In ancient Egypt, how did insects communicate?
Pharaoh moans
Where does a ghost go on vacation? Mali-boo.
Watson: Sherlock, what type of rock is this amazing specimen?
Holmes: It’s sedimentary, my dear Watson.
This special peach school is for those Peach kids who are suffering from peach and hearing impairment.
What is the best day to go to the beach? Sunday, of course!
I love you from my head tomato
What did the duck do after he read all these jokes?
He quacked up.
Sorry if this is extra cheesy, but you have a pizza my heart.
Synonym rolls: just like grammar used to make.
I ordered the wrong kind of flowers online for Valentines Day.
Oops e-daisies.
What do poplars bring to war? They bring their infan-tree.
What do gorillas and orangutans wear in the kitchen?
Ape-rons.
I’ve never lost a game of football basketball or volleyball!
Though I’ve never played a game either.
If tomatoes are a fruit
Then ketchup is a smoothie.
What do you call two celebrities who get into a gun fight?
One is a shooting star, and the other is a falling star.
A bomb goes of in a cheese shop.
You can see da brie everywhere.
Why couldn’t the cheese sleep?
He was scared there was a munster under the bed.
Why did the strangers walk out onto the frozen pond?
Stay true to your shelf.
A son asked his dad: "Dad, are we pyromaniacs?"
The dad responded with: "Yes, we arson."
Why can't inmates read a clock? Because it's hard time.
What do you get when a dinosaur blows it's nose? OUT of the way!!
I felt so guilty after I stepped on a snail this morning. You should of seen him, he looked genuinely crushed.
happens when you bother the parietal lobe?
It gets very touchy.
What did they call Dracula after his team won the big game?
The Champire.
What do you get if you cross a pumpkin with a bigfoot?
A Sasquash.
What were the ponies most excited for in the meal?
The main horse.
A strawberry will never help another strawberry because they tend to always get into jams.
Did you hear about the new WiFi connected chef's knife?
It's cutting-edge technology.
You must be copper and terillium because you are Cu-Te
What do you get when you cross a frog with a rabbit?
A bunny ribbit.
How were CDs packaged in Ancient Egypt?
Sphinx wrapped
What is the perfect day to go to the beach?
Sun-day!
"Every bunny was kung fu fighting."
Why do beavers make the best neighbors?
Because they mind their own dam business.
I was walking along when I saw a pile of dog sh** on the side of the street, a little further on I saw an identical one.
That was a crazy deja poo.
What do you call a gorilla with no arms?
An ape-utee
What did the toilet say to the urinal after it was hired?
“Urine!”
My kids say my cooking is incredible...
with a silent 'cr'
What did the baseball glove say to the ball?
Catch ya later.
My love for you simply radiates.
My dog loves designer hand-bags.
So I got him a Poochi.
I only like smooth leather
and my opinion will never be suede.
How do you get a one-armed monkey out of a tree?
Wave to it.
What do you call a pear who plays the trumpet? A tooty fruity.
What’s the best way to settle church disputes?
With canons.
Which Star Wars character was the orange cast for?
Emperor Pulpatine.
The best thing ever to put in a strawberry pie is your teeth.
What did the eyewitness tell the cops after a computer robbed a bank?
It went data way!
The snuggle is real.