What do Chinese bears wear over their faces when they’re robbing banks?
Pandanas!
Evolution is so strange. Dolphins started off as sea creatures, then evolved to have legs, only to eventually return to the sea and lose them.
Kinda defeets the porpoise, don't you think?
Why was the bread actor so unhappy?
She lost out on a juicy roll.
Did you hear that cats have carried out a Coup in Barcelona and declared independence from Spain?
They're calling themselves the Republic of Catalo-nya.
What happens when two frogs collide?
They get tongue tied.
I was walking down an alley in Scotland when I found a severed man's hand...
I wonder if he was kilt.
Dark-colored huskies found in Colorado can also be termed as dusky huskies!
Why does the fairy kingdom smell so awful?
Because of all the toad stools.
What’s a goat’s favorite TV show?
America’s Goat Talent.
A giant fly has attacked the local police...
Police have called the SWAT team.
What do you call for injured ants?
The ant-bulance.
Scientist are shocked after discovery of a new african bee species that can keep on flying even after their heart stops.
Local tribes in fear of a zombee apocalypse
I went to an XXX Girls Show in Rome
There were just 30 girls...
My friend’s parrot lost his beak in a fan accident and he wanted to find a prosthetic. I sent him to my Uncle Tony.
He fits the bill.
What do you call a Swedish cycling group?
Viking Biking
I thought I saw some fog yesterday.
But I guess my memory’s a little cloudy.
I saw a pun on chocolate bars but it wasn’t that fun
So I just snickered.
Exasperated, I threw my hands up in the air and shouted at my wife, "I'm not a complete idiot!" She smiled at me and purred, "I know honey."
"Some parts are missing."
What do people with ambition drink? Loft-Tea.
All the chairs in my town were stolen
The people can’t stand it.
I have some extra chairs in my garage for emergency seat-uations.
What do you get when you cross a dog and a frog?
A Croaker Spaniel.
What did the bowling pins do?
They went on strike.
Why does Valentine's Day never work in Africa?
All the lion cheetahs.
You cannot get a basketball game fairly officiated in the jungle because cheetahs are all over.
Q. Why was the lady baboon so atrracted to the big gorilla?
A. 'Cause he had s*x ape-peal.
If you were a triangle, you’d be acute one.
What did the unicorn tell the bag of beans? U-no-corn.
I work at an Ink company in Spain. Yesterday I held a Competition about our company’s history. But looks like no one wanted to be a part of the
Spanish Ink Quiz Session.
There’s a hair in my wine. The grapes must have been fur-mented.
I hope you have an absolutely fin-tastic day!
I was conned into believing that my hotel room in Moscow had free Wifi.
I remember the ad saying: Internyet.
Some guy wanted to charge me a bunch of money for a second hand bouncy house.
But I wasn't sure if that was something I really wanted to jump into.
What is the onion that laughs a lot and is small and white in color? It is a tickled onion.
What goes ‘Cackle, cackle, cackle, bonk’?
A witch laughing her head off.
Why should you never go back in time to alter the outcome of a football game?
You’ll be called for past interference!
Two tomatoes went jogging. One trips and falls. The other tomato said, "Grab my Heinz and I'll help you up." Trippy tomato replies, "Nah, you go ahead. I'll ketchup."
What did the girl dinosaur ask her pet dog?
"Do you want some tea, Rex?"
There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest.
He sent in ten different puns hoping at least one of the puns would win but, unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
I asked the bartender for the WiFi password but he told me to buy a drink first. So I ordered a Moscow Mule and asked him again. He handed me a card with the password. It said:
"Buy a drink first" ... no spaces, all lowercase."
Why are tigers said to be religious? Because they frequently prey with all their family members.
I’m stuck on you like igloo.
What's the difference between a high-hit baseball and a maggot's father?
One is a pop fly and the other is a fly pop.
I was not allowed to do my stand up act at the mushroom comedy show. I guess I am not a fungi.
What happened when the koala tripped and fell in a crowded restaurant? He got embearassed.
What do you call a cup of leaf juice that doesn’t want to be a dad?
Absent-tea parent.
Why couldn’t the string quartet find their composer?
He was Haydn.
What do Egyptian Pharaoh's and sandwich filling have in common?
They're both in bread.
If we cross lobster bisque and Elon Musk, what we have is a soup-er car
Where do you smart hot dogs go?… On the honor role.