When I don't have time to iron a shirt, I just steel one.
My brother just admitted that he broke my favourite lamp.
I'm not sure I'll be able look at him in the same light ever again
Me: Dad, can I turn the air-conditioner on?
Dad: did you shampoo it first?
What do you get when you put a saxophonist in a freezer?
Cool jazz.
Why did the lamps get arrested?
They were in some shady business
My wife left a note on the fridge, saying, "This isn't working. Goodbye."
I opened it and it works fine.
What does a confident kettle have
Self-e-steam
What did the toaster say to the criminal bread?
"I'm taking you into crustody"
Why did the monk meditate with a light bulb? He hoped it would help him to reach enlightenment.”
Why did the freezer never graduate?
Because it was set on 0 degrees.
Did you hear the one about the ice cube’s great escape from the freezer?
You could say it was a well thawed out plan.
My Microwave is a Liar. On the front it says "30-60 Seconds for a Hot Dog."
I keep running that thing for minutes on end but I never get a Hot Dog to come out.
What is a plug’s favorite chant at a sporting event?
CHARGE!!
An electrician needed to change 8 fluorescent lamps to brighten up a large conference room at our office. I asked him if he needed a hand carrying them.
He said no, this is light.
What would you call a power failure? A current event.
My wife said to me that the spark between us had gone. So, I tasered her, and I’ll ask her again when she wakes up.”
A superconductor walks into a bar. The bartender says, Get out! We don’t serve your kind here.
I started making lamps in the shape of the alphabet.
After the first three, it was a D-light.
Why are refrigerator shelves hipsters?
They were there before it was cool.
So earlier I took my clothes from the washer and threw them into the dryer.
I can't be sure how they felt about that, but they seemed agitated.
Today I found out my toaster isn't waterproof
I was shocked.
I replaced all the air vents in my house with smaller ones.
It was a reduction.
Why are environmentalists attracted to electricity?
It’s natural.
Phil told me about what lights up a light bulb.
But I didn’t know what Phil-a-meant.
What did the lamp say to the flickering candle?
"Do you want to go out sometime soon?"
I hid the control for the TV
I’m not even remotely sorry.
Why do microwaves always mess up wifi...
...when every one I've tried creates hotspots?
Why did the electrician marry his colleague? He couldn’t resistor.
Hey did you hear that ESPN is broadcasting this year's Origami competition?
I heard it's pay per view...
How do you turn a duck into a soul singer?
Stick him in an oven until his Bill Withers
Why did the light bulb fail his math quiz?
He wasn’t too bright.
What do you call a skeleton in a freezer?
Bone-chilling.
I bring my TV remote into every sports bar I go to so I can change the channel to whatever I want.
It’s a real game changer
Who's the most popular kitchen appliance?
The freezer, he's really cool
My wife is threatening to leave me because of my obsession with acting like a TV news anchor.
More on this after the break.
How did the pizza escape the oven?
Through the dough!
When you clean out a vacuum cleaner, you make the vacuum cleaner.
What do power strips always say at their high school reunions? I haven’t seen you in light-years.”
When you clean out a vacuum cleaner, does that make YOU a vacuum cleaner?
The tea pot sounds so angry!
Nah, its just letting off some steam.
Why did the electrical cords break up?
There was no spark between them.
What is a Jedi electrician’s favorite tool? His lightsaber”
What did the black pepper say to his wife after coming out of the grinder?
"Don't worry. I'm fine."
Why is the air conditioner repairman the life of the party?
It’s not cool until he arrives.
Got into my car and realized my wife had shut off all the A/C vents.
Definitely not cool.
Why did the man eat the light bulb?
He was hoping it would give him a bright idea.
In the darkness, is where a flashlight really shines!
I tried to taste the hot light bulb
But I got my tungstenned.
What kind of plant generates the most energy? A power plant.”
I just built a car out of a washing machine.
I’ll be taking it for a spin later.
Accidentally spilled frosting all over the freezer.
Going to leave it be though, since the freezer has an auto defrost feature.
Refrigerators look kinda boring.
But actually they're pretty cool
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