How many middle-hitters do you need to screw in a light bulb? Only one, but the the setter has to put it perfectly in their hand first.
Why did the volleyball player not want to travel? Because he had been there and dug that.
How do Japanese chihuahuas say hello?
Konnichihuahua.
Why did the Beatles stop inviting Ringo to Thanksgiving?
Because he wouldn't share the drumsticks.
I've started a new band called "Blanket".
We're a cover band
Whats The Most tiniest Virus Ever? "smallpox".
What is the coldest type of horse?
A freezian.
Beat funny horse puns
What’s a horse’s favorite makeup brand?
Neighhhbelline.
The daddy strawberry got the job to perform at the circus because he was a berry straw-ng man.
Why did the penguin enter the theatre?
He wanted to go into snow business
Did you hear about the pear that fell off of the tree and fell to its death?
The damage was irreparable.
Why did the slice of bread leave her boyfriend? She thought that he was just too knead-y.
I have a serious love-heat relationship with summer.
Why did the bunny cross the road? He wanted to prove he could hip hop!
What kind of turkey grows on a tree? Poultry.
What's the difference between a BMW and a Cactus?
Pricks are on the outside of Cactuses.
Which baseball player makes the best pancakes?
The batter.
The painter did not want to sit idle because he knew that time white for no one.
The anti-vax basketball team lost every game this season
Apparently they never take any shots.
Why did the fork feel kinky near the spoon?
Because it was a tease spoon.
How do bats line up in school?
In alpha-bat-ical order.
I got lost in the mist today.
I didn’t have the foggiest idea where I was.
What does a baby volcano say to his volcano mother?
Magma
Do you know what firemen often add to their soup? – They add firecrackers.
What do donuts think about donut puns? They donut like them!
"You can't beat me."
I got fired from the bomb disposal squad
Too bad, I had a blast working there.
Why won’t the mushroom buy a couch? - He prefers toadstools.
Within the labyrinthine bureaucracy prowls the deadly Adminotaur.
I accidently sprayed deoderant in my mouth
Now every time I speak I have a weird Axe Scent.
Where do penguins go to the movies?
At the dive-in!
"Read between the wines."
Why do girl ghosts go on diets? So they can keep their ghoulish figures.
I tried to make my own condiments but, the recipes change so fast, it's hard to ketchup.
Autumn brings re-leaf from the heat.
You’re unbeleafable.
What do you call someone who only eats tiny bits of other people?
A cannibble.
Why did the confused gnome decide to see a shrink?
Because he had low elf-esteem.
What do whales do when they get angry?
They blow up and then let off steam.
And the collective nouns go: a murder of crows, a herd of cows, a migraine of children.
What do you call a shrimp hit by a car?
Road krill.
My brother gave me whole milk, but I can only have nut milk with my cereal. How dairy!
I don’t know who became more famous, Sir Francis Bacon or his son
Chris P. Bacon
Did you hear about the medieval kinghunter?
He excelled in throne weapons
Don't worry, bee happy!
Who's the most popular kitchen appliance?
The freezer, he's really cool
What is a dog’s favorite book?
Harry Paw-ter and the Sorcerer’s Bone.
Where do all the cool mice live? In their mousepads.
The owner of the inside inn was inside his inside inn with his inside outside his inside inn.
I was trying to reshape the border of my backyard when my neighbors' fence fell over...
Wrong post.
A fairy appears in front of an old man.
"For the good things you've done in your life, I grant you three wishes!"
The old man squints and asks: "Can you speak up a bit? My hearing isn't the best anymore..."
The fairy replies: "SURE! YOU HAVE TWO WISHES!"