The Vikings had an initiative tradition where a child had to participate in a raid to become a full man
... as they say, it takes a pillage to raise a child.
National Herbs and Spices Day is celebrated annually on June 10.
What did the bunny say to its crush? Hey there hop stuff.
The local band stand was struck by lightening yesterday while the band was playing.
Only the conductor was hit.
Which word can be used to describe a peach that is surprised, shocked, or angry with strong emotion? – Speachless!
How do you fix a broken pizza?
With tomato paste.
What did one ornament say to another? I like hanging with you.
What job on a construction site is best suited to a skeleton?
Cranium operator.
Why did the duck go to the bank?
Because he wanted to get a new bill.
What did one cloud of fog say to the other?
I don’t know. It’s a mistery.
Why is Cinderella bad at soccer?
Because she’s always running away from the ball.
Why should you be cautious of a Finnish submarine captain?
He’ll sink ye.
What do you call the king of vegetables? Elvis Parsley.
Who is a snake’s favorite actor?
Humphrey Boa-gart.
Who was the most flatulent Pharaoh in all of old Egypt?
King Tootsarecommon.
What is the only way one does not have to cry while cutting onions? They simply don't have to form emotional bonds with it.
What element is derived from a Norse god? Thorium.
I have no idea how so many people didn’t make it out the labyrinth.
It only took me a minotaur two.
"Adulting makes me wine."
Why was the chef surprised that anyone like her bread?
She thought it was crumby.
What is a baby parrot's favourite game? Beak-a-boo!
My mom is a metalurgist
I asked her the other day: "Which metal do you prefer to work with? Gold or silver?"
She said: "Either ore."
What does a cow ride when his car is broken?
A COW-asaki MOO-torcycle.
A werewolf's favorite day of the week is Moonday.
Me: Dad, can I turn the air-conditioner on?
Dad: did you shampoo it first?
I whale always love you.
Why do Italians love cooking?
It’s their national pasta-time
I was served by a former police officer at my local Applebee’s, I asked for a cup of water and he gave me a cup of ice instead and said
“Just-ice has been served”
When it came to tilling his garden by hand, he put a lot of heart into it.
He was gung hoe.
Donut even think about taking another donut!
"Beat it." — Michael Jackson, "Beat It"
See snow evil, hear snow evil.
How sweet is only for girls?
Her-shey’s kisses.
What it is it called if you refuse to go running today?
Resistance Training!
Why is ice cream so bad at tennis?
They have a soft serve.
Why should you never throw a snake like a boomerang?
Because it’ll come back to bite you.
Why’d did the cowboy have a wiener dog?
Someone told him to get a long little doggie
I used to get heartburn when I ate birthday cake until a doctor advised me to take the candles off first.
My wife was a bit down so I decided to redecorate our living room.
Thought it would chair her up but sofa she haven't even noticed
Which Hollywood actor can tell his car's odometer reading without looking at it?
Miles Teller
What do you call it when a truck of tortoises crashes into an aquarium?
A turtle disaster.
Mum, you are my soup-er star.
Which classical Greek may have actually invented baseball?
Homer.
What’s the most disgusting type of nut?
The cash-ew.
Why were the melon lovers sad?
Because they cantaloupe.
Luke Luck likes lakes.
Luke's duck likes lakes.
Luke Luck licks lakes.
Luck's duck licks lakes.
Duck takes licks in lakes Luke Luck likes.
Luke Luck takes licks in lakes duck likes.
A hippie when his opponent disputes his calls: That’s pretty far-out, man!
What is yellow and goes bzzzzzz? An electric banana.
What do teenage deer do at slumber parties?
Truth or deer.
The pilot was lucky. He always had work. Whenever he made an application, it was almost certain that he would land a job.