The farmer had such a bad headache he had to retire. He was sick of his grains.
Schwarzenegger retired from TV to kill bugs. Now he’s an ex-terminator.
Long thyme no see.
Let’s take a leaf of faith.
What do you call it when worms eat all of the plants and take over the world?
Global Worming.
Herb your enthusiasm.
That’s a bit mulch.
A magic tractor drove down the road and turned into a field!
I was offered a job as a gardener, but I didn’t take it because the celery was too low.
One more thyme.
Did you hear about the squirrel diet? It’s nuts!
What kind of socks does a gardener wear?
Garden hose!
I beg your garden?
Do you need some encourage-mint?
I started dating the girl across the street. Honestly, lawn-distance relationships aren’t that hard.
Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them perspire.
Mushrooms always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas.
The pistol of a flower is its only protection against insects.
Germinate: To become a naturalized German.
Rhubarb: A kind of celery gone bloodshot.
I wasn’t all that interested in gardening, but I planted a few seeds, and it grew on me.
I started an insurance company for flower and gardening businesses...
It's called "oopsie daisies."
Ants in your plants.
What’s a gardener’s favorite Beatles song? Lettuce Be.
I’m very frond of you.
Your good weed for the day.
If, instead of talking to your plants, you yelled at them, would they still grow, only to be troubled and insecure?
What rock would you find inside a garden shed?
Shedimentary.
When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.
Many gardeners suffer from hay fever. Isn’t that news a pollen?
I’ve always been afraid of gardening.
But then I decided to grow a pear.
Why didn’t anyone laugh at the gardener’s jokes?
Because they were too corny!
What do you call a grumpy and short-tempered gardener?
A Snapdragon.
Why is The Hulk such a good gardener? Because he’s got green fingers.
Why shouldn’t you tell a secret on a farm? Because the corn has ears.
Have you botany plants lately?
A man walks into a flower shop "I'd like some flowers please."
"Certainly, Sir. What did you have in mind?"
He shrugs "Well I'm not sure, I uh, I uh, I uh..."
"Perhaps I could help. What exactly have you done?"
Scarecrows always garden their patch.
You’re unbeleafable.
All things must grass.
Trowel and error.
If only I could grow green stuff in my garden like I can in my refrigerator.
Over quarantine, I’ve really gotten into gardening. I am especially enamored with growing chard varieties. So much so I’ve written a book of poems about their taproots.
I hope to one day be recognized as the beet poet of our generation!
Don’t moss around.
Why do gardeners plant bulbs? So the worms can see where they’re going.
I got a job working in a hayfield. After one day I bailed.
I’m kind of a big dill.
We’re mint to be.
All dressed up and nowhere to grow.
I want to start gardening, but I haven’t botany plants.
If a man is alone in the garden and speaks, and there is no woman to hear him, is he still wrong?
What do you get if you cross a four-leaf clover with poison ivy?
A rash of good luck.
All clover the world.
What runs around a garden but never moves? A fence.