Stayed in a posh hotel with towels so thick I could barely shut my suitcase.
What do you call an East-European cosmetic?
Nail Polish.
Saw a sign for bath plugs. I didn’t know that was electric!
I tried to make a poo but could only squeeze out a p**.
I must be missing some bowels.
Where does the Japanese mafia take a bath?
In a yakuzzi.
When you walk into the bathroom...
Urine there.
Having to wipe with a hemorrhoid is a pain in the a**.
My dentist said that my oral hygiene wasn't up to scratch, so she recommended me a new toothpaste.
Now all I need is a toothbrush.
I tried to tell a joke about towels...
But people don’t like my dry humor.
This s***ty toilet broke down again!
As summer approaches, I think it’s a good idea to use two deodorants, one under each armpit.
But that’s just my two scents.
People who pretends to never go taking a dump are full of sh**.
Toilet paper plays an important roll in my life, it would be pretty sh**ty without it.
Why do people say "hit the showers"
What did the showers ever do to you?
Why did the soldier flush the toilet?
Because it was his doody.
What type of poo smells good?
Shampoo.
Said to my husband I'm going to take a hot tub. He said...
"When are you going to put it back?"
Gave my pet leopard a bath every day. Now he’s spotless.
My youngest needed a diaper change, so my wife called down from upstairs, "Can you throw up some wipes?"
"I'm not sure," I replied. "I haven't eaten any."
Poo jokes...
Are funny sh**.
What kind of doctor checks ghost poo?
A ghost-roenterologist.
I usually sing with a deep voice. But when I wash my hands,
I sing faucetto.
what's the best day of the week to poop?
saTURDay.
What did the clean DNA say to the dirty DNA?
Hygiene!
Why are urinals the worst place to spend time?
Because it’s where all the di**s hang out.
A lot of people can't figure out the right way to dry their towels.
It's just something they tend to get hung up on.
I got tear-free soap in my eye.
It hurts like heck but at least I’m not crying.
My wife is furious at me for buying an expensive make-your-own-perfume kit.
But it just made scents to me.
Why did the sponge wake up early?
To get the moist out of the day.
Mascara and lipstick broke up last week.
Now they are trying to make-up!
What did the flirty napking say to the dinner guests?
"Let me sit on your lap"
I don't understand why Bed Bath & Beyond is considered a non-essential business.
Don't they carry essential oils?
Putting on makeup and putting on glasses serve the same purpose...
They make the person look better!
What kind of day ends with no toilet paper?
A bidet.
I found a wooden shoe in my toilet today.
It was clogged.
I always hate having to unblock the toilet.
I’m never quite ready to take the plunge.
This lady at the supermarket is staring at me, like she's never seen anyone put on deodorant...
And then put it back on the shelf.
Thieves broke into my house and stole everything but my soap, shower gel, towels and deodorant...
Dirty Bastards.
Made a shoe out of tea bags for my wife, she said she needed to wipe her nose.
I wonder...
How much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.
Getting tired of all this laundry. I’m going to throw the towel in.
What do you call a turd made by the captain of a vessel?
The Captain's Log
I go through so much shampoo it's just ridiculous!
I don't know, maybe my head is bigger than most but it does say to use a cap full.
I asked my friend for a tube of toothpaste. He gave me the smallest tube I’ve ever seen.
Next time, I’ll ask for teethpaste.
My wife misplaced some of her makeup...
She said, "I can't find my concealer".
And I said, "Wow, sounds like it's some good stuff then!"
What did Archimedes's girlfriend told him when he hadn't taken bath for several days?
Eu-reek-a
When you buy a bigger bathtub....
You have more bath room, but less bathroom.
Why didn't the lemon juice like the soap?
Because he was basic.
I used to hate my husband's cologne...
But then it started to rub off on me.
I'm burning a gold-scented candle.
It has a very rich aroma.
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