What’s a corn farmer’s favorite animal? The unicorn.
She didn’t date the gardener. He was too rough around the hedges.
What kind of flowers bloom on your face? Tulips!
I started dating the girl across the street. Honestly, lawn-distance relationships aren’t that hard.
Mountains aren’t just funny. They’re hill areas.
In on the ground flora.
How do you make an apple puff? Chase it around the garden.
Any self-respecting rock will break at least one shovel before accepting its new home.
Why did the gardener need a cork?
Because his garden sprung a leek!
Eat, drink and be rosemary.
Trowel and error.
A magic tractor drove down the road and turned into a field!
One bonsai tree grower was so successful he moved into a miniature house.
Why was the gardener so embarrassed? He wet his plants!
Let me plant one on ya!
I asked the staff at my local garden center what to grow in my garden. They gave me some sage advice.
When does a farmer dance? When he drops the beet.
Why do potatoes make good detectives?
Because they keep their eyes peeled.
My leaf blower doesn’t work. It just sucks!
Botanists have developed a vegetable that eliminates the need to brush your teeth.
Bristle sprouts.
What do you get if you cross a four-leaf clover with poison ivy?
A rash of good luck.
Let’s take a leaf of faith.
Cleaning my cold frame is a pane in the glass.
Leaf me alone.
Your good seed for the day.
What is the wise gardener's mantra?
Weed 'Em and Reap!
Why didn’t the flower get to go out on a second date?
He was a garden variety.
What do you call a grumpy and short-tempered gardener?
A Snapdragon.
Why is The Hulk such a good gardener? Because he’s got green fingers.
What did the pirate call his vegetable patch?
His garrrrgh-den.
What does a gardener call the tree surgeon who also makes a great cup of coffee?
Arbor-ista.
My local garden center is doing buy one, get one free on manure. Don’t sniff at this offer.
Why are shovels, trowels, and spades so common in down-to-earth novels and movies?
Because they're plot devices.
I’m very frond of you.
Garden centers are attempting to stem a fall in the sale of fresh flowers.
Gardening question: Does anyone know a good place where I can buy a fern? Asking for a frond.
Did you hear about the squirrel diet? It’s nuts!
Don’t moss around.
Why didn’t anyone laugh at the gardener’s jokes?
Because they were too corny!
What do you call a book on underwater gardening?
A self-kelp book.
All clover the world.
Our farm is haunted by chickens. You could say that we have a poultry-geist problem.
I’ve started to plant my herbs in alphabetical order. People ask me how I find the time. I tell them “it’s next to the sage”.
I was offered a job as a gardener, but I didn’t take it because the celery was too low.
Ow did the millionaire gardener get rich so quickly?
He was running a huge pansy scheme.
What is it called when a gardener covertly listens to foliage falling in the fall?
Leaves-dropping.
Why shouldn’t you tell a secret on a farm? Because the corn has ears.
I used to make lots of money clearing leaves from gardens. I was raking it in.
What’s the easiest way to stop a dog from digging in the garden?
Take away his shovel!
I want to start gardening, but I haven’t botany plants.