What do you call a sleeping werewolf?
An unaware-wolf.
How to stop a dog from digging in a garden?
Start right! Never let the dog see you digging... Doggy see doggy do.
The forecast said that we’re in for a hot summer; better make sure I watermelon everyday or else the yard will dry up.
What does a drunkard's mouth and a shirt have in common?
They are both 100% cotton.
How many astronomers will it take to just change a lightbulb? None, they like the dark.
It’s raining cats and dogs outside.
I think I just stepped in a poodle.
A friend of mine has a mobile phone shaped like an Italian dumpling. It's a gnocchia.
What's a werewolf healed from Lycanthropy?
Over the moon.
What's long, surprisingly bigger than expected, comes in different colors, and everyone wants a ride from?
A limousine.
What did Dr. Frankenstein say when Pinocchio’s nose grew?
IT’S A LIEEEEE!!
Why was everyone shocked when the fruit fly's girlfriend agreed to marry him?
Because the pair had only ever been on rotten dates.
What did the plate say to the fork? Lunch is on me.
Looking for a boyfriend in engineering: the odds are good, but the goods are odd.
My dog takes so long to get ready. He can never chews what to wear.
What’s green and mean and stabs you when you hug it?
Cactus
Vampires can always Count on Dracula.
What’s the great white shark’s favorite candy?
Jaw-Breakers.
Did you hear about the boy that went missing in the hospital?
Turns out he was just playing peek-a-boo ICU
Dung beetle walks into a bar....
"Is this stool taken?"
Is a mountain goat a hillbilly?
What does the Ghost say when he sneezes? - Ach-ooooooooooooooooooooo!
What's a ghost's favorite makeup to wear? Mas-scare-a!
What did the fruit lover say after he met a girl?
I’ve got a date
Why is it easy to spot a Cinderella-fish? They have glass flippers!
What do you call a Spanish football player with no legs?
Gracias.
What did the judge say when a skunk walked into the courtroom?
"Odor in the court!"
What's a pun's favorite love song?
"My Punny Valentine!"
What do yuppie sharks like to drink?
Jaw-va.
Real weird rear wheels, real weird rear wheels, real weird rear wheels.
Why did the hen lay her egg on the axe?
She wanted to hatchet.
What type of mushrooms can you put on a jacket? Button mushrooms.
What are pigs celebrating when they celebrate their birthday? The day they were boar-n.
What did the watermelon wife say to his stinky husband? You’ve got a strange smelon you today.
When I was in basic training we couldn't have salt or pepper.
Those were reserved for the seasoned veterans.
What’s the worst thing about broken elevator puns? They’re not very uplifting.
What do you call a snake that builds things?
A boa constructor.
What do you get when your dog jumps into the fire pit? A hot dog.
If you search for pictures of corn on Google you'll only get stalk pictures.
I don't have a "Dad Bod"
I have a father figure.
Why does the superhero shred his cheese?
For the grater good.
Why did the troll go running?
To keep up with you!
What did the clean DNA say to the dirty DNA?
Hygiene!
What did the vegetables say to the Salad Dressing? Lettuce all smile.
Did you know Davy Crockett had three ears?
A left ear, a right ear, and a wild frontier.
What kind of money snowmen use in the North Pole?
Cold cash!
Wanna hear a joke about Vikings?
Never mind, there's Norway you'd laugh at it.
Did you know knights are known for wearing dishware?
Thats why they call it plate armor.
What did the baby mouse do when she saw a bat?
She ran home and told her mother she saw an angel
I just got my degree in Sky Diving.
I had to drop out to graduate.
If you photograph your pimples, is zit art?