How about the stylish female crocodile, she's every inch a frock-o-dile.
When hydrogen got arrested they told him he had one phone call.
He replied: "Call who? I don't have a family!"
Who's a witch's favorite movie director?
Steven Spellberg.
Rebel without a Claus.
Which baseball player makes the best pancakes?
The batter.
What did the arsonist do on Valentine's day?
He met his match.
How did Henry VIII like his coffee? Decap.
Do you know what the favourite soup of a ghost is? It is the Scream of Broccoli.
I once dreamt of crossing a wide river...
But it ended up being just a ferry tale.
When do they smother a burrito in cheese? In best queso scenario.
How rare is an excellent father?
Legen-daddy
What do you call a sheep covered in chocolate?
A candy baa.
Dialysis is a blood bath.
What do you call a 2D fairy?
Pixie-lated.
Why do dogs hate computers?
They can’t stick their heads out of those Windows.
Astronaut 1: I can't find any milk for my coffee.
Astronaut 2: In space, no one can. Here, use cream.
The troll told his girlfriend that he was head ogre heels for her.
One day, my stepfather ordered some fish tacos. I asked him what kind of fish goes in a fish taco.
He said, "Dead."
When you cross a wolf and a monkey, you end up with a howler monkey.
Did you hear about the gnome city that doesn’t let humans through the gates? They call it Gno-man’s-land.
Where do Santa Claus and his deers stop to have a coffee at Christmas?
“Star – Bucks!”
The weather outside is snow joke.
What is the same shape and size as a sequoia tree, but weighs nothing at all? The tree’s shadow.
I don't know what Dracula's address is, but I'm pretty sure he lives on a dead end street.
How did Salvador Dali like to start his mornings? With a bowl of Surreal and milk.
Did you hear about the man chopping an onion with the Grim Reaper?
He was dicing with death
What did the rock say after it rolled into a tree? Nothing because rocks can’t talk.
You’re brew-tiful!
Why do blues musicians tour the most in the summer? So they can visit all their kids.
The farmer called his prize cow a bull-dozer because she was always sound asleep in the fields.
My wife said she saved $5 by not taking a bus and walking home
I said, you could've saved a $20 by not taking a cab instead
What did the pineapple say to the pineapple chunk? Stay golden.
What kind of candy makes fun of you? Tootsie Trolls.
A berry from which you can directly drink out of is a straw-berry.
What do you call a cold crocodile in winter? A refrigerator.
Why did the belt get arrested? Because he held up a pair of pants. What do prisoners use to call each other? Cell phones.
Which is the coolest football team in Italy?
AC Milan.
What’s the best part of a cow? The topside, of course.
If you're wondering if someone's become a vampire, there's an easy way to tell. A true vampire is always coffin.
Why did the girl put lipstick on her forehead?
She needed to makeup her mind!
What is ice cream’s favorite day of the week?
Sundae.
Everyone needs to eat bread because loaf is what makes the world go round. Loaf truly is.
Take a vampire to a bar, and you don't need to ask what he wants to drink. He'll have a Bloodweiser.
Daughter: I think I'm going to put my hair in a bun tomorrow.
Dad: We're all out. You'll have to use bread.
When do mummies eat breakfast?
Once they catch you.
And what should every barista say to their customers? Have a brew-tiful day.
Why did Immanuel Kant lend his machine gun to forces plotting a military coup?
Because he willed that his Maxim could make a general rule.
What kind of donuts fly? Plain ones!
I have bean thinking about you.
What do you do when a pickle wants to play cards?
Dill'em in.