What kind of socks does a gardener wear?
Garden hose!
In the eyes of the lawn.
Has anyone else's gardening skills improved during this quarantine like mine have?
I planted myself on the sofa at the beginning of April and I've grown bigger ever since.
All clover the world.
I’ve started to plant my herbs in alphabetical order. People ask me how I find the time. I tell them “it’s next to the sage”.
Did you hear the gardener's joke about the old oak tree?
It's acorny one!
What kind of garden flowers grow in outer space?
Moonflowers, Sunflowers, Star Clusters, and Cosmos.
I’m rooting for you!
It’s party thyme.
Botanists have developed a vegetable that eliminates the need to brush your teeth.
Bristle sprouts.
Ow did the millionaire gardener get rich so quickly?
He was running a huge pansy scheme.
What does a gardener call the tree surgeon who also makes a great cup of coffee?
Arbor-ista.
A woman asks her neighbor, "Can I borrow your lawnmower?"
Her neighbor says, "No, he's not home yet"
Farmers are real experts, they are often outstanding in their fields.
I was offered a job as a gardener, but I didn’t take it because the celery was too low.
The farmer had such a bad headache he had to retire. He was sick of his grains.
Trowel and error.
I’ve always been afraid of gardening.
But then I decided to grow a pear.
I’m kind of a big dill.
Cleaning my cold frame is a pane in the glass.
Sherlock Holmes was doing some gardening, Watson asked what he was planting. He replied “A lemon tree, my dear Watson”.
Why are shovels, trowels, and spades so common in down-to-earth novels and movies?
Because they're plot devices.
What did the pirate call his vegetable patch?
His garrrrgh-den.
What is it called when a gardener covertly listens to foliage falling in the fall?
Leaves-dropping.
Gardening question: Does anyone know a good place where I can buy a fern? Asking for a frond.
What rock would you find inside a garden shed?
Shedimentary.
God made rainy days, so gardeners could get the housework done.
I started an insurance company for flower and gardening businesses...
It's called "oopsie daisies."
How do you know if you're a bad gardener?
All the rocks in your garden went belly up!
All dressed up and nowhere to grow.
Your good weed for the day.
Mountains aren’t just funny. They’re hill areas.
What’s a gardener’s favorite Beatles song? Lettuce Be.
I beg your garden?
Eat, drink and be rosemary.
What runs around a garden but never moves? A fence.
Do you need some encourage-mint?
If, instead of talking to your plants, you yelled at them, would they still grow, only to be troubled and insecure?
New Year's resolution for the bankrupt gardener was to forget the past and rely on the fuchsia...
If a man is alone in the garden and speaks, and there is no woman to hear him, is he still wrong?
Don’t moss around.
Do you have the thyme? I need to get somewhere around tree o’clock.
Why do gardeners plant bulbs? So the worms can see where they’re going.
My neighbor asked me if he could borrow my lawnmower. It told him he could; if he did not take it out of my yard.
Many gardeners suffer from hay fever. Isn’t that news a pollen?
Let me plant one on ya!
She didn’t date the gardener. He was too rough around the hedges.
I started dating the girl across the street. Honestly, lawn-distance relationships aren’t that hard.
Winter does not arrive until the ice is in the compost heap. Spring does not arrive until the ice is out of the compost.
I had a job drilling holes for water. It was well boring.