Where do Astronauts go to the bathroom?
Where no one has gone before.
What do you call an alligator that makes others fight?
An instigator.
For my wife's birthday, I bought her some beads for her abacus
It's the little things that count.
Have you guys tried kangaroo beer?
It’s a little hoppy.
What is a ghoul’s favorite snack food?
Ghoul scout cookies!
What did the light bulb say to the generator? ‘I really get a charge out of you!”
Why did Wonder Woman rescue the Wine?
Because that's what grape lady superheroes do!
What did the vegetable say at the party?
Lettuce turnip the beet!
My son elbowed me in the mouth during a tickle fight
But that's ok. It was acci-dental.
What’s a horse’s favorite dance move?
Watch me whip, now watch me neigh neigh.
So apparently coles has a new thing where you can only have one salad per transaction
They’re calling it coleslaw..
I'd catalog you with the cookbooks because you look delicious.
What do you call a yeti with a sixpack?
The abdominable snowman.
What do you get when you dip a kitten in chocolate?
A Kitty Kat bar.
Why did you fall in love with the Paris art museum? It was just Louvre at first site.
My brother has been riding a bicycle since he was 4 years old
Damn he must be very far away by now
Fancy a climb? Mount me in.
Why don’t anteaters get sick?
Because they’re full of antibodies.
Did you hear about the bread party? It’s scone be a lot of fun, and wheat love for you to join us.
The only thing I got for my wife on her birthday was a big helium balloon.
It didn’t go down very well.
Why can't mermaids use the letters A or B?
They only know what's below C level.
Elephant boxing matches are very difficult to watch. It becomes tough to identify as both have grey trunks!
Do scientists who study the sun have a flare for research?
What do you get when you cross a bee and a sheep?
A bah-humbug.
What do you call fake oranges?
“Pulp Fiction”
What do you call a dog with a fever? A hot dog.
What do you call a toddler running towards their mother with arms high up in the air?
A quick pick-me-up.
Ireland is pitcher perfect.
Why did the Gorilla fail its exam? He didn't have the ape-titude.
Mom: *Struggling to make a decision between 1% or 2%.
Dad: Milk up your mind!
What is the favorite color of onions all around the world? Their favorite color is the o-neon.
What do you call a greedy ant?
An anteater.
What’s another popular Christmas song that baby koalas like to sing? “Joey to the World”, of course!
What do you call it when Dr. Frankenstein makes tea?
A monstrositea.
Did you get to hear his new collection of wolf puns? They are howl-arious, absolutely rib cracking.
Why couldn’t the orange dance in the talent show without his partner?
Because it takes two to “tang-o.”
What kind of car does Yogi bear drive?
A Furrari.
As I am walking towards my classroom, I get to know that my miss-is-sippi-ng my glass of water.
Why are parrots the life of the party? Every day is their bird-day!
What did the LEFT Stereo Speaker say to the RIGHT, as he was being taken away for repairs
AUDIOS!
Don't use the word "EGG" for your password...
It's very easily cracked.
What kind of tea did the American colonists want? Liberty.
You should dress up warm in the Andes. That place is Chile.
Did you hear about the flatmate who woke up to a spicy toothbrush? He had it cumin.
I asked the librarian for the new book on erectile dysfunction.
She typed on her keyboard and said "It's not coming up!"
I said "Yeah, that's the one!!"
My wife looked at me and said “You think you’re pretty sharp, don’t you?”
What do you call a sarcastic mermaid?
A sigh-ren.
It takes one to snow one.
I've just thought of a really funny owl joke, but I can't use it until 2/8/20.
What do you call a benzene ring where the iron atoms replacing all of the carbon atoms?
A ferrous wheel.