She didn’t date the gardener. He was too rough around the hedges.
Do you know what really bugs me? Insect puns.
You’re unbeleafable.
Why is The Hulk such a good gardener? Because he’s got green fingers.
What runs around a garden but never moves? A fence.
Why do gardeners plant bulbs? So the worms can see where they’re going.
Why did the gardener think her plant was sick?
It was looking very green.
Don’t moss around.
One bonsai tree grower was so successful he moved into a miniature house.
A man walks into a flower shop "I'd like some flowers please."
"Certainly, Sir. What did you have in mind?"
He shrugs "Well I'm not sure, I uh, I uh, I uh..."
"Perhaps I could help. What exactly have you done?"
If you’re looking for a job, get trained in horticulture. It’s a growing industry.
If a man is alone in the garden and speaks, and there is no woman to hear him, is he still wrong?
What kind of flowers bloom on your face? Tulips!
Did you hear the gardener's joke about the old oak tree?
It's acorny one!
I beg your garden?
What do you call it when worms eat all of the plants and take over the world?
Global Worming.
Your good seed for the day.
That’s a bit mulch.
What’s a gardener’s favorite Harrison Ford film? Raiders of the Lost Bark.
Why was the gardener so busy over the weekend?
He had a long honeydew list.
Why did the gardener need a cork?
Because his garden sprung a leek!
I got into a fight with a snail. It was a real slug-fest.
We’re mint to be.
Has anyone else's gardening skills improved during this quarantine like mine have?
I planted myself on the sofa at the beginning of April and I've grown bigger ever since.
Botanists have developed a vegetable that eliminates the need to brush your teeth.
Bristle sprouts.
I wasn’t all that interested in gardening, but I planted a few seeds, and it grew on me.
Why shouldn’t you tell a secret on a farm? Because the corn has ears.
Gardening question: Does anyone know a good place where I can buy a fern? Asking for a frond.
Winter does not arrive until the ice is in the compost heap. Spring does not arrive until the ice is out of the compost.
Farmers are real experts, they are often outstanding in their fields.
What do you get if you cross a four-leaf clover with poison ivy?
A rash of good luck.
I was offered a job as a gardener, but I didn’t take it because the celery was too low.
How do you know if you're a bad gardener?
All the rocks in your garden went belly up!
What is it called when a gardener covertly listens to foliage falling in the fall?
Leaves-dropping.
I got a job working in a hayfield. After one day I bailed.
Eat, drink and be rosemary.
I started dating the girl across the street. Honestly, lawn-distance relationships aren’t that hard.
I’m kind of a big dill.
Why didn’t the flower get to go out on a second date?
He was a garden variety.
I hired a landscape gardener today.
He couldn’t help me — my garden is a portrait.
Scarecrows always garden their patch.
What’s the easiest way to stop a dog from digging in the garden?
Take away his shovel!
Any self-respecting rock will break at least one shovel before accepting its new home.
Ow did the millionaire gardener get rich so quickly?
He was running a huge pansy scheme.
How do you know you are a Master Gardener?
There is a decorative compost container on your kitchen counter.
You would rather go to a nursery to shop than a clothing store.
You prefer gardening to watching television.
You plan vacation trips to arboretums and public parks.
Dirt under your fingernails and calloused palms are matters of pride.
What do you call a cow who works for a gardener?
A lawn moo-er.
What happened to the Venus Fly Trap's plant food?
The arbor-ate-em.
In on the ground flora.
All dressed up and nowhere to grow.
What is the wise gardener's mantra?
Weed 'Em and Reap!