say when it spilled it’s skincare?
"Oh no, that was my toner"
I was on the way to the gorcer when I remembered, I need to put toothpaste on the grocery list.
My dad said, "Don't do that! It'll be all messy!"
My wife asked me, “Did you fog up the bathroom mirror again?”
I said, “I don’t see myself doing that.”
A lot of people can't figure out the right way to dry their towels.
It's just something they tend to get hung up on.
I went to the hardware store and told the cashier I had to replace the plumbing for my sink. "Water pipes?" She asked.
I replied, "The round tubes that liquid flows through."
I was walking along when I saw a pile of dog sh** on the side of the street, a little further on I saw an identical one.
That was a crazy deja poo.
Never fart in an apple store
They don't have windows.
What’s the leading cause of dry skin?
Towels.
Why do toilet paper rolls have trust issues?
They're always getting ripped off.
My mother always told me that the best place to mend clothing is in a wash basin
but I don't sink sew.
I couldn't shave this morning because someone stole my mirror.
The police are looking into it.
Did you just hear that perfume bottle talk?
I think it's becoming scentient.
I was washing the car with my son, until he said...
“Dad, please, can’t you just use a sponge?”
What's it called when a perfume climbs up the stairs?
Ascent.
The directions for my new dandruff shampoo are very confusing.
It's a real head-scratcher!
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