Authorities have been trying to figure out how the Worcestershire sauce truck spilled...
But it's hard to say...
Why did the bat fire a chauffeur?
He drove everyone batty.
I would talk about Valentine’s Day
But it looks like I missed my date.
Someone from Southern France sent me an MS Word file with 200 pages.
It's a Languedoc.
Why did the chicken cross the Mobius Strip?
To get to the same side.
What did you just call me? Just because we’re Dark Chocolate does not give you the right to call us “Snickers”.That’s OUR word.
Why did the person throw their computer cabinet in the air?
They wanted to store it in the cloud.
Why was the food critic fired?
They didn't reference their sauces
I really like guitars
They just strike a chord with me.
What do you call someone who lost her Marital arts tournament?
Divorced.
No body has ever won a skeleton race.
My friend went on a date with a Cardio Nurse
His heart was racing the whole time.
When the little unicorn got bullied at school, he told his pop-corn so he could do something about it.
Why are Dalmatians so bad at hiding?
Because they are always spotted.
What’s a bats favorite desert?
I-Scream!
What goes in dry and comes out wet. The longer I'm in, the stronger I get.
What did the pig say on the warm summer’s day?
“I’m bacon.”
You knead me in your loaf.
Vikings aren't afraid of death.
They know they'll be Bjorn again.
Where did Santa's little helpers go to high school?
They didn't, they were gnome-schooled.
What’s the difference between a hippo and a zippo? One is really heavy and the other is a little lighter.
The interesting the about engineering Toilet Paper.
It's an a-ply-ed science.
What did the first thunderstorm of the year say?
Hail to the spring!
Woke up this morning to a tap on my door.
That plumber has some sense of humour.
What do ghouls love to eat?
Fettuccini Afraid-o!
Flamingos do annoy each other sometimes. Apparently this is because they enjoy ruffling feathers.
A skunk sat on a stump and thunk the stump stunk, but the stump thunk the skunk stunk.
Why do mice need oiling?
Because they squeak!
Why don’t leprechauns run?
They’d rather jig than jog.
Why did the cat want to learn to fly?
She wanted to try bats.
What did the eskimo say when he chopped down a tree?
Tim-brrr
And speaking of meloncholy, I heard that’s what you get when you cross a watermelon and broccoli.
Ravens fans are so tough....they hang out in crowbars.
I want anarchy
Because my keyboard is missing one.
What's a coffee's favorite spell? Espresso Patronum.
Hey why Are The Viruses All Gone? Cause They "flu" AWAY.
What do cannibals eat for dessert?
Chocolate covered aunts.
What did the gangster say to Julius Cesar?
What did Papa cabinet advise to his Son cabinet before his first date?
"Just be youshelf"
One should always practice what they peach.
What is a phone's favorite TV show? Game of Phones.
What do you call an owl with a deep voice?
A growl.
I just found out my Husband is a Ghost. I realised the moment he walked through the door.
What did the evaporating raindrop say?
I’m going to pieces.
What’s the best thing you can put in a halloween cookie? Your teeth.
What did one crow say to the other after the party?
We were raven.
Why did the boy soon stop trying to grab the mountain fog? Because he always mist.
What happened to the men who lost their lettuce?
I don't know, but apparently they lost their heads.
My son was injected with poisoned blood from a person from Finland
He said "I am finnished."
My wife left a note on the fridge that said, “It’s not working. I can’t take it any more. I’m going to my mom’s.”
I opened the fridge door, the light came on, the beer was cold. What the hell did she mean?