Last night me and the wife watched three DVDs back to back.
Luckily I was the one facing the TV
On our way to buy a refrigerator, I saw my husband carrying a piece of paper with a giant X written on it. I asked, “What are you going to do with it?”
He said, “Let’s cross that fridge when we get there.”
Why did the monk meditate with a light bulb? He hoped it would help him to reach enlightenment.”
I didn't know if I could crawl through heating vents to escape from prison...
After I duct, I found I conduit!
What is the energy provider’s favorite dance? The electric slide.”
I can’t afford to pay for electricity anymore; these are some dark times.
What did Communists use to light their houses before candles? Electricity.
How did the small oven greet the large oven?
He Microwaved.
I feel uncomfortable next to my fridge
It's way too cool for me
What temperature do you set a toy oven?
Faux hundred degrees.
I sold my cleaning equipment.
It was just collecting dust.
What do power strips always say at their high school reunions? I haven’t seen you in light-years.”
What do you call the art of Freezer meditation?
Fro-zen!
What is an electrician’s favorite flavor of ice cream? Shock-a-lot.”
I'm thinking about writing a book about lamps. I think its a bright idea
I got tricked into buying a cooling fan that didn't work...
It was an air con.
Got into my car and realized my wife had shut off all the A/C vents.
Definitely not cool.
My landlord said we need to talk about how high my heating bill is.
I replied: “Sure, my door is always open.”
I finally managed to get rid of that nasty electrical charge I’ve been carrying. I’m ex-static!”
What kind of plant generates the most energy? A power plant.”
I put some bread in the toaster this morning, but it never popped up again
I think it might be comatoast.
My dad wanted to teach me to fix the car but all I did was hold the flashlight.
I guess I'll never hold a candle to him.
I bought you a refrigirator.
I can't wait to see your face light up as you open it.
What did the dough say after half an hour in the oven?
I’m bready.
At what point will you love to change your bulbs the most?
When sparks fly.
Why are teapots so expensive?
Because they make you pour!
What was the light bulb’s occupation?
He was a conductor
What’s the best tool to install an electrical plug with?
A socket wrench.
My son asked me how I never seemed to lose the TV remote when he was growing up.
I told him I'd always put it in a location away from all the clutter...
A remote location.
When you clean out a vacuum cleaner, does that make YOU a vacuum cleaner?
You’re a unit of electrical energy, Harry.” I’m a watt?”
How long do you microwave fish?
Tuna half minutes!
Just bought a vacuum cleaner, from a Buddhist selling them door to door. I should have known better..
It came with no attachments.
Yesterday I put a $50 note in my freezer.
Now I have some frozen assets.
What do you get when you put a saxophonist in a freezer?
Cool jazz.
I used to get so mad when my kitchen appliances leaked
now it's just water under the fridge
My Microwave is a Liar. On the front it says "30-60 Seconds for a Hot Dog."
I keep running that thing for minutes on end but I never get a Hot Dog to come out.
Why did bulb pack an apple in his bag?
He wanted to have a light snack.
What do mushrooms watch on TV?
Spores.
A friend of mine once found a hundred dollar bill in his pocket after doing laundry...
I became too afraid he might have gotten himself into the money laundering business.
I like to sleep with the bedside lamp on, even though my wife says it's weird.
I don't see how, I think it makes a great hat.
What does a confident kettle have
Self-e-steam
Why was the broken air conditioner already sad?
Because it couldn’t vent it’s problems.
Why did the electrical cords break up?
There was no spark between them.
Accidentally spilled frosting all over the freezer.
Going to leave it be though, since the freezer has an auto defrost feature.
What did the man say after he came out of the walk-in freezer?
"That experience was chilling."
I can't decide whether to grill chicken breasts or chicken thighs...
I guess I'll just wing it
My friend asked me why I was wearing a lamp shade over my face.
I replied, "I am feeling light headed."
I was holding a bottle of laundry detergent when all of a sudden it exploded, completely drenching my hands.
Oh well. I guess my hands are Tide.
Everyone knows The Beatles, but do you know The Laundry Beatles?
It's members are Paul McCottoney, John Linen, Ringo Starch ... And George Harrison.
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