Let me plant one on ya!
Farmers are real experts, they are often outstanding in their fields.
What do you call a cow who works for a gardener?
A lawn moo-er.
If a man is alone in the garden and speaks, and there is no woman to hear him, is he still wrong?
Gardening question: Does anyone know a good place where I can buy a fern? Asking for a frond.
My local garden center is doing buy one, get one free on manure. Don’t sniff at this offer.
What do you call a book on underwater gardening?
A self-kelp book.
Let’s take a leaf of faith.
Why are shovels, trowels, and spades so common in down-to-earth novels and movies?
Because they're plot devices.
Our farm is haunted by chickens. You could say that we have a poultry-geist problem.
I asked the staff at my local garden center what to grow in my garden. They gave me some sage advice.
All things must grass.
I started an insurance company for flower and gardening businesses...
It's called "oopsie daisies."
Why did the gardener think her plant was sick?
It was looking very green.
I’ll never leaf you.
Why shouldn’t you tell a secret on a farm? Because the corn has ears.
Did you hear the gardener's joke about the old oak tree?
It's acorny one!
Long thyme no see.
Why do potatoes make good detectives?
Because they keep their eyes peeled.
What’s the name of the gardener’s favorite show? Lawn and order.
How do you know if you're a bad gardener?
All the rocks in your garden went belly up!
I got into a fight with a snail. It was a real slug-fest.
It’s party thyme.
What is it called when a gardener covertly listens to foliage falling in the fall?
Leaves-dropping.
What is the wise gardener's mantra?
Weed 'Em and Reap!
Ow did the millionaire gardener get rich so quickly?
He was running a huge pansy scheme.
How do you make an apple puff? Chase it around the garden.
Did you hear about the squirrel diet? It’s nuts!
What’s a gardener’s favorite Beatles song? Lettuce Be.
Scarecrows always garden their patch.
I’m kind of a big dill.
After a year of waiting, my publisher finally approved my book on gardening
It's about Thyme.
We’re mint to be.
Have you botany plants lately?
I beg your garden?
What runs around a garden but never moves? A fence.
New Year's resolution for the bankrupt gardener was to forget the past and rely on the fuchsia...
In the eyes of the lawn.
Don’t moss around.
What do you call it when worms eat all of the plants and take over the world?
Global Worming.
Over quarantine, I’ve really gotten into gardening. I am especially enamored with growing chard varieties. So much so I’ve written a book of poems about their taproots.
I hope to one day be recognized as the beet poet of our generation!
Botanists have developed a vegetable that eliminates the need to brush your teeth.
Bristle sprouts.
Do you know what really bugs me? Insect puns.
What kind of flowers bloom on your face? Tulips!
I hired a landscape gardener today.
He couldn’t help me — my garden is a portrait.
I got a job working in a hayfield. After one day I bailed.
One bonsai tree grower was so successful he moved into a miniature house.
Has anyone else's gardening skills improved during this quarantine like mine have?
I planted myself on the sofa at the beginning of April and I've grown bigger ever since.
I beg your garden?
If, instead of talking to your plants, you yelled at them, would they still grow, only to be troubled and insecure?