I was walking down the road and slipped on some dog poo. Someone came up behind me and slipped as well. Trying to sympathize, I said "I just did that!"
They slapped me and said "use the toilet next time"
What type of toilet paper does the math house have?
Multiply.
The girlfriend said she had to go file her nail because it was bothering her.
I asked, "Would that go under N for nail? Or M for Manicure?"
What do you call it when a janitor is fired for refusing to unclog the restroom toilets?
Dereliction of doodie.
I recently opened a building with an exhibition of dermatological skin cases.
It’s a real gallery of the fine warts.
Gave my pet leopard a bath every day. Now he’s spotless.
"Is it the tar that smells like farts?"
"No, it was your asphalt"
What do you call a dog’s back teeth?
Canine canines.
What do you call a person who starts their own cow poop business?
An entre-manure.
If you don't use a bidet...
You're doing a half-a*sed job.
Heard a joke about urinals, but it didn't make me laugh.
I guess you had to pee there.
What do you call a distant shower sponge?
Aloofah.
What do you call a tariff on skin?
A tax-a-dermis!
What is it called when you're singing in the shower and shampoo gets in your mouth?
A soap opera.
My wife misplaced some of her makeup...
She said, "I can't find my concealer".
And I said, "Wow, sounds like it's some good stuff then!"
I like telling fart jokes.
They are tough to hold in.
Toilet paper plays an important roll in my life, it would be pretty sh**ty without it.
How do people take a dump when, well, nobody gives a s**t?
What do you call a perfume that missed its deadline?
Eau de too late.
What must a witty perfume have?
Scents of humor.
Which one of Sneezy’s kids hid his tissue paper?
Runny Knows!
What did one soap molecule say to the other soap molecule in prison?
"Get out. This is micelle"
My farts don’t smell, they don’t have noses.
My dentist asked me if I had any questions before he started.
I thought for a minute, then asked, "If oral hygiene is so important, why do you have plaque on your wall?"
What do you call a basin full of denim?
A gene pool!
what's the best day of the week to poop?
saTURDay.
"Hey, dad, there's a leak in the sink. Should I call the plumber?"
"No silly, just put it in the fridge!"
When is it appropriate to sleep in a bathtub?
When you're feeling drained.
What’s the leading cause of dry skin?
Towels.
Once we were so poor, we only had a calendar to use as toilet paper.
Now those days are behind me.
My toilet just turned one today.
It was her bidet.
My mother always told me that the best place to mend clothing is in a wash basin
but I don't sink sew.
Cold showers are the best...
...Once you warm up to them
Said to my husband I'm going to take a hot tub. He said...
"When are you going to put it back?"
Why did the toilet paper role down the hill?
To get to the bottom...
My dentist says I don't brush enough but hey-
We all have our floss.
What do you call a bear with no teeth?
Gummy Bear.
Why did the cows have towels? To keep each udder dry.
Ran out of toilet paper today. We’re now using lettuce leaves.
Today was just the tip of the iceberg. Tomorrow romaines to be seen.
How does a monster flush the toilet?
It doesn't, it scares the living sh** out of it.
I was walking along when I saw a pile of dog sh** on the side of the street, a little further on I saw an identical one.
That was a crazy deja poo.
Slightly disappointed that the makers of the shampoo, "Head and Shoulders" have not followed up with a bodywash called, "Knees and toes."
Have you heard what happened to unemployed perfume makers?
They are not making any scents.
Turns out our washing machine DOES have a “baby poop” setting.
It’s called “Heavy Doody”
What's it called when a perfume climbs up the stairs?
Ascent.
My shampoo bottle was empty. I turned to the only other bottle in the shower and said, "help me body wash...
You're my only soap!"
What do you call a toilet perched on top of an active volcano?
The lavatory.
Police are appealing to the man who stole all the soap from the supermarket
To come clean
A zoo employee was injured when a monkey threw flaming poo at him.
He suffered from turd debris burns.
I wanted to do the dishes and wasn’t sure where I put the dish soap.
Then it Dawned on me.
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