My physics teacher asked, “So why is v-naught 0?”
I replied, “y-naught?”
How did the hammerhead do on his test?
He nailed it.
Why did the rude unicorn not say hello to the other? Because while the pace (face) was familiar, he
just couldn’t remember the mane (name).
Why did the teacher use the evolution of Thor in viking mythology to teach both literature and Northern European history in her class?
She wanted to demonstrate using a Meta-Thor.
Why are frogs good at baseball?
Because they catch a lot of fly balls.
What is a skeleton's favorite musical instrument?
The xylobone.
While rainbows must be many colors, they should always stay blue to themselves.
My wife, whilst trying to brush my son's hair, told him he was having a bad hair day.
My son replied, "Oh, is it being knotty?"
What did the thrifty man say when he got his phone bill? "Who says talk is cheap?"
Last time I was in France I wanted to ask a question about strawberries
But I wasn't sure how to fraise it.
Tesla just announced they’ll be including a bottle of their new cologne now with every car sold
It’s called Elon’s Musk
Where did the Romans go to rent their vehicles?
Herculease.
Shell yeah.
What words do windmills live by? One good turn deserves another!
What's the best hairstyle for a gun?
Bangs.
"Can you help me get this pots and pans drawer in order? Something seems stuck here", My wife said one morning.
To which I said, "Sure honey, I hope this pans out"
How do you save a drowning otter? Take your foot of its head
What’s a kangaroo’s favorite game?
Jump rope.
What did the train conductor say to the kangaroo?
“Hop on!”
Which trophy has the most glitz? The Lady Bling.
Why are volleyball players always so blameless? They always pass the blame and try to avoid faults.
What do you call a dentist who doesn't like tea? Denis.
Apparently adding a fireplace to your home is the hot new trend...
...and chimney installations are through the roof!
Why was the dog chasing his own tail?
Because he was trying to make both ends meet.
How do you move a piece of furniture at the weather station?
With four casters.
I was gonna make a river joke, but I don't think it's current.
You’re unbeleafable.
Ignore your mother's bad joke, son...
It's a faux pa.
Why was the square dance fiddler arrested for smuggling?
Because of his contra band...
What is yellow and goes bzzzzzz? An electric banana.
Let’s list the froze and cons.
“Someone’s barking up the wrong Christmas tree.”
"I would make a skeleton joke, but you wouldn't find it very
humerus."
I heard the history teacher got into a fight with the math teacher
He did a real good number in him.
How do you know if you're a bad gardener?
All the rocks in your garden went belly up!
What is the funniest fish in the sea?
A clownfish.
The pirate steals arrrrt when he has the chance.
What do you call a flying cheese?
A curd of prey.
What sound does it make when an ogre eats a witch for breakfast?
Snap cackle n' pop
What do you call a lamb covered in chocolate? A Candy Baa. Did you hear about the love affair between Mr. Goodbar and Peppermint Patty? They had a baby, Ruth.
My neighbors are listening to great music.
Whether they like it or not.
Two candies had a beautiful wedding. They were truly mint to be
How do you make a bandstand?
Take away their chairs.
Why was the white wine's off-beat pun so boo-ed?
Because it was too corky.
You heard about the Spanish woman that is now a man?
He’s called Senor Rita.
I tried calling my fruit friend thrice, but could not peach him, as his phone was out of peach.
Thanks to you, I’m saddled with unnecessary peelings.
What is the highest compliment a zombie can receive?
- Wow, you're in Grave condition!
Why do zebras have stripes?
Because they don't want to be spotted.
What blood type does a pessimist have?
B Negative