I used to fear giants.
Now I look up to them.
Whenever I go to a zoo, I only ever see dogs.
They were Shiht-zus.
How do astronauts like to eat their ice cream?
Floats.
Q: What do you call a freezing bird?
A: Brrrrrrrrrdddd
What do Penguins like to eat?
Brrrrrrrritos.
Why does salt make everything taste better
Because it's sodi-yummm!
What do you call an elephant with rotors?
A Nellie-copter.
Did you hear about the frozen dessert whose wife had a baby?
Now he’s a popsicle.
Who babysits young Bigfoots?
Sasq-watcher.
What falls all the time and never gets hurt? Rain.
I was cutting cheese into very small pieces with a knife. The knife was great but a machine to help would’ve been grater.
4 Norse gods, 1 roman God, and 2 astrological bodies walk into a bar
The bartender says: Oh, this is gonna be a week joke
What is a fairy’s favorite drink?
Sprite.
Did you hear the joke about the pop fly? Oh, nevermind. It was over your head...
What candy is only for girls? HER-SHEy's Kisses!
Why did Arthur have a round table?
So nobody could corner him!
Spring is the perfect time to turn over a new leaf.
Son: “Hey Dad, can we go to the beach?”
Dad: “Shore?”
How does a kangaroo pick his favorite baseball team?
He jumps on the bandwagon.
What did the Cheese salesman say? That cheese may be Gouda, but this one is Feta!
I would like to take a moment and thank my eyeballs.
Thanks for looking out for me.
What's a prisoners favorite building materials? Steal n cement.
My cranium is empty. I'm running bone-dry here.
I like you a latke!
What does a mommy pig say to her piglets at the end of the day? Time to pig up your toys.
Young Billy had to mail a loaf of bread at the toast office today.
I want to create a convention for Irish folks who suffer with leprosy.
I'll call it Leper-Con.
Where does Thor grow his vegetables?
In his Asgarden.
There was a knock at the door this morning. I opened it and there was a wash basin on the doorstep.
I thought, "I'd better let this sink in."
Did you hear about the elf that quit Santa's workshop?
He was a rebel without a Claus.
I pitcher us together forever.
Don't get tide down.
What style of classical music do sheep most enjoy?
Baa-roque
My wife asked if I knew how to turn on the dishwasher.
I told her I would some flirty compliments.
Just because your football team calls itself the unicorns doesn’t mean they can play in the corn field.
That wide loaf has a decent bread-th. Nice.
What’s a horse’s favorite grocery store?
No-fillies.
I told my mom there was a crack in her mug...
She said, ”No, only tea.”
What do you call a pickle that got run over on the road?
Road dill.
What’s black, white and red all over?
A penguin with a sunburn.
A synonym for cinnamon is a cinnamon synonym.
Why did the hen lay her egg on the axe?
She wanted to hatchet.
What did the cloud say to the rainbow? Thank you for adding color to my day.
What do you get when you photocopy fruit?
Paper jam.
When a doctor doctors a doctor, does the doctor doing the doctoring doctor as the doctor being doctored wants to be doctored or does the doctor doing the doctoring doctor as he wants to doctor?
Why was the basketball court so slippery?
Because all the players were dribbling on it.
What is a cannibal's favourite cheese? Limburger
Flamingos are pretty daring birds. They like just about anything, as long as it’s eggs-citing.
What gun does a military chef use?
A salt rifle.
On Father's Day, I thanked my dad for his contribution to my birth.
He said it was his pleasure.