The librarian is kicked off the aeroplane because it has already been overbooked.
Driving a truck carrying cutlery is easy – as soon as you see the fork in the road, you know you’re there.
What do dolphins need to stay healthy?
Vitamin Sea!
I never count my chickens before they're hatched.
Because they're eggs.
What's better than a talking dinosaur ? A spelling bee. What do you call a dinosaur that never gives up? Try-Try-Try-ceratops.
Blue and green stopped fighting because they had agreed on peace teal.
A wise saying among werewolves: Chasing your tail will not make ends meet.
What did the Little Mermaid say to Triton before she left?
- If you need me, call me on my shell.
My doctor forgot to document my blood type.
It was a typo.
What do you get if you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter?
Pumpkin Pi.
Which car do sheep drive?
Su-baa-ru.
Q: What do you call a gust of wind full of sand?
A: A rough draft
What problem do you encounter with twin witches?
You can never tell which is witch.
A beaver told a joke about a waterfall. It was a pour joke.
How do you catch a monkey?
Climb a tree and act like a banana.
One of the punny pig names for a pig that loves Shakespeare is Hamlet.
I wrote a song about a tortilla. Well actually, it’s more of a wrap.
Why did the dyslexic elf get fired?
He kept writing "From Satan" on children's New Year presents.
The scientist was meticulous about his strawberry pies. He rounded up the protein content of his pie at 3.14.
Why don't some couples go to the gym?
Because some relationships don't work out.
Why does it take a while before a peach leaves a fruit basket? They have to give a goodbye peach first.
There was news of a snowstorm. It arrived white on time.
I boiled a funny bone once.
It turned into a laughing stock.
Did you hear about the Spanish ocean?
Si.
What do you call a thirsty camel ?
A dry humper.
Gnomes don’t understand jokes, they go right over their heads.
Which rangy centre could cover the whole ice? Jean Umbrelliveau.
I’m so lepre-gone right now.
Where do werewolves hate shopping?
The flea market.
What did the boss pig say to the pig worker for not working fast enough? “chop chop slow pork”.
What penalty in hockey uses the most amount of energy?
A power play.
What do you call a dinosaur that got stuck in the rain?
A driplodocus.
The healthy soup recipe was suggested to us by the nutritionist. It soup-erseded the old unhealthy creamy soup we used to have for dinner.
That raven is so stubborn at times, he just needs to crow up.
The scariest day of my life was when we ran into a bear taking a dump inside our campsite.
That sh** was in
Did you hear the joke about the roof? I doubt you’d get it. It’s over your head.
What do you call a baby owl stuck in the rain?
A moist owlette.
What do you call a funny bone?
A humerus.
The tiger came went to the salon. Now, other animals of the jungle call him 'Shaved Khan.'
Jack has a large neck so he decided to wear a bowtie to his wedding. Otherwise, he’d end up with a tiebreak.
What do chickens serve at birthday parties?
Coop-cakes!
If I made werewolf puns, they would be howl-arious.
What do you call a singing laptop? A Dell.
What’s a shark favorite substance?
Reefer.
What do you call a small mother in the UK?
Minimum
What do you call a dog that’s been left outside in the cold?
A chili dog.
What is good at maths and related to a crocodile?
A calcu-gator
"And this is the amputation wing of the hospital. It used to be a lot bigger."
Why do people say "hit the showers"
What did the showers ever do to you?
What is the chemical formula for the molecules in candy? Carbon-Holmium-Cobalt-Lanthanum-Tellurium or CHoCoLaTe