Why do quitters do all the laundry?
They always throw in the towel!
Did you hear the one about the ice cube’s great escape from the freezer?
You could say it was a well thawed out plan.
My son asked me if I ate the leftovers he was saving in the refrigerator.
I told him "of course not - I ate them in the living room"
I tried to help my wife with laundry by putting her underwear away.
But she got her panties in a bunch over it.
I just built a car out of a washing machine.
I’ll be taking it for a spin later.
What do you call an ironing board that makes your clothes more wrinkly?
An irony board.
I caught my friend harassing some electricity. I told him it was an abuse of power.”
My son asked me how I never seemed to lose the TV remote when he was growing up.
I told him I'd always put it in a location away from all the clutter...
A remote location.
After buying grocers, I sat on the San Francisco pier and pondered life. My laundry detergent tipped over...
Now I’m sittin on the dock of a bay, watching my Tide roll away.
I bought a new heater for my wife.
She didn't like it first, but now I think she's warmed up to it.
Don't ever change a light bulb while the oven is on
You'll get burned out
If you think that your phone, laptop, microwave and fridge spying on you is bad
Then you should know that your vaccum cleaner has been collecting dirt on you for a while .
What’s the best tool to install an electrical plug with?
A socket wrench.
What do power strips always say at their high school reunions?
I haven’t seen you in light years.
What kind of car does an electrician drive? A Volts-wagon.”
What do you call the art of Freezer meditation?
Fro-zen!
The government is planning to ban articles about ironing appliances in the newspaper.
The freedom of press is no more.
I just saw my wife trip and fall, while carrying a laundry basket full of ironed clothes.
I watched it all unfold.
How many birds does it take to change a light bulb?
Normally three, but Toucan.
What is the most desirable kitchen appliance?
A hot plate.
What do you call an Incarcerated late night TV show host?
Jimmy Felon.
So earlier I took my clothes from the washer and threw them into the dryer.
I can't be sure how they felt about that, but they seemed agitated.
What do you call a gorilla stuck in a ventilation shaft?
A Duct-ape.
Today I found out my toaster isn't waterproof
I was shocked.
Where do light bulbs go shopping?
The outlet stores.
Just bought a vacuum cleaner, from a Buddhist selling them door to door. I should have known better..
It came with no attachments.
Electric razors are the best thing since sliced beard.
What did Communists use to light their houses before candles? Electricity.
More places are charging fees to iron my clothes after they launder them...
I guess the free press is under siege!
Everyone knows The Beatles, but do you know The Laundry Beatles?
It's members are Paul McCottoney, John Linen, Ringo Starch ... And George Harrison.
What do you call laundry detergent on the top shelf?
High tide.
I stopped ironing my clothes.
I have less pressing concerns.
I hate when my heater says something that sounds meaningful...
But it turns out to just be blowing hot air.
Just opened my water bill and my electricity bill at the same time… I was shocked.”
What did the dough say after half an hour in the oven?
I’m bready.
Air conditioner technicians...
love to vent about their job in order to cool off.
My friend called and said he was sick of his fireplace exhaust vent...
Sounds like another case of the flue.
What is the difference between lightning and electricity. For electricity, you need to pay, but
lightning kills for free.”
How many museum curators does it take to change a light bulb?
6. 1 changes it and the other 5 preserve, display, and celebrate the old model.
What did the lamps do after their date?
They got turned on.
Where do electricians get their supplies? The Ohm Depot.
It's almost impossible to tell someone if a vacuum works or not.
Either it sucks or it sucks.
What is the energy provider’s favorite dance? The electric slide.”
I love lamps.
They're so enlightening.
How do you keep food warm in the refrigerator?
Keep it in the corner, because it is 90 degrees.
Oh laundry, sometimes I feel like our first president...
Because I am washing-a-ton.
A dangerous surge of electricity walks into a bar. The barman says, why the long phase?”
What did the toaster say to the criminal bread?
"I'm taking you into crustody"
A burglar stole all my lamps.
I should be upset, but I’m delighted
The superconductor left without resistance.
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