What is the healthiest fruit?
“An orange. It takes Vitamin See!”
How do deer clean their feet?
Hoof paste.
What is the biggest type of bed ?
The sea bed.
If you are what you eat, does that mean all squirrels are nuts?
You don't know jack-o-lantern
Have you ever tried crossing a lion with a flamingo? It will be pink, that’s the mane thing.
I thought I'd have some evaporated milk on my pudding. But when I opened it, it was empty.
What did the boy volcano say to the girl volcano?
I really lava you!
I was holding a bottle of laundry detergent when all of a sudden it exploded, completely drenching my hands.
Oh well. I guess my hands are Tide.
I'd want to know why the winters are so cold in America. I think Alaska local.
Q: What video games do fruits play?
A: Peach ball.
Why did the bicycle go to bed early?
Because it was two-tyred
I ran out of deodorant.
I guess I'll go online and odor some more.
What's the difference between chemistry and cooking
In chemistry you should never lick the spoon.
I left my job at the keyboard factory today. To be honest, I had been looking for an Escape for a while.
Why did the bus stop in the middle of the street? It saw a zebra crossing.
What do you call a hippie's wife?
A Mississippi.
Whenever I’m in France I always start the day with a bowl of mushrooms...
Breakfast of champinions
How many tickles does it take to make a squid laugh?
Ten-tickles!
How do you catch a unique tiger?
Unique up on it.
How do you catch a tame tiger?
Tame way.
I would love climbing to the peak of Mount Everest, but I do not see the point.
When it comes to board games about buying real estate, Hasbro has a monopoly…
Why did the horny duck circle the baseball field?
She hoped to catch some fowl balls.
Why did the burglar steal a bath? He wanted to make a clean getaway.
I gave my wife a lamp for our anniversary.
Someone’s getting LED tonight.
What does a winged horse drink from at a party?
A keg-asus.
Talking at the local chocolate factory is frowned on. When I’m there, I need to wispa.
I saw a beaver and I thought it was odd. Then I saw another semiaquatic creature and I thought it was otter.
What's it called when a buffalo turns two hundred years old?
A Bisontennial!
What does a Muslim Viking say at the movie theater?
Valhalla Snackbar!
What do you call a deer that feeds on the blood of others?
Vlad the impala.
"Do you play the trom-bone?"
Why did the police arrest the turkey? They suspected it of fowl play
What's the key to a great Thanksgiving dinner? The turKEY
What do you call a snowman in July?
A puddle.
Why did the hummus blush?
Because it saw a chickpea!
What do you call a strong pumpkin?
A Jacked-o-Lantern.
What do you call a dog with a fever? A hot dog.
What is it called when a snowman has a temper tantrum?
A meltdown!
What did the tortilla chip say to the guacamole?
“You are all I avo wanted.”
It is said that crows and owls are in caw-hoots.
Who tells the best egg jokes?
Comedi-hens.
I lost my job at the bank on my very first day. A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
What does a spy do in the rain?
He goes undercover.
What do you call a dog that likes to dig up bones?
A barkeologist.
Why did the computer wear glasses?
To improve its web sight.
Q: How do you make a blueberry?
A: You strangle a pea.
I really like corn, but I can't find it because this time of year it's never in stalk
What do you get when you dump your Easter eggs on a hill?
A spring roll!
Did you hear about the salad race the other day?
The Lettuce was ahead, but the Tomato was ketchoping up...
I told the other alligator to stay outside, he cai-man anyway.