Did you know the first weather report was delivered to Julius Caesar?
Hail Caesar
You're my romeboy.
Which famous Roman suffered from hayfever?
Julius Sneezer.
The Romans must have thought the year three thousand was going to be tasty.
MMM
Why can't a pirate count Roman numerals?
They got lost at C
Everyone remembers the iconic line from the lesser known Tragedy of Julius Sneezer:
"Achoo, Brute?"
What's the difference between a Roman and an Irish Catholic?
The strength of the communion wine.
Julius Caesar
But Julius is too shy to talk to her
This soldier, Titius, liked to kick a soccer ball around at night and was suspected of breaking some important statues. When his friends asked why he hadn't showed up for his platoon's morning workout, Terentius Vespa quipped,
"Oh, it's okay - he said he broke an arm."
What time is it Julius? 8:02 Brutus.
My poor knowledge of Greek mythology has always been my Achilles elbow.
How was the Roman Empire cut in half?
With a pair of Caesars.
What happens when a Roman insults a Parisian's coffee?
A French Roast.
I can't remember how to write 1, 1000, 51, 6 or 500 in Roman numerals.
I M L I VI D
What is Romeo and Juliet's least favorite fruit?
Can't- elope!
In Ancient Rome, there were 4 types of poison. Poisons I, II, and III would all kill you with varying degrees of pain.
However, Poison IV would just make you really itchy.
The Romans used devastating wordplay against the Carthaginians, during the Punic Wars.
Did you know they didn't have smart phones in ancient Rome?
They had tablets.
How did the Roman senators picked who will be first to stab the emperor?
They played rock paper Caesar
What did the anciient Roman soldier tell his girlfriend?
You are a solid X
Where did the Romans go to rent their vehicles?
Herculease.
Ancient Rome
Two friends are talking:
- you know how many girls I had?
- mmm?
- No, not that many...
People argue that the Romans were wrong to crucify Jesus
Personally, I think they nailed it.
Caesar accused Brutus of cannibalism. "Ate dudes, Brutus?"
Why was the roman soldier kicked out of the army? Because he was roamin around during war.
What roman never gets any dates?
Hidius
I think if Rome hadn't been built on a hill...
..it wouldn't have had such a fast decline.
What leads people to Rome?
The scents.
They want some aROMAtherapy.
What do you call a depressed tick from ancient Rome?
A hopeless Roman Tick
Why did Julius Caesar never say thank you to anyone?
He didn't speak English.
What was the most popular kids' movie in Ancient Greece?
Troy Story.
Where would you find Hadrian's Wall?
At the bottom of his garden!
What did the gangster say to Julius Cesar?
I went to an XXX Girls Show in Rome
There were just 30 girls...
How did Julius Caesar like his water?
Rome temperature.
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
Doofus was the stupidest of Roman generals.
Why did Rome Fall?
Because it slipped on some Greece.
Have you heard about the roman numeral hospital?
All they have is IVs!
Why didn't ancient Romans reuse crosses after crucifixions?
To avoid cross contamination
Why did Julius Caesar buy crayons?
He wanted to Mark Antony.
What did the ancient roman dad name his fat newborn?
Voluminous.
What was the Romans' greatest achievement?
Learning to speak Latin!
Julius Caesar
Was a well dressed romaine.
A Roman walks into a cafe and makes an "X" with his fingers.
He says, "Ten teas, please!"
A history student was so enamored with Ancient Rome that he decided to become a Roman himself. His friends weren't very supportive. They kept telling him to get with the times,
New Roman.
Ancient Romans considered vomitoriums a good place to un-wine.
You know why I hate Julius Caesar jokes?
They always kill me.
Getting a Roman soldier to stand next to an Irishman ...
... requires a lot of Gaul.
If Romeo and Juliet were tuna...
they would be Starkist lovers.
Why did it take the Roman General 10 tries to find the buried treasure?
Because X marks the spot
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