Romeo & Juliet.doc...
...is a play on Word.
Why didn't the Romans have algebra?
Because X always equaled 10!
The Romans must have thought the year three thousand was going to be tasty.
MMM
Why did Rome Fall?
Because it slipped on some Greece.
Who used to run pen & paper RPGs in 1st century BC Rome?
The Carpe DM
What leads people to Rome?
The scents.
They want some aROMAtherapy.
Did you know the first weather report was delivered to Julius Caesar?
Hail Caesar
You're my romeboy.
Why did it take the Roman General 10 tries to find the buried treasure?
Because X marks the spot
Everyone remembers the iconic line from the lesser known Tragedy of Julius Sneezer:
"Achoo, Brute?"
What was the most popular kids' movie in Ancient Greece?
Troy Story.
What happens when a Roman insults a Parisian's coffee?
A French Roast.
How did the Roman senators picked who will be first to stab the emperor?
They played rock paper Caesar
What was Julius Caesar's answer when the flooring installer asked what he wanted to do with the old floor boards?
Carpet dem.
What roman never gets any dates?
Hidius
If Romeo and Juliet were tuna...
they would be Starkist lovers.
How was the Roman Empire cut in half?
With a pair of Caesars.
What's the difference between a Roman and an Irish Catholic?
The strength of the communion wine.
Did you hear about the new Netflix series? The one about a couple of poor female artists living in 1600s Rome?
I think it's called Two Baroque Girls
What was the most common sandwich in Ancient Rome?
A Plebeian J
Why was the roman soldier kicked out of the army? Because he was roamin around during war.
Where did the Romans go to rent their vehicles?
Herculease.
Julius Caesar
But Julius is too shy to talk to her
Where did Julius Caesar's fans sit at the Colosseum?
The Caesarean section.
What is Julius Caesar's favorite food?
Roman noodles
This soldier, Titius, liked to kick a soccer ball around at night and was suspected of breaking some important statues. When his friends asked why he hadn't showed up for his platoon's morning workout, Terentius Vespa quipped,
"Oh, it's okay - he said he broke an arm."
People argue that the Romans were wrong to crucify Jesus
Personally, I think they nailed it.
Why was Julius Caesar the first dictator of Rome?
He was the only one with the Gaul to try it.
What time is it Julius? 8:02 Brutus.
Okay, so, I *had* an offensive joke I wanted to tell about Ancient Rome
But I don't have the Gaul anymore...
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
What did Caesar say to Cleopatra?
"Toga-ther, we can rule the world!"
Why didn't Cleopatra confess that she loved Julius Caesar?
Because she lived in the Nile
Which roman emperor was a mouse? Julius cheeser!
You know why I hate Julius Caesar jokes?
They always kill me.
How good/bad was the Internet at the time of the Roman Emperors?
Let me put it that way: the lag was so bad it took Jesus three days just to respawn and he got disconnected soon afterwards.
Why can't a pirate count Roman numerals?
They got lost at C
Why did Julius Caesar buy crayons?
He wanted to Mark Antony.
What is Romeo and Juliet's least favorite fruit?
Can't- elope!
I think if Rome hadn't been built on a hill...
..it wouldn't have had such a fast decline.
Why are 40 romans funny?
Because they are XD.
Me: Can I get XL shirts here?
Ancient Rome Shopkeeper: Are you sure you want that many shirts?
How did kids in Ancient Rome get their hair cut?
With little Caesar's.
Just landed in Rome, Italy. My pilot used to be a Franciscan Monk...
...But now he's an Air Friar.
A sperm donor, a carpenter, and julius ceaser walk into a bar
He came, he saw, he conquered
Julius Caesar: "Brutus, that's a very nice dagger, is it new?"
Brutus: "Thanks, and yes, they had a sale at Traitor Joe's."
Have you heard about the roman numeral hospital?
All they have is IVs!
4 Norse gods, 1 roman God, and 2 astrological bodies walk into a bar
The bartender says: Oh, this is gonna be a week joke
What does it take to be good at making Greek pottery?
You have to urn it.
The Romans used devastating wordplay against the Carthaginians, during the Punic Wars.
A Roman walks into a cafe and makes an "X" with his fingers.
He says, "Ten teas, please!"
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