Gardening question: Does anyone know a good place where I can buy a fern? Asking for a frond.
My neighbor asked me if he could borrow my lawnmower. It told him he could; if he did not take it out of my yard.
All clover the world.
Ow did the millionaire gardener get rich so quickly?
He was running a huge pansy scheme.
I used to make lots of money clearing leaves from gardens. I was raking it in.
Has anyone else's gardening skills improved during this quarantine like mine have?
I planted myself on the sofa at the beginning of April and I've grown bigger ever since.
I’ve always been afraid of gardening.
But then I decided to grow a pear.
When does a farmer dance? When he drops the beet.
Why do gardeners plant bulbs? So the worms can see where they’re going.
After a year of waiting, my publisher finally approved my book on gardening
It's about Thyme.
Your good weed for the day.
Let me plant one on ya!
Cleaning my cold frame is a pane in the glass.
Why do potatoes make good detectives?
Because they keep their eyes peeled.
Do you need some encourage-mint?
What do you call an everyday potato? A commen-tater.
What’s a gardener’s favorite type of trousers? Ones with turnips.
The farmer had such a bad headache he had to retire. He was sick of his grains.
What happened to the Venus Fly Trap's plant food?
The arbor-ate-em.
We’re mint to be.
What does a gardener call the tree surgeon who also makes a great cup of coffee?
Arbor-ista.
It’s party thyme.
Don’t moss around.
Who needs friends when you’ve got anemones?
Why was the gardener so embarrassed? He wet his plants!
What’s the name of the gardener’s favorite show? Lawn and order.
She didn’t date the gardener. He was too rough around the hedges.
Farmers are real experts, they are often outstanding in their fields.
One trick peony.
Ants in your plants.
My leaf blower doesn’t work. It just sucks!
What is it called when a gardener covertly listens to foliage falling in the fall?
Leaves-dropping.
What’s a corn farmer’s favorite animal? The unicorn.
Why did the gardener need a cork?
Because his garden sprung a leek!
I beg your garden?
Eat, drink and be rosemary.
Why was the gardener so busy over the weekend?
He had a long honeydew list.
Why didn’t anyone laugh at the gardener’s jokes?
Because they were too corny!
One bonsai tree grower was so successful he moved into a miniature house.
Do you have the thyme? I need to get somewhere around tree o’clock.
Many gardeners suffer from hay fever. Isn’t that news a pollen?
Our farm is haunted by chickens. You could say that we have a poultry-geist problem.
I started an insurance company for flower and gardening businesses...
It's called "oopsie daisies."
Why did the gardener think her plant was sick?
It was looking very green.
I asked the staff at my local garden center what to grow in my garden. They gave me some sage advice.
Do you know what really bugs me? Insect puns.
What’s the easiest way to stop a dog from digging in the garden?
Take away his shovel!
What do you call it when worms eat all of the plants and take over the world?
Global Worming.
What’s a gardener’s favorite Harrison Ford film? Raiders of the Lost Bark.
Garden centers are attempting to stem a fall in the sale of fresh flowers.