Did Roman architecture emphasize forum over function?
What do you call a musician who just saw Medusa?
A rockstar!
Why was Julius Caesar the first dictator of Rome?
He was the only one with the Gaul to try it.
What is Romeo and Juliet's least favorite fruit?
Can't- elope!
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
Ancient Romans considered vomitoriums a good place to un-wine.
Why did Julius Caesar never say thank you to anyone?
He didn't speak English.
Getting a Roman soldier to stand next to an Irishman ...
... requires a lot of Gaul.
What did Caesar say to Cleopatra?
"Toga-ther, we can rule the world!"
What time is it Julius? 8:02 Brutus.
This soldier, Titius, liked to kick a soccer ball around at night and was suspected of breaking some important statues. When his friends asked why he hadn't showed up for his platoon's morning workout, Terentius Vespa quipped,
"Oh, it's okay - he said he broke an arm."
What was the Romans' greatest achievement?
Learning to speak Latin!
4 Norse gods, 1 roman God, and 2 astrological bodies walk into a bar
The bartender says: Oh, this is gonna be a week joke
What did the anciient Roman soldier tell his girlfriend?
You are a solid X
If Romeo and Juliet were tuna...
they would be Starkist lovers.
What's the difference between a Roman and an Irish Catholic?
The strength of the communion wine.
Why did Julius Caesar go to the dermatologist?
Because he had so many lesions.
Why did Julius Caesar buy crayons?
He wanted to Mark Antony.
How good/bad was the Internet at the time of the Roman Emperors?
Let me put it that way: the lag was so bad it took Jesus three days just to respawn and he got disconnected soon afterwards.
Which famous Roman suffered from hayfever?
Julius Sneezer.
People argue that the Romans were wrong to crucify Jesus
Personally, I think they nailed it.
A sperm donor, a carpenter, and julius ceaser walk into a bar
He came, he saw, he conquered
What did the gangster say to Julius Cesar?
It's impossible to ruin the view of the Colisseum.
What roman never gets any dates?
Hidius
Just landed in Rome, Italy. My pilot used to be a Franciscan Monk...
...But now he's an Air Friar.
Helvetica and Times New Roman walk into a bar. "GET OUT OF HERE!!!" The Bartender shouts we don't serve your type!
Why are 40 romans funny?
Because they are XD.
A Roman walks into a cafe and makes an "X" with his fingers.
He says, "Ten teas, please!"
A history student was so enamored with Ancient Rome that he decided to become a Roman himself. His friends weren't very supportive. They kept telling him to get with the times,
New Roman.
What happened when Caesar's government officials could not reach consensus?
Irritable Brawls in Rome
My wife and I agreed for some Roman foreplay
I agreed to be Caesar and my wife was the beautiful Cleopatra
I got stabbed 23 times
What was the most popular kids' movie in Ancient Greece?
Troy Story.
Julius Caesar: "Brutus, that's a very nice dagger, is it new?"
Brutus: "Thanks, and yes, they had a sale at Traitor Joe's."
A Roman Lifeguard on duty:
See Caesar, Beware the tides of March!
Why don't they sell GPSs in Italy?
Because all the roads lead to Rome.
Why didn't the Romans have algebra?
Because X always equaled 10!
Ancient Rome
Two friends are talking:
- you know how many girls I had?
- mmm?
- No, not that many...
Did you know they didn't have smart phones in ancient Rome?
They had tablets.
How did the Roman senators picked who will be first to stab the emperor?
They played rock paper Caesar
Why did Rome Fall?
Because it slipped on some Greece.
Where did the Romans go to rent their vehicles?
Herculease.
I went to an XXX Girls Show in Rome
There were just 30 girls...
Who used to run pen & paper RPGs in 1st century BC Rome?
The Carpe DM
What was the most common sandwich in Ancient Rome?
A Plebeian J
Okay, so, I *had* an offensive joke I wanted to tell about Ancient Rome
But I don't have the Gaul anymore...
Romeo & Juliet.doc...
...is a play on Word.
I heard people are trying to ban roman numerals.
Not on my watch.
Everyone remembers the iconic line from the lesser known Tragedy of Julius Sneezer:
"Achoo, Brute?"
What was Julius Caesar's answer when the flooring installer asked what he wanted to do with the old floor boards?
Carpet dem.
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