What kind of dog did Frankenstein want for Christmas?
A lab.
What is the definition of art theft? A: The haul of frames.
The reason you will see all the cows lie down when it starts to rain is because they want to keep each
udder dry.
What was the turkey suspected of? Fowl play.
You can catch a lot of flies with honey
But you'll catch more honeys being fly.
How do volleyball players deliver their messages? Through Air Mail.
I was straining some old noodles but eventually, I chickened out. It was such a broth-er.
What did the conifer say when he finally got alone with his crush? It’s just yew and me, baby.
Never take a flamingo to the local swimming baths. They really don’t like claw-rine.
Why did the pianist have to be rushed into surgery after his latest performance?
He played his heart out.
I want an almond flavoured biscuit. Amaretti? You bet I am.
You should call us butter because we are on a roll. This would be one of the best volleyball puns to put on a T-shirt.
Hey summer, long time no sea!
Cherries are the worst soft fruits to watch scary movies with. They spend the whole time hiding behind a cushion as they are cherrified.
A fruit was madly in love, it was peachy–keen.
I saw some leprechauns putting coins in the vending machine but in vain. They were using lepre-coins.
Where does the Japanese mafia take a bath?
In a yakuzzi.
What do you call a blood vessel that's mad with power?
A Megalovieniac.
Q: Why is there so much wind inside a sports arena?
A: Because of all the fans.
My son just tried to tell me a joke about pumpkins.
Oh, gourd, was it awful.
How many gnomes does it take to change a lightbulb?
It takes a village!
Why did the turkey cross the road? To prove to the possum that it could be done!
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I wanted to marry my English teacher when she got out of jail.
But apparently, you're not allowed to end a sentence with a proposition.
What do you call a glass of pig’s blood?
Swine.
What did the paprika tell the salt around Christmas?
Seasonings greetings.
I hate to Gauguin, but I have to catch my flight.
What Christmas carol do they sing in the desert? O' Camel ye faithful.
How can a bear catch fish without a pole?
They use their bear hands.
I was asked who my favorite vampire was. I said it was the Muppet from Sesame Street.
They said, he doesn't count!
I replied, "I can assure you, he does!"
I’ll try to keep it brief, but I have so much to Marseilles about France.
Why is Cinderella bad at football?
Because she’s always running away from the ball.
The cawllarborne of the skinny crow was so pronounced.
What’s a vampire’s favorite type of dog?
A blood hound.
I could have been an astronaut...
but my parents told me the sky was the limit.
What did the Cat burglar say when he was caught stealing from a French art museum?
I did it for the Monet.
When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.
What’s an apple’s favorite movie? Mr and Mr Smith.
I saw a lady riding a camel and being pulled by a truck... It was a camel tow
I started making lamps in the shape of the alphabet.
After the first three, it was a D-light.
Did you hear ISIS is spreading to Italy?
Nobody's concerned though, since it's just Italian ISIS and they're delicious. Especially cherry flavor.
My dog recently joined a gang. Now he’s all about that pug-life.
What happens when you rub two oranges together?
You get Pulp Friction.
Bee warned.
Bee puns really sting.
What is a bird that flies over a football field called?
A fieldgull.
What was stolen from the music store? The lute.
What is a vector’s favorite band? One Direction!
Welcome to plastic surgery addicts anonymous.
I see a few new faces here this week and I must say I am very disappointed.
Which cranial nerve would be right at home in a well-known city in Nevada?
The vagus nerve.
I have the final sleigh.
Warning! Do not look at the sun through a colander.
You'll strain your eyes.