Which kind of jokes do gnomes like to tell?
Elf-deprecating puns.
What happened when the orange broke out of prison?
All heck broke juice.
The strawberry was scared of the cream. They were afraid it had gone bad.
Green is the most relaxed color in the rainbow, it's so jade back.
Where do the monkeys melt their cheese?
Under the gorilla.
What would you call someone who cheats others while selling milk? A skim artist.
You have two cows, but only milk one. Your friend asks you…
"What about the udder one?"
Why are artists so temperamental? They have to get into the right frame of mind.
Cutest clover in the patch.
Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers?
He will stop at nothing to avoid them.
What is better than a physics joke?
A meta physics joke.
What happened when the zombie refused to pay its ticket from the police?
It was facing grave consequences.
I wasn’t sure if I ordered enough tacos from Taco Bell.
So I got a just in quesadilla.
Where do fish sleep? In the riverbed.
How does the tooth fairy survive a hurricane? She braces for it.
What sign was posted in the witches' parking lot?
Violators will be toad.
One day, a young weasel went to the bar. The bartender took one look at him and says, “You are under-aged. I can’t serve you beer.” The weasel asks, “What can I have?”
The bartender replies, “I have bottled water, juice, energy drinks, and pop.”
“Pop!” goes the weasel.
I tried finding the dairy factory last night, but I had no luck. I must have lost my whey.
What kind of candy bar does an employee crave before the weekend? A Payday
What do you call a large colorful pile of leaves?
The Great Barrier Leaf.
Anybody who can complete tasks atop the surface of their lower kitchen cabinets is...
counter productive.
How do you circumcise a whale?
You send down four skin divers.
What’s a llama’s favorite movie?
Alpacalypse Now.
Do you know why does your mother often shave a peach when cooking? Because she only needs nectarines for the recipe.
Many people think that when warm droplets of water in the air are rapidly cooled it forms fog.
But it’s actually a common mist-conception.
What did the farmer yell out when ducks invaded his dairy farm? Cheese and crackers!
What do a great hitter and a boxer have in common?
Both are serious sluggers.
What is the result of an art competition? A draw.
How can you tell the difference between a monster and a banana? Try picking it up. If you can't, it's either a monster or a giant banana.
How did Reese eat her ice cream? Witherspoon.
What do you call a medieval dentist?
A plaque doctor.
Did you know cutlery scams require the most patience?
You've got to play the long prong.
For years, my brother wanted to be an archeologist...
But ten years in, his career lies in ruins.
For my birthday, my kids got me an alarm clock that swears at you instead of beeping.
That was quite a rude awakening.
What did they Turkey say to the blade of grass? Nice knawing you!
Some say that puns aren't very funny, while others take them very seriously...
I guess the one thing we can all agree on is that puns are no joke.
If a crocodile makes shoes, what does a banana make ? Slippers
Why are frogs good at baseball?
Because they catch a lot of fly balls.
What is the name of the final exam you take when studying bird law? The crow bar.
How can you spot a fashionista donut?
They’re into all the latest glazes.
She sells seashells by the seashore.
Why couldn’t the string quartet find their composer?
He was Haydn.
What did Train say when they visited a sibling in South Korea?
Hey, Seoul Sister!
What do cows do when they’re introduced?
They give each other a milk shake.
I thought the play was frightful but I saw it under particularly unfortunate circumstances - the curtain was up.
Which birds go to church a lot?
Birds of pray.
What do you call a divorce but for bananas?
Banana split!
Did you know Teslas don't have that new car smell?
They have more of an Elon Musk.
Went to a railway fancy dress party. Everyone was wearing platforms.
What did the nervous crow do? The crow proceeded with caw-tion.