No one really enjoys crying wolf. However, the boy did cry just to get a howling experience.
A soda can, a gas tank and the Greek god Eros walked into a bar?
The bartender shook his head, “Here comes trouble.” A patron at the bar said, “What’s wrong?” The bartender replied, “Those guys get together and they become cantankeros.”
Which athlete wrote the book, Jumping for Exercize?
Lee Ping.
What do you call a very sad cup of coffee?
A depresso.
How does Italy execute its criminals?
Guidotine.
Q. What do you call an entertaining gorilla eating a banana?
A. Ape peeling.
Why don't aliens get hungry after being blasted into space?
Because they've just had a big launch.
The reason why soccer players are brilliant in math is because they know how to use their heads well.
What do sloths throw in winter? Slowballs.
I like New York, unique New York, I like unique New York.
What do you call a train loaded with bubble gum? A chew-chew train.
How do locomotives hear? Through the engineers!
As a mythologist and head of the household,
My word is lore.
What is a skeleton’s favorite TV show?
Bone-anza!
How do you get holy water? Boil the hell out of it.
I have always had acrophobia, but the plane flight brought it to a new height.
A loyal warrior will rarely worry why we rule.
How did the turkey win the talent show? With his drum-sticks.
What is the chemical formula for the molecules in candy? Carbon-Holmium-Cobalt-Lanthanum-Tellurium or CHoCoLaTe
Wind energy is so popular. It has a lot of fans.
I hope the only things that blow are candles and balloons. Have a great birthday!
I entered an auction on Ebay for a water butt cleaner.
But, I got out-bidet.
I don't mind leg day at the gym.
It's just the two days after that I can't stand.
What do crows drink in order to stay awake? They drink cawfee.
Summer is just floating by.
I gifted my girlfriend a star for her birthday
I think its perfect, she said she needed some space.
Not everyone looks good with a wig
But I think you could really pull it off.
What did the outraged female deer say to the mule?
How deer you!
I tried finding the dairy factory last night, but I had no luck. I must have lost my whey.
The directions for my new dandruff shampoo are very confusing.
It's a real head-scratcher!
Why is it so expensive to run a submarine?
It's the depth charges.
I was named after my dad
Because I couldn’t possibly have been named before him.
Why did the sapling go to the doctor’s office? He was feeling a little green.
What do you call a pickle that got run over on the road?
Road dill.
McDonald’s fired CEO Steve Easterbrook has already got a new job at Old McDonalds farm.
He's their CIEIO.
Shake your shamrocks.
Where do mummies go for a swim? To the Dead Sea.
What's E.T. short for?
Because he's got little legs.
What kind of music do goats listen to?
Baaa-ch!
Mo mi mo me send me a toe,
Me me mo mi get me a mole,
Mo mi mo me send me a toe,
Fe me mo mi get me a mole,
Mister kister feet so sweet,
Mister kister where will I eat !?
Why did Julius Caesar buy crayons?
He wanted to Mark Antony.
I have bean
thinking about you.
Did you hear about the dangerous alcoholic who consumed his booze from a sizzling Chinese frying pan?
He liked to drink risky on the woks
What do Chinese bears eat for breakfast?
Panda-cakes!
The clients who buy from our gardening store are grass-ured that the artificial lawn grass would not lose its color with use.
What's brown, lumpy, and sits on a piano bench?
Beethoven's Last Movement
My Physics teacher said I have no potential.
Joke's on her, I just bought a ladder.
What do you call nomadic gnomes?
Gnomads.
How did the hipster burn his mouth?
He ate his food before it was cool.
I am cocoa-nuts about you.
Pirates used to make a delicious snack for themselves by crossing pate with flowers. They called it “lily livered”.