What does it take to be good at making Greek pottery?
You have to urn it.
Which roman emperor was a mouse? Julius cheeser!
Why did Julius Caesar never say thank you to anyone?
He didn't speak English.
Why was Julius Caesar the first dictator of Rome?
He was the only one with the Gaul to try it.
My poor knowledge of Greek mythology has always been my Achilles elbow.
Why didn't Cleopatra confess that she loved Julius Caesar?
Because she lived in the Nile
Ancient Rome
Two friends are talking:
- you know how many girls I had?
- mmm?
- No, not that many...
Which famous Roman suffered from hayfever?
Julius Sneezer.
If Romeo and Juliet were tuna...
they would be Starkist lovers.
Julius Caesar
Was a well dressed romaine.
What happened when Caesar's government officials could not reach consensus?
Irritable Brawls in Rome
What was the Romans' greatest achievement?
Learning to speak Latin!
Caesar accused Brutus of cannibalism. "Ate dudes, Brutus?"
Okay, so, I *had* an offensive joke I wanted to tell about Ancient Rome
But I don't have the Gaul anymore...
What was the most popular kids' movie in Ancient Greece?
Troy Story.
A history student was so enamored with Ancient Rome that he decided to become a Roman himself. His friends weren't very supportive. They kept telling him to get with the times,
New Roman.
Where did the Romans go to rent their vehicles?
Herculease.
How did kids in Ancient Rome get their hair cut?
With little Caesar's.
Everyone remembers the iconic line from the lesser known Tragedy of Julius Sneezer:
"Achoo, Brute?"
What do you call a musician who just saw Medusa?
A rockstar!
What leads people to Rome?
The scents.
They want some aROMAtherapy.
Getting a Roman soldier to stand next to an Irishman ...
... requires a lot of Gaul.
What was the most common sandwich in Ancient Rome?
A Plebeian J
You know why I hate Julius Caesar jokes?
They always kill me.
How did Julius Caesar like his water?
Rome temperature.
Who used to run pen & paper RPGs in 1st century BC Rome?
The Carpe DM
It's impossible to ruin the view of the Colisseum.
Why was Romeo melancholic?
Because Juliette Cantaloupe.
Ancient Romans considered vomitoriums a good place to un-wine.
What's the difference between a Roman and an Irish Catholic?
The strength of the communion wine.
What was Julius Caesar's answer when the flooring installer asked what he wanted to do with the old floor boards?
Carpet dem.
The Romans used devastating wordplay against the Carthaginians, during the Punic Wars.
Julius Caesar
But Julius is too shy to talk to her
How was the Roman Empire cut in half?
With a pair of Caesars.
Why was the roman soldier kicked out of the army? Because he was roamin around during war.
What did the anciient Roman soldier tell his girlfriend?
You are a solid X
People argue that the Romans were wrong to crucify Jesus
Personally, I think they nailed it.
Doofus was the stupidest of Roman generals.
What time is it Julius? 8:02 Brutus.
Where would you find Hadrian's Wall?
At the bottom of his garden!
In Ancient Rome, there were 4 types of poison. Poisons I, II, and III would all kill you with varying degrees of pain.
However, Poison IV would just make you really itchy.
Did Roman architecture emphasize forum over function?
My Ph.D thesis was on cattle raised in the Roman city of Pompeii. To understand it all I had to visit the ancient mooins.
Why are 40 romans funny?
Because they are XD.
A sperm donor, a carpenter, and julius ceaser walk into a bar
He came, he saw, he conquered
Why didn't the Romans have algebra?
Because X always equaled 10!
This soldier, Titius, liked to kick a soccer ball around at night and was suspected of breaking some important statues. When his friends asked why he hadn't showed up for his platoon's morning workout, Terentius Vespa quipped,
"Oh, it's okay - he said he broke an arm."
Why did Rome Fall?
Because it slipped on some Greece.
You know, I really liked the rule of Nero.
Rome was pretty lit at the time.
What is Julius Caesar's favorite food?
Roman noodles
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