How do you call a man who can cook an egg on his head?
pan o man.
What do you call donating a chair?
Charity!
What is Julius Caesar's favorite food?
Roman noodles
The wind had such a great time. You could say it had a blast.
For goat’s sake, that’s enough.
I tried riding a camel instead of a horse once.
It had its ups and downs.
Someone stole my fragrance-free lotion...
It was a scentless act of cruelty.
Why do we put candles on top of a birthday cake? Because it's too hard to put them on the bottom!
What do you call a truck towing a smaller truck?
A mother trucker
What did the boss pig say to the pig worker for not working fast enough? “chop chop slow pork”.
What do you call a knight who wants to overthrow the King?
Sir Plant.
How do you work out how many rolls of toilet paper are in 4 packets of 16?
Multiply.
Does Mr. Otterton listen to Gazelle? Yes he's a rabid fan.
What do fruits look for at a talent show? A berry that can really cherry a tune.
How do you get a farm girl to marry you?
First, a tractor.
What does DNA stand for? National Dyslexics Association.
In later years was the Great One in decline? Yes he was on the Wayne.
Some local engineers took a train for a service, but the vicar said it was blocking the aisle.
A train track and a motorway walk into a bar. The train track says “a pint for me, please, and one for the road.”
There's a basic difference between weather and climate: you can't weather a tree, but you can definitely climate.
Who is the superhero who loves to have soup all the time? Souper-man.
What do fish and women have in common? They both stop shaking their tale after you catch them!
What did the boyfriend mouse say too the girlfriend mouse family? Mice too meet you.
My wife got mad at me for playing catch with my son in the backyard
... I didn’t see the big deal until I dropped him.
Thankfully, not too many thieves are interested in acting on stage. They'd surely steal the show.
What did the mouse say when his friend broke his front teeth?
Hard cheese!
My grandparents disowned me after I joined the trades as a brick-layer.
They eventually reconciled after I got a promotion, but still consider me as a meh-son.
I was watching a movie when the screen started to emit blue light. Guess this is one of the cons of watching movies on Blue Ray.
What does a bee use to brush it's hair ?
A Honeycomb.
I just dropped my phone in the bath
Now it's syncing.
What is a rabbit’s favorite dance style? Hip-Hop!
The government is planning to ban articles about ironing appliances in the newspaper.
The freedom of press is no more.
What do you call a martial artist who injured his leg?
Bruised Knee.
Why can’t a legless skeleton win an argument?
They don’t have a leg to stand on.
How did the cutlery greet the steak?
Knife to meat you!
If trees could kill you, they wood.
I beacha miss summer already!
Why couldn’t the submarine commander get to the surface after joining Reddit?
He couldn’t get any up-boats
“Is this the Spanish word for ‘nap’?” She asked, pointing to a word on the page.
“Si, está.”
I heard there are some fires near Greece
We’re gonna need a lot of baking soda.
What do you call a silly werewolf in Australia ?
A dingo-ling
What’s a dog’s favorite breakfast?
Woofles.
Who said that the pyramids are the tallest structure in Egypt? They are just between pyra-highs and pyra-lows.
What do you say to comfort a grammar teacher?
They’re, there, their.
Birch, please.
Like a pro wrestler in a headlock, I’m indulging in a little Sham pain.
While the blues musician performed his most famous song, balloons of every color were released in the arena. Guess we may get to call it the 'House of Hues'.
Good gourd, pumpkin spice latte season is officially here.
If you were in the jungle, and a gorilla charged you, what should you do?
Pay him.
What do you get when two giraffes run into each other?
A giraffic jam.
What is the opposite of Chocolate? Chocoearly.