I’ve got a urinal that just won’t get serious...
It’s always taking the piss.
Why do toilet paper rolls have trust issues?
They're always getting ripped off.
Why didn't the lemon juice like the soap?
Because he was basic.
What type of toilet paper does the math house have?
Multiply.
Slightly disappointed that the makers of the shampoo, "Head and Shoulders" have not followed up with a bodywash called, "Knees and toes."
All farts...are laughing gas.
My friend explained how powerful (yet invisible) farts work via demonstration.
I was blown away by his transparency.
Whoever came up with the word dentures really missed an opportunity to call it "Substi-tooths"
My friend once used laughing gas as deodorant.
He smelled funny the whole day.
I had to unclog my sink today.
I found it to be very draining.
What do you call two beautiful cat that sit together in the basin?
Purrfectly in sink.
When your poo goes into the sewers, it's not yours anymore.
It becomes pooblic domain.
I just installed a brand new Luxe bidet!
I’ve been having a blast.
What do you call a person who starts their own cow poop business?
An entre-manure.
I found a wooden shoe in my toilet today.
It was clogged.
Did you just hear that perfume bottle talk?
I think it's becoming scentient.
What do you call a food waste disposter installed in the sink?
In-sink-erator
What do you call a cop standing on dog poo?
Officer on doody!
How does a napkin sneeze?
Tissue.
Why do people sing in the shower?
Because the audience in the toilet is sh**!
Why are urinals the worst place to spend time?
Because it’s where all the di**s hang out.
What do you call a deodorant that's never happy?
A deodor-rant.
What is a dung beetle's favorite holiday song?
"All I Want for Christmas is Poo"
My Buddhist friend just gave me a “Nirvana” scented perfume.
It smells like Teen Spirit.
Why don't pirates shower before walking the plank?
Because they washup on shore.
Police are appealing to the man who stole all the soap from the supermarket
To come clean
What is the favourite toothpaste of the security guards of a mining company?
Coalgate.
The perfume was very cheap.
It's price was in cents.
A lot of people can't figure out the right way to dry their towels.
It's just something they tend to get hung up on.
Have you heard Mariah Kleenex's big holiday single?
It's called "I Don't Want a Snot for Christmas"
The instructions on this stick deodorant said "remove cap and push up bottom"...
I can hardly walk!
What is the most disgusting perfume ever made?
Eau de colon.
After trying out floss for the first time, I couldn't believe how nice it felt.
It truly was a breath of fresh air.
I was on the way to the gorcer when I remembered, I need to put toothpaste on the grocery list.
My dad said, "Don't do that! It'll be all messy!"
Why did the sponge wake up early?
To get the moist out of the day.
If a clown farts...
Does it smell funny?
The other day my wife asked me to pass her lipstick, but I accidentally gave her a glue stick....
She still isn't talking to me.
What did the showerhead say to the conditioner?
"Get outta hair!"
What makes it okay for bats to just poop wherever they want?
For a bat, every room is the batroom.
I cant use the urinals when there's a person next to me, I get pee-er pressure
Why doesn't the tooth fairy like dental instruments?
She finds them obtooth.
Cut a piece of poo into three pieces today.
Now I have turds.
My friend bought a different toothpaste this time...
It was a nice change of paste.
Why Don't Gymnasts Use Towels?
Cause they dumbbell dry.
How do you work out how many rolls of toilet paper are in 4 packets of 16?
Multiply.
What do you call a guy that has good manners, bad hygiene, and an affinity for word play?
PunGent.
This lady at the supermarket is staring at me, like she's never seen anyone put on deodorant...
And then put it back on the shelf.
As a plumber, I often have nightmares about the dripping faucet I can't fix and the toilet that will not flush ...
Safe to say I have pipe dreams!
Why did the skunk cross the road?
To get to the odor side.
When is it appropriate to sleep in a bathtub?
When you're feeling drained.
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