I think if Rome hadn't been built on a hill...
..it wouldn't have had such a fast decline.
My Ph.D thesis was on cattle raised in the Roman city of Pompeii. To understand it all I had to visit the ancient mooins.
Ancient Rome
Two friends are talking:
- you know how many girls I had?
- mmm?
- No, not that many...
What was the Romans' greatest achievement?
Learning to speak Latin!
Why did Julius Caesar buy crayons?
He wanted to Mark Antony.
What did the gangster say to Julius Cesar?
I went to an XXX Girls Show in Rome
There were just 30 girls...
This soldier, Titius, liked to kick a soccer ball around at night and was suspected of breaking some important statues. When his friends asked why he hadn't showed up for his platoon's morning workout, Terentius Vespa quipped,
"Oh, it's okay - he said he broke an arm."
You know, I really liked the rule of Nero.
Rome was pretty lit at the time.
Where would you find Hadrian's Wall?
At the bottom of his garden!
What leads people to Rome?
The scents.
They want some aROMAtherapy.
What did the ancient roman dad name his fat newborn?
Voluminous.
What was the most popular kids' movie in Ancient Greece?
Troy Story.
Why are 40 romans funny?
Because they are XD.
My poor knowledge of Greek mythology has always been my Achilles elbow.
What roman never gets any dates?
Hidius
Why did Julius Caesar never say thank you to anyone?
He didn't speak English.
What's the difference between a Roman and an Irish Catholic?
The strength of the communion wine.
Me: Can I get XL shirts here?
Ancient Rome Shopkeeper: Are you sure you want that many shirts?
Why was the roman soldier kicked out of the army? Because he was roamin around during war.
How was the Roman Empire cut in half?
With a pair of Caesars.
A Roman walks into a cafe and makes an "X" with his fingers.
He says, "Ten teas, please!"
I can't remember how to write 1, 1000, 51, 6 or 500 in Roman numerals.
I M L I VI D
Getting a Roman soldier to stand next to an Irishman ...
... requires a lot of Gaul.
Did Roman architecture emphasize forum over function?
Julius Caesar: "Brutus, that's a very nice dagger, is it new?"
Brutus: "Thanks, and yes, they had a sale at Traitor Joe's."
How did Julius Caesar like his water?
Rome temperature.
What did Caesar say to Cleopatra?
"Toga-ther, we can rule the world!"
How good/bad was the Internet at the time of the Roman Emperors?
Let me put it that way: the lag was so bad it took Jesus three days just to respawn and he got disconnected soon afterwards.
Why did it take the Roman General 10 tries to find the buried treasure?
Because X marks the spot
What is Julius Caesar's favorite food?
Roman noodles
Helvetica and Times New Roman walk into a bar. "GET OUT OF HERE!!!" The Bartender shouts we don't serve your type!
Why did Rome Fall?
Because it slipped on some Greece.
Why didn't Cleopatra confess that she loved Julius Caesar?
Because she lived in the Nile
Just landed in Rome, Italy. My pilot used to be a Franciscan Monk...
...But now he's an Air Friar.
The Romans used devastating wordplay against the Carthaginians, during the Punic Wars.
Julius Caesar
But Julius is too shy to talk to her
My wife and I agreed for some Roman foreplay
I agreed to be Caesar and my wife was the beautiful Cleopatra
I got stabbed 23 times
Where did Julius Caesar's fans sit at the Colosseum?
The Caesarean section.
What is Romeo and Juliet's least favorite fruit?
Can't- elope!
People argue that the Romans were wrong to crucify Jesus
Personally, I think they nailed it.
What do you call a depressed tick from ancient Rome?
A hopeless Roman Tick
Did you hear about the new Netflix series? The one about a couple of poor female artists living in 1600s Rome?
I think it's called Two Baroque Girls
Did you know the first weather report was delivered to Julius Caesar?
Hail Caesar
You're my romeboy.
A sperm donor, a carpenter, and julius ceaser walk into a bar
He came, he saw, he conquered
In Ancient Rome, there were 4 types of poison. Poisons I, II, and III would all kill you with varying degrees of pain.
However, Poison IV would just make you really itchy.
Why don't they sell GPSs in Italy?
Because all the roads lead to Rome.
A history student was so enamored with Ancient Rome that he decided to become a Roman himself. His friends weren't very supportive. They kept telling him to get with the times,
New Roman.
Why didn't ancient Romans reuse crosses after crucifixions?
To avoid cross contamination
Why can't a pirate count Roman numerals?
They got lost at C
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