What do you say to a procrastinating pig? Listen, bud, it’s snout or never.
What do you call a pig with three eyes?
A piiig!
What do you say to an overbearing pig? Stop porcine the issue.
Why don’t pigs eat cake? Because they’re morally opposed to bacon.
What do the lady pigs say when someone leaves the toilet seat up? “Hoof-orgot to put the seat down?"
When the pig had a quarrel with his wife, he ended up having a gilt trip.
What did the pig say to his friend who had been cheated upon?
Please don't go bacon this relationship.
What do you call a cold, angry pig? A ham-brr-grr.
Any advice on getting a pet pig? Just be sure you get the pig of the litter.
What do you have left after a pig eats a watermelon?
Pork rinds.
When pigs live high on the hog, they run the risk of going into hock.
Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
Pig…
Pig who?
Pig on someone your own size!
Why was the pig given a red card at the football game?
For playing dirty.
What do you call a pig with a rash? Ham and eczema.
How can you tell you’re in a pig wine bar? Because everything’s swine.
What’s the one way you should never greet a male pig? “Sow, what’s up?”
There was so much crackling on the line, I thought a pig was disturbing the phone.
What’s it called when a bunch of pigs compete in athletic games?
The Olympigs.
I read a story about pig anatomy.
It was all straightforward until I found a twist in the tale.
Did you hear about the pig who opened a pawn shop?
He called it “Ham Hocks”.
What do pigs learn in the army? Ham to ham combat.
A local farmer has trained his pigs to perform ballet.
I’m going to see their production of swine lake.
What do you call an imaginary pig? A pig-ment of your imagination.
What do you call a pig with skin problems? A wart-hog.
What happened to the pig who ate too fast? They got a ticket for running a Slop Sign.
What do you get when you pick a pig’s nose?
Ham boogers.
According to pig etiquette, piglets are meant to be porcine and not heard.
What’s the first line of the pig bible? “In the bacon-ing…”
What’s a pig’s favorite holiday? Ar-boar Day.
What advice did the grandpa pig have for his kids?
“Don’t take anything for grunted.”
What do you say to a procrastinating pig? Listen, bud, it’s snout or never.
How do you make a pig really happy on his birthday? Throw him a sow-prize party.
Any advice on getting a pet pig? Just be sure you get the pig of the litter.
What do you call a pig with no legs?
A groundhog.
What did the introverted pig say when asked why they don’t like socializing? “I’m not a people porcine.”
Why did the pig get fired? Insu-boar-dination.
One of the punny pig names for a pig that loves Shakespeare is Hamlet.
Did you hear the horse and the pig are dating?
They’re in a stable relationship.
What do you call a pig that gets the test answer wrong? Mistaken bacon.
When a pig takes out a loan, he becomes a boar-ower.
If your piglet wants to be a wizard, there’s only one alternative: Hogwarts.
What did the pig say on the warm summer’s day?
“I’m bacon.”
What do you call a pig that drives around recklessly?
A road hog.
When pigs work together, it’s known as collab-boar-ation.
Why do pigs make awful football players?
They don’t like playing with the “pig skin.”
Pig always have ink all over their faces because they live in a pen.
What did the pig do when it came to a pork in the road? It pigged the road less traveled.
What happened when the pig pen broke?
They had to use the pig pencil.
How do pigs write top secret messages?
With invisible oink!
Did you hear about the piglets who wanted to do something special for Mother’s Day?
They threw a sowprize party.