I gave my heart to a girl from Great Britain.
She turns around and Brexit into a million pieces.
You octopi my thoughts.
What kind of cake do you get at a cafeteria?
A stomach-cake!
- Do old zombie actors ever die?
- Yes, they sometimes drop a part.
What do you get if you cross a cat with a parrot? A carrot!
Why didn’t the skeleton laugh at the joke?
Because he didn’t have a funny bone.
What did the baby corn call his dad?
Pop corn!
I saw an ad for burial plots, and I thought: “That’s the last thing I need!”
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Accordion
Accordion who?
Accordion to the forecast, it's going to rain tonight.
Which ancient Greek Philosopher had a foot fetish?
Play-toe.
Or was it Sock-rates?
What do you call a kid who doesn't believe in Santa? A rebel without a Claus.
What do you get when you cross a werewolf and a hyena?
A monster with a sense of humor.
Who is a Penguin’s favorite pop star?
Seal.
What did the mushroom request when booking his hotel? A shroom with a view, please!
What’s the biggest danger of building a snow dog?
Frostbite!
What do you give a sick penguin?
Tweetment.
Where do owls go on their honeymoon?
Their love nest.
Keep Your Friends Close, Your Utility Keys Closer.
What was wrong with the deer’s smile?
He had buck teeth.
This hottie has forever changed the film industry, and it starts with the letter P and ends with 'orn'. Reel your mind back in - we're talking popcorn!
Be careful! Theres a deadly fruit on the loose
He has 7 charges of armed Strawbbery.
What do skeletons complain about?
Aching bones.
Do you know what a beavers' favorite snack is? Wood chips.
What do Mexicans wear on their heads in the pool?
Swimbreros.
I’m never board when I’m at the pool.
Did you hear about the crab that went to the seafood disco? He pulled a muscle
What did the flirty coat say to the jacket?
"Do you hang here often?"
What did the teacher say when he sent the naughty student out of the (mush)room? - You’re in big truffle young man!
I love making new friends.
That’s why I studied under Dr. Frankenstein.
What did the flower say to the flower next to him? Move over bud!
What punishment do legs get in the medieval era?
decapita-shin
What did the skeleton say to his girlfriend?
- Will you marrow me?
What does Miley Cyrus eat at Christmas? Twerk-ey!
I was struggling to find out how lightning works. And then it struck me.
Where does fog go to the bathroom?
Anywhere it wants.
Have you seen the gators on skateboards, they are great alli-skaters.
I only have ice for you!
My friend explained how powerful (yet invisible) farts work via demonstration.
I was blown away by his transparency.
What do you get when you cross a banker with a fish?
A loan shark
What do you call a food stamp inside of a burrito? An otter fortune cookie
Why didn’t one skeleton want to look at the other skeleton?
He didn’t have the stomach for it.
This kind of wine does not go right through you. Trust me, you will pee no noir.
Do You Know How Crabs Get Around On Land?
They Use The Sidewalk!
I whale always love you.
I ran out of deodorant.
I guess I'll go online and odor some more.
What does a couch say to another couch at the other side of the room?
We are sofa apart!
The guy nearly saw a murder when he almost ran over his car over a couple of crows.
What‘s an Italian’s favorite tea?
Spagettea!
Who would win in a fight between a kangaroo and a zebra?
The zebra. Because he has so many black belts.
What did the banana do when he saw a monkey? The banana split!