What’s a missionary’s favorite kind of car?
A convertible.
When his wife was preparing his favorite chocolate cake, the baseball player said "Batter Up.
Vegetarians in the sixth century were called peasants.
How does the Pope dry his hands?
He uses a Papal towel.
It’s been a few years since the invisible man married the invisible woman.
Their kids are nothing to look at.
Is it bad to swallow a cherry whole? No don't worry, it's just one of the pitfalls of life.
I broke both my legs yesterday and now I have to use a wheelchair
I really can’t stand my situation right now.
What’s a monster’s favorite play? Romeo and Ghouliet.
So in my trip to Spain i got attacked by a bull.
Oh man that's spainful.
Who is a beaver's most favorite pop singer ever? Justin Beaver.
What do you call a sad pup?
A mellon collie
These thousand tricky tongue twisters trip thrillingly off the tongue.
You are aged to perfection.
Any advice on getting a pet pig? Just be sure you get the pig of the litter.
What do you call someone who always takes pictures of their dog?
A pup-arazzi.
A burglar stole all my lamps.
I should be upset, but I’m delighted
What’s the healthiest piece of furniture?
The vege-table
Why did the Dalmatian have to go to the eye doctor?
He kept seeing spots.
The guy who got arrested for eating batteries…. He is to be charged in the morning.
What is a cat’s favorite type of water? Purr-ified!
I used to search for clams on the beach
But then I pulled a mussel.
What is a flower’s favorite vegetable?
Cauliflower.
What dog particularly enjoys the sight of flowers on the ground? A spring-er spaniel.
Why wasn’t the giraffe invited to the party?
He was a pain in the neck.
I guess I’m going to France
Because I have nothing Toulouse.
What’s a werewolve's favorite hobby?
Collecting fleas!
Why did the ghost decide to become a vegan?
Because it's super natural.
I don’t trust grey things.
They are very shady.
What do you call a nervous witch?
A twitch.
The Doctor could tell right away the bucket was sick.
It was looking a bit pale.
Invest in grills!
They're hot steakholders!
I hate how all my fairy photographs have really bad quality.
They’re all so pixielated.
How do monsters like their eggs?
Terri-fried.
What did the fish say when it ran into the wall?
Dam.
What kind of shoes do mice wear? Squeakers.
Bake big batches of bitter brown bread
Why did Mr. and Mrs. Barnacle go to couples' counselling?
Because their marriage was the rocks.
What is the first time that a volleyball match was talked about in the Bible? When Joseph served in the Pharaoh’s court.
Why did the worm leave the Apple?
Because Noah said to travel in pairs
Why are the electricians always up to date? Because they are ‘current specialists.
"You're a real good egg."
The Beavers have the ugliest house in the neighborhood.
It’s a dam shame.
What do you call a cow on the barnyard floor? Ground Beef What do you call a cow with no front legs? Lean Beef
What was the favorite pass time of peasants from the medieval time period? They absolutely love to go serfing!
Grandma runs the kitchen like a turtle-tarian; give her some space there.
My wife was at the store earlier and she texted me saying, “Should I buy new beach towels?”
I wrote back, “Shore.”
Which type of wine do horses request most often?
Chardon-neigh.
Why are geologists good at stand up comedy?
They know really “dirty” jokes.
A group of crows placed evenly between two margins is definitely a justified murder.
How do you make a werewolf stew?
Keep him waiting until the full moon!