Why was Julius Caesar the first dictator of Rome?
He was the only one with the Gaul to try it.
What happens when a Roman insults a Parisian's coffee?
A French Roast.
Which famous Roman suffered from hayfever?
Julius Sneezer.
4 Norse gods, 1 roman God, and 2 astrological bodies walk into a bar
The bartender says: Oh, this is gonna be a week joke
My wife and I agreed for some Roman foreplay
I agreed to be Caesar and my wife was the beautiful Cleopatra
I got stabbed 23 times
My poor knowledge of Greek mythology has always been my Achilles elbow.
Why didn't the Romans have algebra?
Because X always equaled 10!
What is Julius Caesar's favorite food?
Roman noodles
Why can't a pirate count Roman numerals?
They got lost at C
Why was the roman soldier kicked out of the army? Because he was roamin around during war.
What time is it Julius? 8:02 Brutus.
Me: Can I get XL shirts here?
Ancient Rome Shopkeeper: Are you sure you want that many shirts?
Did you know they didn't have smart phones in ancient Rome?
They had tablets.
Everyone remembers the iconic line from the lesser known Tragedy of Julius Sneezer:
"Achoo, Brute?"
Ancient Rome
Two friends are talking:
- you know how many girls I had?
- mmm?
- No, not that many...
What do you call a musician who just saw Medusa?
A rockstar!
Why did it take the Roman General 10 tries to find the buried treasure?
Because X marks the spot
Julius Caesar
But Julius is too shy to talk to her
How was the Roman Empire cut in half?
With a pair of Caesars.
Romeo & Juliet.doc...
...is a play on Word.
What did the anciient Roman soldier tell his girlfriend?
You are a solid X
A history student was so enamored with Ancient Rome that he decided to become a Roman himself. His friends weren't very supportive. They kept telling him to get with the times,
New Roman.
How did kids in Ancient Rome get their hair cut?
With little Caesar's.
How did the Roman senators picked who will be first to stab the emperor?
They played rock paper Caesar
I think if Rome hadn't been built on a hill...
..it wouldn't have had such a fast decline.
Okay, so, I *had* an offensive joke I wanted to tell about Ancient Rome
But I don't have the Gaul anymore...
A sperm donor, a carpenter, and julius ceaser walk into a bar
He came, he saw, he conquered
Why did Julius Caesar never say thank you to anyone?
He didn't speak English.
What happened when Caesar's government officials could not reach consensus?
Irritable Brawls in Rome
Why are 40 romans funny?
Because they are XD.
This soldier, Titius, liked to kick a soccer ball around at night and was suspected of breaking some important statues. When his friends asked why he hadn't showed up for his platoon's morning workout, Terentius Vespa quipped,
"Oh, it's okay - he said he broke an arm."
Where did Julius Caesar's fans sit at the Colosseum?
The Caesarean section.
Why did Rome Fall?
Because it slipped on some Greece.
Caesar accused Brutus of cannibalism. "Ate dudes, Brutus?"
Who used to run pen & paper RPGs in 1st century BC Rome?
The Carpe DM
What was Julius Caesar's answer when the flooring installer asked what he wanted to do with the old floor boards?
Carpet dem.
Why did Julius Caesar buy crayons?
He wanted to Mark Antony.
Julius Caesar
Was a well dressed romaine.
In Ancient Rome, there were 4 types of poison. Poisons I, II, and III would all kill you with varying degrees of pain.
However, Poison IV would just make you really itchy.
Did you know the first weather report was delivered to Julius Caesar?
Hail Caesar
You're my romeboy.
What was the most common sandwich in Ancient Rome?
A Plebeian J
What is Romeo and Juliet's least favorite fruit?
Can't- elope!
My Ph.D thesis was on cattle raised in the Roman city of Pompeii. To understand it all I had to visit the ancient mooins.
If Romeo and Juliet were tuna...
they would be Starkist lovers.
What did the ancient roman dad name his fat newborn?
Voluminous.
Why don't they sell GPSs in Italy?
Because all the roads lead to Rome.
Why didn't ancient Romans reuse crosses after crucifixions?
To avoid cross contamination
A Roman Lifeguard on duty:
See Caesar, Beware the tides of March!
Doofus was the stupidest of Roman generals.
It's impossible to ruin the view of the Colisseum.
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