When is it okay to wash your shoes in the toilet?
When there's a bidet. People use them to wash their booties.
Guess what I got my toilet for its birthday?
A Urinal cake.
Why don’t Satanic boats ever sink?
Because they’re Unholy.
I had to unclog my sink today.
I found it to be very draining.
If you think the 45 degree ski slope is tough,
Wait until you try the 110 degree hot tub!
Why did the painter take a dump on the floor?
It was the work of fart.
I've seen a meteor shower,
but never seen a meteor take a bath.
A plumber comes home very upset and yells out to his wife- "honey, you would not believe the bidet I've had."
Have you heard Mariah Kleenex's big holiday single?
It's called "I Don't Want a Snot for Christmas"
Why didn't the lemon juice like the soap?
Because he was basic.
I overheard some guys talking about wether they prefer to use urinals or toilets to do their business, then one says "I prefer to sit down".
Another friend, shocked, says "I though you were a stand-up guy?"
What do you call a man who lives in a bathroom?
Lou.
You wanna know how I remember every poop I take?
I keep a log.
Why do toilet paper rolls have trust issues?
They're always getting ripped off.
How do sponges talk to the devil?
They use a squeegee board.
My sister just bought a set of odorless perfumes.
It doesn’t make any scents.
Where does Batman go to take a dump?
To the batroom of course!
Why did E come out of the bathroom U?
He must've had a vowel movement.
Don't ever think dentists are perfect individuals
They most certainly have floss.
I tried to make a poo but could only squeeze out a p**.
I must be missing some bowels.
What do you call a perfume that missed its deadline?
Eau de too late.
A lot of people can't figure out the right way to dry their towels.
It's just something they tend to get hung up on.
My friend claims he works in a soap factory, adding a key ingredient to the process...
He's a lye-er.
What did the flirty shower head say?
"Every naked person I see turns me on!"
What is the most disgusting perfume ever made?
Eau de colon.
I used my credit card to buy 1-ply toilet paper.
And now I'm paying for it.
Many people believe liquid soap is more hygienic than soap bars.
Don't listen to them, it is only a slippery soap argument.
My wife asked me to help her apply mascara...
It was an eye-opening experience.
What kind of day ends with no toilet paper?
A bidet.
I had to wait in line for 20 minutes just to buy some really cheap toilet paper!
It was a pain in the a**
"Have you seen our toilet roll?" asked my wife.
"Don't be silly," I replied.
"A toilet is a stationary object."
Only a**holes use bidets.
Someone stole my fragrance-free lotion...
It was a scentless act of cruelty.
Why does it cost $1 to use the urinal at the Department of Homeland Security?
If you pee something, pay something.
The world tongue-twister champion just got arrested.
I hear they're gonna give him a really tough sentence.
I hate dentists.
Bad oral hygiene can cause so many bad things in your mouth, yet they tell you to brush it off.
"Hey dad, my electric toothbrush is broken!"
"No son, it's just gone acoustic."
Why did the toilet paper role down the hill?
To get to the bottom...
Whats A tooth fairys favorite movie?
Jaws.
I was thinking about hopping in the shower...
But I realized that I might slip and hurt myself.
My girlfriend left me while I was crying in the bathroom with constipation. She told me that I was so full of it.
It was the hardest dump I ever took.
What do you call a person who starts their own cow poop business?
An entre-manure.
My shampoo bottle was empty. I turned to the only other bottle in the shower and said, "help me body wash...
You're my only soap!"
Why do astronomers put beef in their shampoo?
For meatier showers.
What is the invisible man's favorite shampoo?
Clear.
What did the toilet say to the urinal after it was hired?
“Urine!”
What do you call it when a janitor is fired for refusing to unclog the restroom toilets?
Dereliction of doodie.
I forgot to put on deodorant this morning, so I went to the store on my way to work.
It was a quick pit stop.
Stores are running out of toilet paper again.
They’re wiped out.
I feel bad for toilets.
They go through a lot of s**t
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