How did Julius Caesar like his water?
Rome temperature.
Why are 40 romans funny?
Because they are XD.
Romeo & Juliet.doc...
...is a play on Word.
I can't remember how to write 1, 1000, 51, 6 or 500 in Roman numerals.
I M L I VI D
Helvetica and Times New Roman walk into a bar. "GET OUT OF HERE!!!" The Bartender shouts we don't serve your type!
What did the gangster say to Julius Cesar?
Julius Caesar: "Brutus, that's a very nice dagger, is it new?"
Brutus: "Thanks, and yes, they had a sale at Traitor Joe's."
Where did the Romans go to rent their vehicles?
Herculease.
Did you hear about the new Netflix series? The one about a couple of poor female artists living in 1600s Rome?
I think it's called Two Baroque Girls
Why was Julius Caesar the first dictator of Rome?
He was the only one with the Gaul to try it.
What does it take to be good at making Greek pottery?
You have to urn it.
A sperm donor, a carpenter, and julius ceaser walk into a bar
He came, he saw, he conquered
What happened when Caesar's government officials could not reach consensus?
Irritable Brawls in Rome
What leads people to Rome?
The scents.
They want some aROMAtherapy.
I think if Rome hadn't been built on a hill...
..it wouldn't have had such a fast decline.
4 Norse gods, 1 roman God, and 2 astrological bodies walk into a bar
The bartender says: Oh, this is gonna be a week joke
Pirate ship Captain: Listen up, I need some help in writing 2 in Roman numerals.
Crew: I I captain.
Where did Julius Caesar's fans sit at the Colosseum?
The Caesarean section.
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
Have you heard about the roman numeral hospital?
All they have is IVs!
Why was the roman soldier kicked out of the army? Because he was roamin around during war.
Why didn't the Romans have algebra?
Because X always equaled 10!
Why did Julius Caesar buy crayons?
He wanted to Mark Antony.
If Romeo and Juliet were tuna...
they would be Starkist lovers.
Julius Caesar
Was a well dressed romaine.
Why didn't Cleopatra confess that she loved Julius Caesar?
Because she lived in the Nile
Did Roman architecture emphasize forum over function?
2000 years ago, pop diva Lady Cleopatra had a smash hit: "Bad Romans."
A history student was so enamored with Ancient Rome that he decided to become a Roman himself. His friends weren't very supportive. They kept telling him to get with the times,
New Roman.
Why didn't ancient Romans reuse crosses after crucifixions?
To avoid cross contamination
I went to an XXX Girls Show in Rome
There were just 30 girls...
Caesar accused Brutus of cannibalism. "Ate dudes, Brutus?"
My Ph.D thesis was on cattle raised in the Roman city of Pompeii. To understand it all I had to visit the ancient mooins.
What happens when a Roman insults a Parisian's coffee?
A French Roast.
People argue that the Romans were wrong to crucify Jesus
Personally, I think they nailed it.
How did the Roman senators picked who will be first to stab the emperor?
They played rock paper Caesar
The Romans must have thought the year three thousand was going to be tasty.
MMM
I recently learned that the Romans were renowned for their architecture.
Doesn't make much sense to me, considering it fell.
What do you call a musician who just saw Medusa?
A rockstar!
What do you call a depressed tick from ancient Rome?
A hopeless Roman Tick
Did you know they didn't have smart phones in ancient Rome?
They had tablets.
You know why I hate Julius Caesar jokes?
They always kill me.
How did kids in Ancient Rome get their hair cut?
With little Caesar's.
My wife and I agreed for some Roman foreplay
I agreed to be Caesar and my wife was the beautiful Cleopatra
I got stabbed 23 times
Why was Romeo melancholic?
Because Juliette Cantaloupe.
Julius Caesar
But Julius is too shy to talk to her
Who used to run pen & paper RPGs in 1st century BC Rome?
The Carpe DM
Which roman emperor was a mouse? Julius cheeser!
Why don't they sell GPSs in Italy?
Because all the roads lead to Rome.
In Ancient Rome, there were 4 types of poison. Poisons I, II, and III would all kill you with varying degrees of pain.
However, Poison IV would just make you really itchy.
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