An actor arrived for his rehearsal at the theatre.
As he looked around, an incredible feeling of deja vu swept over him.
Suddenly he realised the set seemed like a weird adaption of his apartment, the actress looked like an odd version of his wife, and the director sounded like an eerie rendition of his dad.
"Uncanny!" He thought. "I've arrived at a strange stage of my life".
The nurse always carried a red pen in her pocket in case she needed to draw blood.
A con artist is an artist who draws pictures of criminal suspects.
Q: Did you hear about the blonde couple that were found frozen to death in their car at the drive-in movie theatre?
A: They apparently went to see "Closed For The Winter"
Q: How does an artist fill in a CV?
A: He draws on experience.
My theater group is writing a sci-fi thriller about classical musicians.
I'll be Bach.
I'd hate to be the bearer of bad blues.
I was really surprised when I learned that singer Pink's favorite color was actually green. No one could have i-magenta-it.
Why did the artist have to go to the bathroom right away? Because when you gotta Van Gogh, you gotta Van Gogh.
One should never mix oranges in apple juice. Well, perhaps you may do it once in a blue moon.
When I went into my art lesson covered in yeast and flower, my teacher said I was the perfect roll-model.
After completing the deadline just in the nick of time, the artist breathed a cyan of relief.
Why do thespians have great hair? They want the perfect part.
What's red and smells like blue paint? Red paint.
You know why theater people say "break a leg" instead of good luck?
Because if you do, you'll end up in a cast!
The only thing that is black and white and has to be red all over is a newspaper.
My grandfather warned people that the Titanic would sink
*No one listened, but he kept on warning them nonetheless until they got sick of him and kicked him out of the movie theatre*
Opening a new shadow puppet theatre. Business plan says we'll make a fortune, but those are just projected figures.
The most notorious one of all pirates was very sad. It may have been because he was Bluebeard!
Why did the girl decide to become an art dealer? Because she wanted more Monet.
What do you call a chameleon that can't change colors?
A reptile dysfunction.
Tried acting in a theatre full of farmers. Got mooed off stage.
Did you hear about the artist that has been drawing very small, colorful noodles?
He drew an itsy, bitsy, teeny-weeny, yellow, polka dot linguini.
The leech, who is good at drawing blood, applied for a job in an art gallery.
Why do old artists never die? They just put things in perspective.
What did one paint say to another when they got in an argument? Don't use that tone with me.
A bear's least favorite pastry at any party is the blue bear-y pie.
Why did the portrait artist take a side job as a census taker? Because he was great at canvassing people.
Why the skeleton doesn't go to the theater?
Because he has nobody to go with.
Why can you never trust an artist? Because they are a bit sketchy, a little shady and will always try to frame you.
Q. Which famous magician always wore a multi-color suit on stage?
A. Hue-dini.
Theater sound guys aren't always good speakers
The color of the sky can help in predicting the weather. It gives a fair report of the hue-midity.
Car Salesman: And if you don't like this color, we have another one in "Boulder Gray"
Me: Gray isn't very bold to begin with, how did you make it bolder?
The stage is the most hygienic place in the world. Every time we turn on the lights they get a wash.
What did the thief steal on the theatre's opening night? The spotlight.
If you live in a purple-colored house and suddenly all the power goes off, then you should probably check the fuchsia box.
The coffee shop owner was afraid. He wanted to know if the shop had ground to operate in the black.
Why did the artist get into a heated argument with the gallery curator? He just wasn't in the right frame of mind.
What did the angry artist say? Don't get me arted!
My friend was going to a painting competition, so I wished him, "Grey the force be with you".
I went to a new kind of show yesterday, which was hosted by a color-changing lizard. He was a good stand-up chameleon.
Why do old artists never die? They just withdraw.
What is the definition of art theft? A: The haul of frames.
What do you call the guy who draws pictures of criminal suspects? A con artist.
The pirate steals arrrrt when he has the chance.
The snow leopard appeared just at the time our guide predicted it. It appeared white on time!
Roses are red, violets are blue, I ain't no poet, but neither are you.
The computer had to visit the dentist at the very earliest opportunity as it had a BlueTooth!
Who are the biggest fans at the theatre? The backstage crew - They're always giving props to the actors.
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