Why do perfumes always hang out in pairs?
Because they don't want to get cologne-ly!
The plumber was working on the side to become an artist.
Unfortunately, he couldn't find a faucet for his creativity.
I got 5 packs of deodorant for a nickel.
Deodorant is a scent.
There was a group of ants that always went on parties together, but one smelled way worse than the others.
He was de odor ant.
Was talking to a record producer at the urinals the other day...
Next thing you know I had a number one on my hands.
Why can't you hear a psychiatrist when they go to the bathroom?
Because the P is silent.
What did the poop shoveler say when he quit his job?
"I'm dung with this sh*t!"
You can tell the gender of an ant by putting it on top of water. If it sinks, it's a girl ant. If it doesn't, buoyant.
Do perfumes expire?
In essence, they do.
Where do killer whales go to get their braces?
The orca-dontist.
I had to wait in line for 20 minutes just to buy some really cheap toilet paper!
It was a pain in the a**
How do you make a tissue paper dance?
You put a little boogie in it!
What did pharaohs use to wipe?
Poo-pyrus.
The other day my wife asked me to pass her lipstick, but I accidentally gave her a glue stick....
She still isn't talking to me.
Only a**holes use bidets.
I made a bridge out of Kleenex.
I have truss tissues.
What do you call a guy that has good manners, bad hygiene, and an affinity for word play?
PunGent.
Dung beetle walks into a bar....
"Is this stool taken?"
My shampoo bottle was empty. I turned to the only other bottle in the shower and said, "help me body wash...
You're my only soap!"
I've stopped paying $6 for sham poo
After all, I make my own DIY genuine poo every morning.
A lot of people can't figure out the right way to dry their towels.
It's just something they tend to get hung up on.
What bug has 100 legs and lives by the outhouse?
Scenta-Peed.
I can't find my scrubber in the shower
It's aloof-ah
Gave my pet leopard a bath every day. Now he’s spotless.
Have you heard about the new his & hers toothpaste?
The flavor is "mint to be".
My dentist asked me if I had any questions before he started.
I thought for a minute, then asked, "If oral hygiene is so important, why do you have plaque on your wall?"
Dad asked if he could borrow my deodorant.
I said "sure, no sweat."
What did the toothpaste wear to the club?
A tube top!
People who pretends to never go taking a dump are full of sh**.
Woke up this morning to a tap on my door.
That plumber has some sense of humour.
Why didn’t the teacher want to fart in front of anyone?
He was a private tootor.
The magazine my daughter gets each month always smells like perfume. I wondered aloud if they scent it.
Then I realized, of course they sent it. Otherwise it would have never come.
What do you call spooky mascara
Mascarea.
Here’s my best advice for getting a job in the lotion industry:
Apply daily.
It wasn’t my idea to get bidet...
But now I kinda like the little squirt.
I tried to visit the house where the guy who invented toothpaste was born.
Sadly, there was no plaque on it.
Why did the model bring her lipstick and eye shadow to school?
Because she had a make-up exam!
Someone stole my fragrance-free lotion...
It was a scentless act of cruelty.
Why can’t a tile walk very well?
He has square feet.
What did the clean DNA say to the dirty DNA?
Hygiene!
I always take a dump at 11:59 PM. That way, when the clock strikes midnight it’s the same sh**, different day.
Cosmetic surgery used to be such a taboo subject.
Now you can talk about Botox and nobody raises an eyebrow.
I got this new chapstick today...
It's the balm!
Did you see that meteor shower?
No, I respect others’ privacy.
What do you call a little tune about atmospheric moisture?
A humi-ditty.
What is the most disgusting perfume ever made?
Eau de colon.
Why did it take dad an hour to choose which skin cream to buy?
He didn't want to make a rash decision.
France gave perfumes to countries it dominated in the past...
That was classic Colognialism.
Whats A tooth fairys favorite movie?
Jaws.
What would you call a familiar scent?
Nose-talgic.
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